Arrhythmia
by FearandLoathingXIX
Summary: When desperate times call for desperate measures, Mikan has to steal Natsume's Alice on a mission turned nasty. But from that one moment of emergency neither of them will ever be quite the same again.
1. Can't stop

Well it's been in the works for a long time now, but here's my first chaptered fanfiction for the Gakuen Alice fandom and the Natsume/Mikan pairing.

I worked really hard on this, so I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

Natsume Hyuga tapped two pills into his hand and pushed his mask up far enough to shove them into his mouth, swallowing the super-strength painkillers as he flattened his body against a crumbling brick wall.

Around the corner he could hear classmates trying to break through the secondary security system of the Alice-Organization's hideout, and he took a deep breath as he tried to ignore the pain ebbing through his body from a small knife wound in his side. He needed to be strong for this.

He listened carefully to every cry that reached his ears, constantly fearing that he would hear a particular voice: when the Academy was in conflict with Anti-Alice organizations the most unusual of Alices suddenly became useful… Alices like the nullification Alice of Mikan Sakura.

He had tried to stop her from coming on this mission, but being airhead that she was, she _had_ to go and get involved and wouldn't take no for an answer: even when it was her own safety he had in mind. In the midst of these thoughts, one of his classmates shot up a flare and gave Natsume the signal he had been waiting for, so with one final gasp he straightened his back and ran into the open.

Their team had stuck to their orders well enough to create a small opening in the Organization's defences, which Natsume sprinted through as he drew up walls of flame to stop anyone slowing him down. As he approached the door of the derelict building he quickly burnt through it and jumped inside, unarming a guard at one end of the hall with a burst of flame and continuing to run down the corridor.

According to the map he'd been shown before the mission, the first-year students who were being held hostage would be in one of the doors on his right. However, he was forced to duck into a wrong room when gunshots started rattling up from behind him. He slid down against the doorway and panted heavily, tugging his mask away to breathe more freely and to stuff another painkiller in his mouth. Meanwhile his attacker tried to eliminate him from afar – he had obviously recognized 'the black cat' and feared what might happen if he got too close.

Natsume grimaced and got unsteadily to his knees as he moved his mask back into place, then sprang out from the doorway just as heard his attacker start to reload and melted through the chain that had been holding an old-fashioned lamp to the ceiling above his head. The wrought iron fixing fell straight on top of the man and he collapsed instantly. Using the opportunity to get away, Natsume ran down the corridor and resumed his search for the hostages.

He heard voices coming from one of the upcoming rooms, and after spotting yet another guard positioned next to a door on the right-hand wall decided he'd found his location. He leant against the wall, panting, and quickly focused on the loaded pistol in the man's hand. The thing suddenly exploded; set off by the tiny spark that had been created inside the weapon's firing mechanism.

Having momentarily distracted the guard, Natsume gave himself time to run over and throw a punch; years of practice in this art meant he was able to knock the sturdy man out with a single unsuspected hit.

After confirming that the door had only been guarded and not locked, Natsume paused for a second to catch his breath, before he burst into the room and burnt out the lights.

Yelling and the sound of loading guns quickly followed this intrusion, but Natsume was already on the floor on his elbows and knees, crawling alongside the wall as he fumbled around in the pack on his side for something that _wasn't _painkillers or medication. Finally closing his hand around the right object, he whipped his arm out and smashed a vial on the floor next to him, diving out of the way of the ensuing gunshots and using the sounds to scorch the guns out of the holder's hands.

The broken vial began to pour out huge billows of thick black smoke, and it was under this cover he got to his feet and ran into the middle of the room – where he had spotted the unconscious bodies of the Academy students in the second before he'd fried the lights. Lifting them up, he picked one over his shoulder and carried the other in his arms and ran towards the door, leaving several fires about the room to add to the confusion and stop the AAO realizing he was gone already.

He ignored the weight of the children's bodies as he staggered out of the room. His first priority was to get them out of this building, and that had to overcome the inconveniences of carrying them with lungfulls of smoke.

Luckily, and thanks to the work of his teammates, it was much easier getting out of the building than in, and Natsume didn't meet any more 'security' as he escaped through a side door and rushed out into the cold night air.

"You find them?" Questioned a high-school senior with a long hood covering his face the moment he set foot outside the door. Natsume nodded, and they began to hurry down the back alley, moving away from the sounds of conflict and towards a van driven by another senior.

"How many were they?" He asked in a low voice as he followed behind Natsume, watching their backs for any pursuers and waving a hand signal over to the driver, who started the engine.

"Didn't see," Natsume grunted in reply, "more than four." The boy seemed to sigh unhappily and quickly overtook Natsume, calling out to the person in the driver's cab.

"Better check them quickly, Hiki, it's not worth coming all this way for nothing." his hooded companion announced, and as the door of the van swung open a fair-haired boy stepped out.

Exhausted already and sure he was in fact bleeding from that knife-wound again, Natsume didn't need to be told twice to put the children down; then as the fighting appeared to be nearly done one or two other students came running up as he laid the fragile bodies down on the ground.

"Uh, misson accomplished?" A middle-school student inquired hopefully, only to be quickly hushed by the older students. Natsume was just about to relax when a foreboding sound interrupted him.

"Uh-oh," the senior referred to as 'Hiki' suddenly muttered, his fingertips pressed against the neck of the little girl lain on the floor, and their group turned unanimously towards him. The senior in the hood stepped forwards and stared down at his associate.

"You mean?" he whispered, and to the group's revulsion the reply was a sullen nod.

"Nothing." Hiki practically whimpered, and then winced suddenly as Natsume called up a flame above his fingertip to light up the child's face. To everyone's dread, under the new light it was easy to see the crushed and battered form of the girl, and see exactly where slowly clotting blood had trickled down the side of her face and dried in her matted hair.

Her hair had been brown (once) and tied in bunches, and the pink ties holding them up were set off against a bloody face bearing a broken cheekbone and practically crushed nose.

All at once, Natsume's blood boiled.

"Those bastards." He growled into the silence as the small flame intensified and began to drop sparks on the dirty pyjamas of the child, "those _f--king bastards!_" He ripped his mask off and began staggering backwards as he recalled just how heavy and cold that girl had been in his arms. How he should've noticed something like that being wrong straight away, how feckless the people inside that room were…how, how he _let them live._

Well not this time.

"I'll get them!" he spat as he turned on his heels and began racing back towards the buildings, "I'll make them pay!"

Although he heard some of the others shouting 'no' and 'stop' behind him, Natsume scoured the sound out of his ears and began dragging wings of fire from his arms as he ran, while all around him things began to ignite.

No more than twenty metres down the alley he spotted someone running in the opposite direction, and before he could even attempt to identify them he had thrown a fireball though the air, too blinded by anger to think twice.

However, careless as that action may have been, he had not especially well aimed the flame, as he did _still_ posses the sense not to try and kill the person out-right just in case they _were_ one of their side still returning from the fight. If there was one thing they didn't need it was another dead student among their ranks.

However, curiously enough, instead of dodging the shot like he had expected, a white aura of light engulfed the fire and extinguished it before it was even close to the person.

"Natsume!" the voice he had so dreaded to hear earlier rang out, and Natsume's step faltered as he uttered a stunned "Mikan?" in return.

"You're okay!" The brunette said happily as she ran towards him, but before she was within any kind of reaching distance Natsume had taken off again, running straight past her with no more than a pat on the shoulder and thickening the flames he was intending to submerge that hideout in.

"Aie?" Mikan stuttered in confusion as Natsume bolted past her with nothing more than a hiss of 'get back to the others', "Natsume, what's wrong?" She cried, for him to only repeated the previous instruction.

While a sensible person might've done what he'd said and gone back to the meeting place to wait for him like they'd planned, Mikan Sakura had a _reputation _to uphold, so turning back on her tracks to follow Natsume, she started to douse the fires he was creating with her Alice and began yelling at him to stop, or at least slow down.

Natsume did stop eventually, but that was only when he reached the door that he had carried the two children through, and it was for the sole purpose of propelling a huge arm of flame through the opening.

"Natsume!" She screamed in shock, knowing that for _one_ there were people inside there, and for _two _her mother worked for the Anti-Alice organization, "why are you doing that?!"

"Get out of here!" Natsume raged as he poured hate into the flames bursting out of dry air, "You don't want to see this!" By the firelight Mikan saw him grit his teeth and suppress a groan. He looked hurt, and this was definitely not doing him any good.

"Then I'll stop you instead!" She screamed over the crackle of the fire and a bolt of white-blue energy shone out of her body, cloaking and chocking his flames.

Through her determined training and a fair amount of emergency-use, Mikan's nullification Alice had become somewhat formidable force over the years, and for once Natsume could see why the Academy had allowed her on this mission.

But not for this purpose, though.

So although she initially seemed to be suffocating his Alice, he only had to growl in the back of his throat and push against her power to overcome it. She was no match for his in this atmosphere, and he quickly restored whatever she had put out with heat twice as intense.

"Don't get in my way!" He threatened as smoke began seeping out of the boarded-up windows of the building and screams of panic started coming from inside, "you don't know what they've done!"

Mikan started panicking when she heard the screams, and stared hopelessly at Natsume for a second, he was too consumed by this anger for her to stand a chance at stopping him.

(Unless…)

She ran forwards and grabbed his arm, hoping that perhaps she could shake him out of it and for god's sake save those people. But he only threw her off and intensified the fire tearing the building apart.

"Natsume!" She screamed again, tears beginning to form in her eyes from all the smoke and the screaming "Stop it please _stop_!"

"Not until they're dead." He countered, "Not until they _pay_ for what they did!" Crying fully now, Mikan ran forwards again, soon sobbing so hard she could barely see.

"Natsume! They can't pay for anything if they're dead! Don't do it please **stop** you're _killing_ them!" As she shook away her tears, Mikan realized she was now close enough to be able to see through the door of the building, and looking inside spotted the figure of a woman stumbling out into the end of hall. With a fresh scream she grabbed Natsume, trying desperately a second time to stop the flames from reaching that lady – _whoever _she might be.

Natsume span around and elbowed Mikan back, trying to get past the barrier she'd managed force up in front of those murderers in her desperation and hissing at the pain it was costing him. But just at the moment he managed to break through the blockade, she was up on her feet again, and ready with another front of attack.

_(That front of attack…)_

Mikan threw herself at Natsume and wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, throwing her body weight into him as she drew upon her Alice.

(But this was not the nullification Alice.)

From the moment their bodies connected Natsume felt something change, something… strange. At first it was like he was falling asleep, and he wondered how she was doing it, until he realized that it was his power draining away. As she tightened her arms around him the feeling also tightened, turning into a curious sensation that felt almost as if his insides were being slowly sucked out.

The flames weakened and began to curl in odd directions as Natsume started feeling dizzy; weakened both in body and mind, as the power of his Alice had been the one thing keeping him going, and so he was only able to make out the rest of the AAO members fleeing before everything quickly went black.

On the other side of this exchange, Mikan swore she had done something wrong and was catching fire, as she reluctantly used her Steal Alice on Natsume. It was something she hadn't ever wanted to do and a power she sometimes wished she never had, but it was the only way she could stop him before someone was seriously hurt.

The moment she started to take his Alice her skin heated up and began to tingle, and as he started to struggle, and then slump, it was as if there was a fire inside of her body that was expanding and getting hotter with every second and every ounce more of his Alice that she took.

It wasn't long after Natsume passed out that Mikan lost consciousness as well, collapsing underneath his unsteady weight and being crushed by him. She vaguely managed to pick up footsteps approaching as a boiling-hot sweat began to pour out of her body, but then everything buzzed out of comprehension.

* * *

They both woke up in the infirmary several days later. Mikan with her arm in a sling from where Natsume landed on her and a running temperature of over a hundred, and Natsume experiencing colds sweats every hour along with a case of hypothermia.

No one dared to ask them what had happened.

Among a number of other side effects, Mikan could only remembered that night as far as trying to stop Natsume burning the house down: with her last memory of grabbing him and being knocked away. Natsume correspondingly couldn't think clearly about anything that had happened _before_ Mikan had grabbed him, and even from that the only thing he remembered clearly was that she had stolen his Alice to stop him.

Both of them had murderous headaches.

* * *

Mikan Sakura was hanging half way off her bed dunking a towel in a bucket of ice water when she heard a knock at the door.

"Come in!" she answered cheerfully, wringing the towel out and wrapping it around her neck as the door opened, allowing Ruka Nogi to enter the room with a worried expression on his face.

"Mikan-chan!" he said softly as he rushed over to the bed, "...how are you feeling?" Mikan smiled and shuffled back onto her bed, taking care over the arm she had in a sling in case she knocked it again and would have to scream the whole ward down… _again_.

"I'm fine, Ruka," she told him bravely. Although he still wore a concerned look on his face, and as he walked up to her bedside pressed the back of his hand against her flushed cheek.

"You're burning up," he murmured accusingly as she pulled away from his hand and rubbed one of the ends of the towel against her face.

"I'm okay," she repeated, "really, I am." Ruka looked like he didn't believe her and turned around to look for a nurse, but picking up on what he was trying to do Mikan shot a hand out to close over his.

"It's just a fever," she pleaded, "don't worry so much." Once more he was upset by how hot Mikan's palm felt against his skin, but eventually gave in and stepped back from the call button to sit down on a stool by the bed, keeping hold of her hand as he released an anxious breath.

After a while the sight of him looking so downcast (as if he was blaming himself personally for what had happened) became _less _than encouraging, and Mikan sighed and squeezed Ruka's hand.

"Is Natsume okay?" She questioned, "I don't really remember much of what happened. He isn't…?"

"He's holding on," Ruka answered unsteadily, "his body temperature has been running low, but they think he'll be alright." Chuckling quietly, as if to an inside joke, she shook Ruka's hand as if to scold him and cracked a grin.

"Of course he'll be okay, he's _Natsume_." Ruka fleetingly returned her smile and his doll-blue eyes lit up, like hearing her say it had some kind of magical effect on his best friend's health.

They returned to a comfortable silence again and Mikan started drifting off to sleep, however just as Ruka was about to ease his hand out of hers and slip out of the room to go back to Natsume she suddenly started up.

"Hotaru!" She squealed feebly as her teary eyes shot open and she nearly yanked Ruka straight off of his chair, "Ruka! Has she come to visit me? Hotaru? Was I asleep?" He stuttered and tried to think of a way around the question, until she whimpered and asked him again with tear-lined eyes.

"Imai-chan has been away on business…" he muttered awkwardly, flinching as he saw the hurt expression on Mikan's face.

"Oh," she said sadly, "I guess I forgot… where was it again?"

"America." He replied quickly, then after glancing at a clock on the wall stood up and eased Mikan back onto her bed, "But I let her know you were in here, Mikan-chan, so just rest and concentrate on getting better. I'll be back as soon as I hear from her." Mikan reluctantly let herself be leant back and allowed her grip on Ruka's hand to loosen.

"Okay," she sighed as he shifted his fingers free from her grip and surreptitiously wiped them dry of sweat on the bedsheet, "I suppose if you… say so, Ruka…" With that she was asleep, and Ruka quietly left the room to go and check on Natsume again.

Having the Alice of fire meant that Natsume was rarely ever cold, as he had both an instant heat supply at his fingertips and a warmer body core temperature than others. However, when he first woke up after the mission and found himself in a hospital bed, he couldn't help but notice he was shivering.

He had asked for more blankets from the nearest nurse, but they hadn't seemed to help, and even now in spite of the thermostat turned up to full, the electric heater _and _the four blankets wrapped around him, he still felt goosebumps on his arms and would suddenly break out into shivering fits.

"Natsume?" Ruka inquired softly as he stepped round the door, frowning at the pitiable sight of his friend wrapped up in blankets, "are you feeling any better?"

"Worse." The high-school student muffled through his blankets, "turn up the heat."

"It's already on full," Ruka informed him after consulting the thermostat, "would you like me to fetch a…" he was about to offer help when he was cut of again, only this time it was by a different person.

"Don't bother." He grunted, "how is she?" He didn't bother working around to the question as it had been him in the first place who suggested Ruka leave him alone for a while and check on Mikan.

"She has a fever, but seems to be cheerful." Ruka replied, and Natsume rolled his eyes in expectancy.

"Did she mention anything about what happened?" He demanded next, ignoring the slight awkwardness the question brought to Ruka.

"She… said…I-I… don't think she really remembers." Was the quiet reply, and with some shuffling of blankets Natsume managed to sit up and swing his legs off the bed.

Even if _she_ couldn't remember what happened, _he _certainly did, and was not intending to let her go anywhere without knowing just what would happen to her if she were to dare trying anything like that again.

(And she hadn't given it back yet.)

"Wait, Natsume!" Ruka rushed forwards and caught Natsume's shoulders, pushing him back down onto the bed as he tried to stand, "what are you trying to do!"

"I need to talk to her." He muttered weakly, while his head span from the exertion of trying to stand too quickly and it send a wave of nausea to his stomach, "I need to…"

"You need to stay here, Natsume." Ruka said firmly without raising his hands from his padded shoulders: for once he was being stern even if it was only because he was concerned for his friend's health, "you can talk to Mikan-chan when you're well."

"No," Natsume hissed as he tried to force himself past Ruka, "_now._" He couldn't 'wait until he was well' because he knew he wouldn't _be _well until he got it back, and when Ruka left the room he'd already tried to use his Alice, and not being able to knew that _she _still had it.

Natsume tried to stand again and Ruka pushed him back down without hesitation; the very _least_ he could do right now was at least make sure his closest friends managed to stay in their own beds. Only moments later another ice-cold sweat swept over Natsume, and he lost the sensation in his hands and feet as the nausea that had been growing in his stomach finally shot up and he gagged.

"Natsume?!" Ruka cried in surprise, sidestepping and pulling back from the edge of the bed to stop him falling, "Natsume!" the teenager slumped sideways and gagged again, a bitter and acidic taste burning the back of his throat as he could just about make out Ruka yelling desperately for a nurse.

Natsume threw up on the hospital floor just as Mikan unexpectedly went into hyperthermia, and Ruka was then suddenly torn in two by the sickened shape in his arms and the sound of urgent voices running down the corridor. This frenzy was only worsened by one of the nurses hurrying down the corridor stopping by Natsume's room to tell Ruka 'your little girl-friend's in trouble.'

"Please! Wait!" Ruka pleaded as he rolled Natsume onto his side, "He needs help!"

Natsume blinked the colours swimming across his vision away and managed to separate out Ruka's voice from all the other ones he was hearing, and then grabbing hold of his hand pushed it away and groaned, "find…Mikan…"

Squeezing Natsume's hand and realizing how dangerously cold it was, Ruka smashed a fist over the 'call for nurse' button for the fifth time and started rubbing his palms over Natsume's cold one.

"Natsume," he pleaded urgently, "can you hear me? Natsume?_ Natsume?!" _Natsume Hyuga blacked out to the sound of a heart rate monitor flatlining and a burning sensation on one of his hands.

* * *

Luckily for all involved, Mikan and Natsume were revived without any lasting damage being effected on them; although the doctors were curious to know how both of them could be presenting such opposite conditions when they were reportedly found so close together: Paitents Hyuga with Hypothermia and Sakura with Heat Stroke.

Thankfully their survival of this close call was also some measure of good news for Ruka, who had been tormenting himself since Natsume lost consciousness and then nearly burst in on the doctors reviving Mikan in a despairing panic.

And although the two of them had slipped the noose this time, their condition did not seem to improve by much and it was decided that they should be moved to an intensive care unit, where upon the wishes of their near-constant visitor Ruka Nogi, they were placed in beds next to one another.

That night, they both slept through without waking: a first since they'd been brought to the hospital.

* * *

I put a lot of time into this as I mentioned before, so it would be really great if you could leave a review to let me know how much/how little you liked it.

It won't take 30 seconds of your time, so considering you read this far, be a love and review?


	2. Dosed

Updated!

* * *

The morning after Natsume and Mikan's transfer to the Intensive Care ward of the hospital, they both awoke after an unrefreshing (but at least uninterrupted) night of surreal and somewhat terrifying dreams, and Mikan even found she had crusty streaks of dried tears down both her cheeks. Because she didn't remember dreaming about anything sad, she decided that it must have been because of her fever, and merely washed her face before anyone noticed.

In spite of the two being placed next-door to one another upon Ruka's request, there was still a curtain separating Mikan and Natsume's beds, so they wouldn't have noticed one another… except for the fact that that Natsume woke up feeling like there was a weight on one side of his head.

He first realized it when he kept unwittingly leaning to his left, and after nearly falling straight out of bed twice he finally decided to take notice of the irritating condition, and slowly discovered that the feeling moved as he turned; meaning he was _always_ being pulled almost magnetically over to the bed on his left.

Curious, he swung his legs out of his bed and wrapped another blanket around his shoulders, and then carefully placing both feet on the floor and easing his weight onto them, he took a wobbly step forwards, trying not to crash to the ground because of the intensifying pull now right in the centre of his forehead.

After carefully recovering the ability to place one foot in front of the other without falling over, he managed to stand and walk up to the curtain that was separating him from the next bed, and he threw the sheet back suddenly as if to catch whatever was annoying him in the act.

As it was, he only found Mikan, but seeing as she had been the very reason he'd almost killed himself trying to get up earlier on that was _more_ than enough convenience for him.

"_Mikan_!" He spat and staggered forwards, causing her to turn and squeak with surprise while nearly pulling out her IV.

"Natsume!" She gasped in surprise, "Why are you so… eh? What are you doing?!" Her tone turned from happiness to fright as he grabbed her by the collar of her hospital gown and yanked her forwards, glaring down at her angrily.

"Give it _back_." He demanded furiously, holding her off of her bed by her gown and turning his knuckles white with the exhaustion. Mikan's expression went from surprised to terrified and she shrunk away from her overbearing assaulter.

"Give back… what?" She squealed and squirmed, trying not to notice the hateful look that was souring Natsume's face. He tugged her forwards again and enviously felt the heat radiating from Mikan's skin: no _wonder_ she was running a fever, he thought as he pulled her even closer to him.

"My _Alice_." He hissed, trying to feel for hispower or look for his stone – he'd been trying to create any kind of fire from the moment he woke up and still hadn't succeeded, _proving_ to him that shewas the one holding it.

"What do you mean?" Mikan wailed in fright, "I don't know what you are talking about, Natsume… I don't…" He shook her roughly and pulled his hands in, bringing her so close that she had nowhere else to look but straight at him… and even in her _eyes _he could even see a fiery warmth that had to be unnatural.

"Remember?" He threatened more so than he asked, "on the mission, Mikan?" She only stared blankly at him, as he suddenly shook off the heaviness in his body that seemed to want him to just collapse where he stood: which would've unfortunately been right on top of Mikan.

"I…" she muttered dimly, trying to push through the confusion of her last memories outside the hospital, "I'm not sure…"

"You _stole _it." He accused, not bothering to lower his voice or take heed of any passers-by, "You **stole** it and I want it back!" At the second mention of that taboo word _stole_ – which had brought Mikan more trouble in her sixteen years than most people experienced in a lifetime, she tried to stop Natsume getting her into any 'situations' by raising both hands to press down over his mouth.

"Shhhh!" she hushed him desperately, "Natsume don't…" however, she cut off the moment her skin connected with his, as once again, something very strange happened to the both of them.

It was suddenly as if neither one of them were in the hospital anymore, but gone somewhere… lost, perhaps, in a sea-like entity of shifting densities and sounds. From the darkness of this place there was only one light source, and that was connection between Mikan's hands and Natsume's mouth, from which all sorts of sensations fizzed and sparkled and exploded into existence.

Her hands very quickly numbed, feeling ice-cold compared to her body, which was beginning to burn up yet again and conducted its furious heat into whatever it was touching.

This was Natsume, whose feeling of cold and emptiness was being remedied by an inferno pouring into his body right through his mouth: as if he were drinking pure lava.

The centre of this connection – her hands upon his lips, felt like two powerful magnets stuck together so neither could break away, even if they wanted to… and that contact was also spawning a cataclysmic burst of energy, which flew out in all directions, burning through the air around them and forcing two different bodies of sensation into one.

In reality only seconds had passed between them when a loud screeching interrupted this whirlwind, and Mikan's hands shot away from Natsume in fear of what was happening. They simultaneously realized the source of the noise was a fire alarm, which had most likely been tripped by the ring of deep oozing scorch marks and burning lino circling the two of them.

Natsume looked from the floor to his hands and then quickly created a weak flame in-between them, which small as it may've been was all he needed to see. He sighed heavily with relief and looked back at Mikan, who was simply staring in abject horror at their surroundings.

"What did you do, Natsume?" She said fearfully, but unwittingly found herself met with a stony glare that looked much more aggressive than it did explanatory.

"No, Mikan," he replied between irregular gasps of the black smoke filling the air, "what did _you _do?"

"What do you mean, 'what did _I _do'?" Wailed a confused Mikan Sakura as she stared up at him helplessly, "I don't understand!" He opened his mouth to answer, but a nurse interrupted whatever it was going to be by rushing in screaming about the fire alarm, then stopped for a moment as she stared blankly at the smoking pit in the middle of the room, and then started screaming again even louder.

"Later," Natsume hissed as Mikan was helped out of her bed and pulled away from the smouldering mess of her sheets and mattress and Natsume was escorted from the room.

"Natsume?" She called after him as he was led to a matron and promptly walked out of the room.

"Hush now dear," the nurse who had started screaming now cooed sweetly as she moved Mikan's personal belongings to the next cubicle and guided her over by the hand, "they'll sort that wicked boy out in…"

"Hey!" Mikan ripped her hand away and glared at the young woman trying to soothe her, "he's my friend!" The woman smiled awkwardly and wiped Mikan's forehead with the back of her palm.

"Oh yes… ah, still running a temperature, dear, and of _course_ he is your friend, but now you just get some rest." She eased Mikan's gently onto the bed and tucked her in, "I'll be right back to check on you in just a minute."

"Um… Okay," Mikan finally sighed, and as the nurse hung up a new IV with a sly dose of sleeping medication in it, tiredness quickly overcame her and she felt her eyelids droop against her will, "I guess then… I could…" by the time the nurse had returned she was already gone, knocked out into feverous dreams full of black cats and dark, scary spaces she'd never seen before.

* * *

Natsume was transferred to the next ward and given a stern word about 'using his Alice recklessly in a public place' – a mistake of address that he honourably ignored as it would make things complicated, and he spent the next half hour conjuring all forms and strengths of fire within his capability. To his disgust, he found he was weaker than before, and he deduced that Sakura must have still been holding onto some of his Alice, which of course he fully intended to retrieve.

But not yet, he decided as the same sleeping draught that they gave Mikan set in on him as well, and he felt unconsciousness beckon. Rolling over and sluggishly pulling an extra blanket over himself, Natsume Hyuga passed out peacefully.

It was several more hours before Mikan awoke amid a particularly terrifying dream about the mission she had just been on, although on the _real _mission she had never been inside the HQ or seen the hostages they had been trying to rescue.

Once again found she had salty streaks of tears on her face.

"How strange…" She said quietly to herself as she sat up and kicked the sticky sheets off her legs: she still had a fever and had been sweating like mad, but hopefully it was beginning to fall as she was feeling much better.

Although she still had a bit of a headache, and it seemed that no amount of painkillers could help _that_. Aside from that, she recovered very quickly and within a couple more days was well enough to be discharged, coincidentally at the same time as Natsume, who she encountered by chance in the Hospital lobby.

"Natsume!" She said brightly, "You're being let out as well? How lucky! We can go back to school tog-"

"I'm not going anywhere with you." He interrupted sullenly, still as moody at sixteen as he was at ten. Though Mikan had gotten better at dealing with these moods over time… ish.

"Eh, why not?" She questioned as she packed all the belongings that had been brought in with her into a bag and then bundled the flowers Ruka brought her under her arm. "Are you not leaving yet?"

Natsume shot out a hand and closed it tightly around Mikan's arm, squeezing it as he stepped in to whisper to her.

Mikan's skin began to tingle where his hand was, and she tried to overcome a strange feeling like her legs were about to give way.

"_You _are not leaving, Mikan, until you give the rest of it back." He said darkly, as his palm started to warm up against her arm and he felt himself being pulled in even closer to her.

"Give…?" She enquired weakly as Natsume flexed his hand against her and hot bolts of energy ran all the way up his arm. He also started feeling very dizzy and was suddenly burdened with the urge to grab Mikan with his other arm and hug her. It had been a long time since he last felt quite like _that_ about Mikan Sakura.

"My…" he said breathily as he dug his fingertips into her soft underarm and felt shocks run throughout his hand, "…Ah…" he suddenly realized that this was very probably the sensation of the rest of his Alice returning, based on their earlier experience in the hospital ward and the heat he could feel.

The flowers Mikan had been holding tumbled to the floor as she slowly turned around to face him squarely, swallowing as her breath quickened and her mouth went dry.

"Natsume?" She questioned softly as he dragged his hand down her arm: she was still clueless as to what was going on. But even though _he _knew he couldn't answer her, because the feeling was too thick, too strong… he had never felt anything like it before in his life, and couldn't even muster half the strength or willpower needed to overcome it.

"I…" he breathed as the flowers at their feet wilted in seconds and they began feeling a strange pull towards each other, "…I…" Mikan closed her eyes as if she was staring at a bright light, and Natsume was sucked ever closer.

"Mikan! Natsume!" A boy's voice cut the two of them off and Natsume yanked his hand away from Mikan's arm in a shot, and they both quickly turned towards Ruka and smiled.

"You didn't have to come all the way, Ruka." They said in unison, and then both snapped around and stared at each other suspiciously. Ruka just laughed and ran towards them, a fresh smile of relief on his face.

"Oh, you dropped the flowers, Mikan!" He said as Mikan and Natsume continued to look at one another dubiously, finally breaking away from each other's gaze as Ruka knelt at their feet to pick up the flowers.

"Oh, Ruka!" Mikan gasped and dropped to her knees beside him, "I'm so sorry! I dropped them and they've been ruined now…" her expression saddened and as she guiltily gathered up the limp stalks, but Ruka laid a palm reassuringly on her shoulder.

"Don't worry, Mikan-chan," he said tenderly, "I gave them to you so you would get better, and you did… so-"

"AAHHH!" A loud yell suddenly interrupted Mikan and Ruka's moment and Natsume also fell to the floor. However, this had nothing to do with the dropped flowers, as he had his eyes twisted shut and a hand pressed heavily against his forehead - clear indicators that was not an issue currently bothering him.

"Uuuurgg…" he groaned and a second hand joined the first against his face, dropping his bag and letting six months of medication and two weeks trash roll out across the floor.

The pain had started right at the front of his head and then gone haywire as he fell to the floor, and it seemed to collect behind one of his eyes, which he pressed his hand over and groaned again.

"Natsume!" Ruka and Mikan cried together and lunged towards him, Ruka grabbing him by the shoulders and Mikan clapping her hands over his free wrist.

Once again, the second her skin touched his shocks ran up their arms, and the pain suddenly started fading. However, the waves were not like the ones of a few moments ago, which had been hot and charged with energy: these were cool and soothing, and numbed the pain that'd shot through his body.

In that moment all Natsume wanted to do was grab Mikan tightly and stop the hurt completely, by holding her he felt as if he could get rid of that strong sharp pain.

But of course he was rational enough to know that there was no logical reason Mikan could do that, and that it was probably just a coincidence and so his mind playing tricks on him. He also remembered that whilst he'd been in hospital he hadn't been taking all of the medication to treat the effects of his Alice, and missing prescriptions usually ended up in something like this happening.

However the voices around him didn't sound like they'd realized this, and aside from Mikan repeating his name over and over most of the sound was forced into a bleary murmur, as he slowly recovered.

"I…" He sighed heavily and squeezed his hands over his face as colours and shapes danced flirtatiously across his eyelids, "Mikan-" he panted again and quickly snapped one of his hands around to grab hold of hers and hold it bone-crushingly tight. He knew that it couldn't help, but he was willing to fool himself long enough for the sensation to stop.

"Natsume?" Mikan breathed in confusion and just a little pain, fearing this was a kind of relapse or something to do with getting his Alice back, "Natsume! What is it?"

He tightened his grip even more and heaved, trying to restrain his desperate impulses to increase the contact between them and shuddering at the unbidden thoughts: for one, he not wanted to do anything like that with _Mikan_ in a long time.

In the past of course there had been something between them, and she was still his first kiss and one of the people he trusted most in the world: but those feelings you have as a ten year-old aren't the same as feelings you have when you are older… he knew _that_ well enough.

They were just friends now. _Good_, _normal_, friends. He _loved _her, he supposed, but he wasn't _in love _with her anymore. She was too much to him to be a girlfriend. He never liked to know too much about a girl before he dated her either, and he knew _way _too much about Mikan.

But, on the other hand, these things were ignored in light the soothing sensation he felt with her right now, because in any case it was better than being in extreme pain. So he clung to her hand and continued to do so long enough to be able to say 'I'm alright" and try to convince Ruka, Mikan and the nurses he wasn't going to have another heart failure.

Which admittedly wasn't as easy as he'd hoped it would be.

A blood pressure test and some _more _medication later Natsume, Mikan and Ruka finally left the hospital and filed into a car the Academy had waiting for them. Ruka being a sufferer of travel sickness reluctantly took the front seat, and Natsume and Mikan found themselves at opposite ends of the backseat.

She couldn't quite understand what was going on, because Natsume _seemed _to be angry with her: he had been glaring at her a lot and attacked her in her bed the other day, and then recently when she asked if they could turn the air conditioning on in the car he angrily hissed no they couldn't and turned away.

But then, he'd also been grabbing her hands and had touched her arm as well, and she had to admit that was also unusual for him… confused wasn't a strong enough word for it.

However, she didn't worry about these things for too long, as the car was very warm and she still felt very tired, so fell asleep before they even hit the highway. In spite of also feeling rather drowsy, Natsume wouldn't allow himself to sleep like Mikan was and instead stared blankly out of the window as he tried to make sense of things.

He remembered the mission… and getting the children out of the building, but then things got confusing, as he could only just recall flashes of what looked like Mikan when she was younger collapsed and beaten on the floor, and then there were big blackouts of time. Like how he got from being by the truck to being back at the building again, or how Mikan ended there as well, or what had happened before she stole his Alice… it was all just _blank_.

He quickly grew frustrated with not being able to remember any of these things, and clenched one of his hands into a fist and thumped it against the car door.

"Natsume?" Ruka enquired tentatively, still not removing his eyes from the front window and the road ahead of them, "is everything okay?"

"Mmhmp," He sighed in irritation, "…yeah, Ruka, it's-" he was on this occasion interrupted from finishing his sentence by a weak wailing sound from the seat next to him.

"Na-ahh-" Mikan whimpered suddenly, her face twisted into a pained frown, "Uhm-…_no_…" turning to watch her suspiciously, Natsume rolled his eyes upon the realization that she was talking in her sleep, but just as he was about to turn away he noticed something more.

Mikan was doing more than just talking, in fact, she was crying. She wasn't sobbing or heaving at all, but there were steady tracks of tears streaming from the corners of her eyes and running down her face. Some had even fallen from her chin and were making damp spots on her skirt.

"Mikan?" Ruka twisted around in his seat worriedly, "Mikan!" he cried upon seeing her, "why are you-?"

"She's asleep." Natsume cut in, tilting his head curiously at her as the tears continued to fall. Ruka looked over to him with fresh concern in his eyes.

"She is?" He murmured softly, "then…should we wake her up?" Natsume paused before he answered this question, watching Mikan further as her lips stilled and tears continued to drip onto her lap.

"…Yeah." He muttered as he reached forwards to shake her shoulder and stir her.

However when his palm brushed against her shoulder he suddenly jerked away, because just as he touched her he'd been shocked with a memory of one of his not-so-successful missions in the past… one that had got someone who didn't deserve it killed.

"Hey?" Ruka probed, "is something up, Natsume?" Panicking slightly, Natsume reached out for Mikan again and shook her roughly.

"Electric shock." He said awkwardly, "Oi, Mikan, _Mikan_, wake up." She cried out a little when he shook her, and Ruka started fretting while Natsume decided she was simply getting him mixed up in her nightmare.

"Polka-dots," he baited, "come on, wake up." Mikan seized herself awake and swept her eyes around the car interior fearfully.

"Wha…oh…eh?" she gabbled drowsily until she set eyes on Natsume, "was I…?" she moaned and raised a hand to rub her eyes, staring at her palm in confusion as it came away wet.

"You were having a nightmare," Ruka said, as he turned around and stared back out of the window again to try and still his nausea, "are you alright?"

"Oh," she gasped and wiped more handfuls of tears from her face, "_again_…"

"Again?" Natsume shot inquisitively and leant across the seat a little, "when's 'again'?"

"Um…" she stuttered, "it's no big deal, really." She seemed very evasive for someone with such a large mouth, and this had Natsume interested: perhaps if he could find out what was happening to Mikan then it'd be easier to work out what _really _happened to the both of them.

"When." He demanded stonily, as she tucked her fingers under her legs and shifted in her seat.

"I think…" she said softly, "…Since I came to hospital," even Ruka looked around at this, and Mikan appeared to shrink into her seat, "like I said, guys, no big deal…"

"Every night?" Natsume asked sternly, and after a few seconds evasion she nodded.

"I don't always remember," she added, "but my face is always like this," she picked up a finger and trailed it down from the corner of her eye, dragging it across the moist and salty skin.

"Is that normal?" Ruka questioned, "Didn't you tell any of the nurses?" she shrugged and yawned.

"I'd feel silly for wasting people's time about bad dreams," she explained, "and I expect it'll all be back to normal by the time we get back to the Academy."

Natsume wondered if it that really _would_ be the case, and found himself rather doubting it as they left the issue alone after a plea from Mikan, and then for lack of a better thing to do he decided that he might as well sleep for a while. Unlike other nights at the hospital, this didn't seem to be very hard, and he was gone in no time.

As far as he was aware of, Natsume didn't share any of Mikan's nightmares after he dropped off… in fact he barely recalled any of his dreams, bar waking up thinking about the miniature railway round Central Town for some reason.

Although, this detail was quickly forgotten as he woke up in a rather strange place. He had fallen asleep like Mikan had, leaning against his arm on the car door: not exactly comfortable, but it served well enough for the time.

However, where he woke up was much softer… and it smelled better… and it had hair tickling his nose.

It was Mikan's shoulder.

How he came to be there was long lost to the realm of sleep, but Natsume was now simply stretched across most of the back seat, with his face tucked into the curve of Mikan's neck and his chin against her collarbone, and for someone so skinny and bony it was _ridiculously_ comfortable.

He moved his head slightly and half of his fringe fell across his face; it had been tucked behind his ear by hands other than his own, and he heard the likely candidate talking in a soft tone to Ruka in the seat in front of her. He kept up the pretence of sleep to pick up what they were talking about, and (to his relief?) they were only chatting about what she'd missed at school while they'd been away.

Having to defeat an urge to try and fall asleep again and remain exactly where he was, the better part of Natsume knew this should end now, and he slowly picked himself up off her shoulder.

"Oh, Natsume," Mikan smiled sweetly, "you're awake," he nodded groggily and gave her a mildly suspicious look, as he didn't usually move when he slept and _definitely_ didn't crawl across backseats to curl into Mikan's shoulder.

"We didn't wake you up, did we?" she added in the same soft and quiet tone, and he shook his head.

"How long was I sleeping?" he enquired, and she thought a moment before replying.

"About an hour and a bit," she answered, "it's not far now." He absent-mindedly wondered why she was smiling like that, seeming so happy and content and he couldn't think why.

It crossed his mind that it could be because she'd been talking to Ruka, but the train of thought was ended by a nasty twinge in his neck; suddenly sleeping on a girl's shoulder was not as comfortable a prospect anymore.

The shock also reminded him that he was several days behind on his medication, seeing as normal hospitals, even when staffed by chosen 'Alice sympathetic' nurses wouldn't have _all_ of his pills on their medical records. The Academy generally liked to keep things like that to itself, lest unpopular information be passed on to the real world through outsiders.

So Natsume rooted around for his bag on the floor, and eventually grabbed hold of the Khaki satchel by the strap and hauled it up onto the seat.

In spite of the thing having a large number of extra pockets, he still tended to just throw everything in the main section of this bag, and it always ended up a bit of a junk heap. So he started to forage around in the mess of empty capsules, food wrappers, and about four other kinds of medication or painkillers for the case he was looking for.

Finally he found one; admittedly with a hamburger wrapper half twisted around it, and picked out a double dose of the medication (a basic counter effect to unlimited Alices that most students of his class took whether they were getting sick or not) and swallowed the six coloured pills just as they went over a speed bump.

Mikan watched him, from pawing through that disgusting bag to downing a handful of pills without even gagging.

"Are you _supposed_ to take that many at once, Natsume?" she asked a tad rhetorically, of course she knew all the things he took, in fact she spent about half of middle-school trying to get him to take them when he was in those black 'I don't care' moods.

"Catch-up," he explained flatly, "how long were we in there, Ruka?"

"Five days." He answered calmly, "not including today."

"Oh," said Natsume, and reopened the case to take two more of the capsules, "I guess I was out longer than I expected."

"Everyone's been really worried," Mikan told him almost proudly, "they wanted to come and visit but because we were such a long way away the Principle wouldn't let anyone leave." Natsume nodded expectantly, then settling eyes on their friend in the front of the car began.

"What about Ru-"

"I've been AWOL," he answered with a grin, and cast his eyes up through the sunlight in the car, following his eyes Mikan and Natsume noticed the large winged shape gliding gracefully above the car.

"Oh Ruka!" Mikan sighed, "You're going to get in trouble because of us!" He smiled empathetically at her.

"I don't mind," he replied warmly, while Natsume unscrewed the top of another pill case and tossed one of Nonoko's special fast-acting painkillers down his throat: a speciality that the technology-type Alice made for him personally.

"Natsume!" Mikan chided as he popped yet more pills on the road back with a dangerously carefree attitude, "you know, we _aren't_ going back to the hospital if you overdose before we're even back at the Academy!"

* * *

AWOL is Away WithOut Leave in case anyone didn't know the military reference, and I'm thrilled that many of my reviewers from Some Things Never Change turned up here, your words really do keep me going :D

I put a lot of time into this, so it would be nice if you could spare a few seconds of yours to review.


	3. Misery Business

:D Updated, thanks to everyone who reads and reviews.

Thanks to the anon 'Natsumemikanfan', who corrected me on the 'principle/principal' business - I go to a british private school, so we have headmasters :)

* * *

The car arrived back at Alice Academy before Mikan, Natsume and Ruka's friends were out of lessons, so at Ruka's insistence (who had to go to the principal's office to pick up his detentions), Natsume and Mikan went to their own rooms.

"You still need to rest." He told them, "I'll come and check on you as soon as they let me out." Mikan nodded and Natsume shrugged, then they split ways to head off to their own rooms, as they were in different blocks and had ne need to walk together: unsurprisingly boys and girls were separated once they got to high school.

"See ya," said Natsume as he shoved his hands into his pockets and shouldered his bag: the bad mood he'd been in over Mikan had more or less gone now, as the car journey and his little nap had improved his temperament significantly, and if it counted for anything he didn't really _feel _like being mad at her.

"Yeah, bye Natsume," she replied, "I'll see you around." They began walking off on their own paths until she suddenly remembered something and span around and ran back a little way to shout, "Hey Natsume!" He quirked his head over his shoulder and indicated he was temporarily listening.

"If I see Reira-senpai should I let her know you're back?" Natsume stopped dead, he hadn't thought about Reira for almost a week.

For those who were unaquianted with her, Fujikawa Reira was a stunning senior year student who would've loved nothing more dearly than to be the girlfriend of Natsume Hyuga, but, as it was all she had from him were a few weeks of informal dates sparked off from when they were introduced, and some semi-interested kisses. He'd hinted that he _might_ want to take things further, and she was all too eager, but it had yet to happen.

He dug his hands deeper into his pockets and thought about her… more specifically, he thought about all the reasons he'd want to say _yes _to Mikan's question, as his gut had involuntarily screamed no the moment she mentioned her.

To start with, she was pretty, she was nice without being suffocatingly annoying (like Mikan), and she had a safe silly Alice that let her work in incredibly precise detail. This made her both a talented artist, and occasionally commissioned by Hotaru to assemble her nanotechnology circuits.

It also made her a normal, happy, uneventful student of the Academy… and that in itself was a novelty to him.

However, this did make her kind of a 'nothing better to do' girl, and he'd quickly realized that whenever he was busy or there was something important happening in his life, he forgot almost completely about her.

The past days were no exception. But on the other hand, he thought it couldn't hurt to see her and get those odd moments with Mikan off his mind, even if his body was still begging for rest.

"Sure," he finally answered, "you can tell her." Mikan smiled, nodded and continued on her way, now plotting the best way she could 'accidentally' bump into Reira-chan and give her the good news.

Mikan actually met Reira before Natsume did, and had quickly befriended her and gained a new senpai, so it was also by her devices (unbeknownst to Natsume) that they'd been set up, after Reira hinted that she had a small, or not so small crush on him. She honestly wished the very best for the both of them.

Unfortunately, it wasn't Reira that Mikan ran into on her way back to her room, but one of her teachers.

"Sakura-chan!" Her English professor called out across one of the Academy's ornamental gardens upon catching sight of her, "you're back!"

"Ah" Mikan span around to face her tall but otherwise bland teacher, "Kujiradou-sensei! Yes, me and Natsume just got back."

Kujiradou raised a hand and tapped a finger against his chin, he, like everyone else, knew that students Hyuga and Sakura had been in hospital most of this week, but still didn't know what had actually happened: he was probably too much of a coward to ask for himself.

"The principal will want to see you," he told her curtly, "but... if you need to rest he will wait a few hours before sending for you." Mikan shivered at the thought of having to see the Principal, because truth be said she _still _couldn't stand him.

"Um… okay, Kujiradou-sensei, thank you." She lowered her head and resolved to go and get Natsume before she went anywhere near that man's office.

After arriving back at their respective special and two-star rooms, Natsume and Mikan obliged Ruka by going to bed. However after a half hour of unsuccessfully trying to sleep Natsume gave up and decided to have a shower instead, turning the water up as hot as he could to try and get some proper heat back into his body.

Mikan tried reading, changing her clothes and drawing her curtains to dim the daylight, but it didn't really help, and after an hour or so gave up on sleeping as well; unpacking her wash bag and then washing her hair in the sink in her room.

She was slowly brushing and towelling her hair dry when there was a knock at the door, and whistling a cheerful 'come in!' was bowled over by half the girls in her class heavily laden with presents and home-made 'get well' cards.

"Mikan-chan!" the larger majority of them cried, and huddled around her with a multitude of questions about what had happened, where she'd been, if she'd seen Natsume and whether she'd bought any good magazines back from outside.

"Um, yes, I'm not sure… no? He's…hey… wait…" Mikan struggled to keep up with the mass of questions and eventually started banging her hairbrush on the floor like a gavel.

"Right!" she shouted, "calm down, everyone! I'm gonna get things straight! First, I _was _in hospital but they didn't tell me which, second, it was because me and Natsume… uh, ...we were in an accident." She glanced around nervously and thankfully didn't read any mistrust in her friend's smiles. She'd decided a long time ago that sometimes it was better not to mention absolutely _everything _to people – at least when they were that happy brand of student that don't _know _the way things are; Natsume taught her about the sacrifices you make for other people's happiness.

"Before you ask _he's_ fine, I'm fine, we'll take one more day off classes to rest, and I'm sorry I couldn't get anything to bring back, but I… aha! Reira-senpai!" A fair haired girl winding a ribbon that had been in her hair around her hands looked up from the door and smiled at Mikan.

"I'm glad you're both okay, Mikan-chan," she said quietly, and tilted her head to the side slightly as she pushed her hair behind her ear, "if you want... I'll kick these clucking chickens out so you can get some rest." Mikan smiled and shook her head, telling her friends out of earshot 'she doesn't _really_ mean it' before they took it seriously: Reira always liked to put on a tough show in front of younger students, but really she was very nice.

"Natsume-" Mikan started, but was shaken off by Sumire who began hissing something unintelligible in her ear about 'wouldn't dare' and 'not Fujikawa-chan', but Mikan dutifully ignored this.

"Senpai, Natsume said he'd really like it if you went to see him this evening." She announced brightly, glossing over the few 'modifications' she'd made to Natsume's words, and the rewards of which shone through in Reira's smile.

"He did!" she rushed gleefully, then remembering she was in the company of juniors regained her composure, "oh, cool. In that case I guess I'll…" Mikan winked and waved goodbye.

"Don't tell him I told you." She replied as her senpai walked out of sight and then started running frantically, and Mikan went back to answering the questions of her worried and excited friends.

However, being asked so many innocent questions made Mikan realize that she actually knew very little about what happened, and what she had learnt from Natsume's accusations (about her and the 's'-word) she kept quiet about, because the last thing she wanted was another scandal blowing up just when she'd managed to find some measure of stability in this school.

In addition she also started feeling a bit queasy when question-time ran on too long, and had to say goodbye to her friends and herd them out of the room before she was sick on one.

_(She was sick in the sink instead.)_

"Urg… I'm sure it's nothing serious…" she told herself as she washed out her mouth and went to brush her teeth, "probably… probably just because of that hospital food."

"Yes," she nodded to herself as she opened a window and tried to tuck herself into bed again, "hospital food."

* * *

It hadn't taken Reira long to cross the campus, sneak past a few door robots, climb a wall and jump across a balcony to get to Natsume's room, and while she realized the cinematic playing out in her head of him raising those _rich crimson _eyes to her and claiming that his close brush with death had made him realize just how much he _needed_ her, now and forever more… it was nice to imagine.

As it was, she had to stop for a few minutes and rebuild her confidence when she got outside his door, because hate herself for it she was always _nervous _around him. Even though he was younger than her.

"C'me on, Reira, don't be silly…" she whispered and raised her hand to the door, willing her muscles to perform all the actions that together formulated a knocking action. "It's just a knock,_ tap-tap,_ and all over… " still her hands would not obey her mind, "you do this _all_ the time, Rei, so now is no different to… just pretend it's…"

"Reira?" A muffled voice came through the door, "I can hear you talking to yourself." Her carefully gathered nerves disbanded in one big blast and she had to go back to instincts as she ordered her hand to abort mission and change to the 'open door' command as he added, "it's unlocked."

"Ah… Natsume-kun, I was just…" she rushed as she stepped through the door, she could see him quirking an eyebrow at her ever-so slightly, and tried to ignore her stomach doing flips. Catching sight of some of his medication on the side table, she rushed forwards with a sweet and caring expression.

"Oh Natsume-kun, are you alright?" she asked and he did a guilty double-take at the bottles and knocked them into his bag: he had yet to let Reira catch onto the amount of drugs he pumped into his body to keep it going from day to day.

"Of course," he muttered, "they're just… uh, painkillers." He didn't consider it lying when it was partially the truth; _amongst _other things there were_ some_ painkillers in that bag.

"Oh… well…" she replied uneasily and stopped to loiter in the middle of his room, "don't take too many, okay? My mom told me too many are bad for you." Natsume repressed a bitter laugh and quickly focused on something they couldn't disagree on (even unknowingly), taking the conversation away from the touchy subject of medication.

Because girlfriends, as he had concluded after his first real date with another girl after 'Mikan' way back when, were not for talking about serious things with. They got freaked out; they couldn't handle it _or _him, and very frequently it all just ended up going down in flames... in several senses of the word. Friends were for that sort of stuff: girls were just girls.

"So have they let you have any contact with her?" he questioned, always mildly interested to know what life was like under the Academy for those normal, unimportant students.

"Oh, they let me send postcards now!" she gushed happily: always the mother's girl and having forgotten what they'd even been talking about in the first place, "because I'll be graduating so _soon _it would be silly not to let her know when I'm going to be able to see her!"

He raised his eyebrows again at her choice of words in 'so soon', five months was hardly soon for anything.

"But listen to me!" she giggled to herself as she noticed a plaster on his hand from where a drip had been, "here you are out of hospital and I'm going on about my mom…" Natsume sighed and half-smiled at her, lightly tapping the bed beside him to hint that she could come and sit next to him instead of standing four paces inside the door like a lost rabbit.

Of course Natsume wasn't stupid, and had realized moments after telling Mikan 'she could _tell_ Reira' meant as good as 'Mikan hunts down Reira to tell her something very different to what he said', so he had been expecting this visit before the day was out... although they had been _quick_ about it this time.

Occasionally he thought that they all might be plotting against him, but usually hoped he was smart enough to notice something like _that_.

"Um, okay," she said meekly, and ran over to the bedside and took a seat, tucking her feet up underneath her as she glanced over at him sheepishly.

She really was _very _pretty, he thought as he looked at her in profile. She had a neat heart-shaped face and fair hair that she always complained of doing something called 'frizzing', and thanks to her Alice she also always wore beautifully applied makeup, and as a bonus she even had a good body.

Very un-Mikan-like, he reckoned, who was still built like a beanpole and had a mouth that could talk all four legs off a donkey… and he also had no idea why he was suddenly comparing her to Mikan.

"I wish you wouldn't look at me like that, sometimes," she remarked under her breath, and snapped Natsume out of his trance, as he sat forwards and drank her in even more obviously.

"Like what?" he alluded, staring straight at her without even a trace of a smile, full of the fire and intensity that he was infamous for.

"Like… _that,_" she huffed, "like you can see _everything _about me." Now he broke out into a small grin, and raising a hand to put a finger under her chin he turned her face up, and then pressed his lips onto her for a brief moment.

"Maybe I'm just _imagining_ I can see everything." He said in a low tone, and kissed her again for a little longer.

This was better, he thought to himself as her eyes fluttered shut and she happily obliged him taking the kiss further, this was what things _ought_ feel like.

Kiss a girl and he could imagine that 'everything' they flirted with, imagine touching her, holding her…_screwing_ her. No awkwardness with that: just a nice, simple, straightforward indication of his desire and attraction.

That's all kisses were, anyway. He'd said the same when he was ten, they are no big deal, there's no fireworks or butterflies or crashing waves; it was just a step towards sex, and he was sure he wouldn't think twice about sleeping with Reira… that was _if_ he had nothing better to do.

She was a difficult situation for him, because although she was hot, available, _quiet…_ everything a girl should be to suit his tastes, it would be flat-out a lie to say he thought about her all day every day.

It would also be a lie to say he thought about her_ every day_. Sometimes he forgot about her entirely for days, and then someone would suddenly remind him that she was there and he'd have to take her out to make up for it.

At least she was getting his mind of Mikan. Because it was also a lie to say _that_ hadn't been one of his ulterior motives in meeting her now. He let things carry on for a few more minutes then put a stop to it before it got out of hand.

"Good to see you again too," he attempted to joke, and she indulged him with a girlish laugh, "still, I'm pretty tired" he lied, "so… I'll catch up with you later?" Aside from giving him that little look that always meant she had been hoping he would finally ask her out (and it would be yet _another _lie to say it was high on his plans), she left without any fuss and left him in peace.

Although it was never long lived for Natsume.

* * *

It was after another whole hour of unsuccessful sleep on Mikan's part before she finally gave up, and put on some proper clothes to go fetch Natsume. As she'd decided before, there was no way in hell she was going to see the Principal without him, even if he _was _in the middle of a heavy makeout session with Reira.

Stopping suddenly on the path when she stared at the brickwork for too long and thought she was going to be sick again, but luckily wasn't, Mikan noticed a light rain beginning to fall and began to jog towards Natsume's block to try and beat it before it got worse.

Because it was never easy to sneak into a boy's dormitory block as a girl, and she wasn't like Reira, who had the determination to find new ways in every time, Mikan had long since adopted the method of throwing stones at Natsume's window to get his attention. Though for once she didn't have to throw up a whole flowerbed for him to notice, as he came to the window after she'd thrown the first couple of pebbles against the glass.

"You?" he called down to her curiously, bleary-eyed from lying on his bed with a pillow pressed over his face for half an hour, "what do you want?"

"I have to go and see the Principal!" she yelled back up, "and... I didn't really want to go without you." Shrugging with a tired 'why me' look on his face, Natsume nodded at her and walked away from the window, grabbing a jacket before he walked out to meet her round the front door.

"You really are pathetic," he commented as he zipped up his jacket and stuck his hands in his pockets, reverting to his normal behaviour around Mikan, if a little forced, "I can't believe you still let that man get to you."

"Well he freaks me out," she said shamefully, "and besides... he'll probably ask what happened, and I can't really remember, so I… don't want to go and… mix things up by saying the wrong thing."

"Oh," Natsume hummed as they walked down the path in step, "you want to get your story straight?" Shooting him a dry look for having to word it like _that_, Mikan shrugged again and looked around.

"Basically."

"Heh," he chuckled, but lost his humour when he realized he was no better off in terms of memory than she was, "well, I don't know either… apart from you ste-"

"Yeah I know _that_." She cut in quickly, "but… you won't… tell them, will you?" She looked worried, and Natsume heaved another sigh.

"Na," he muttered, "just…" he remembered he wasn't angry with her anymore and tried to keep his voice calm as it threatened to flare up in bitterness, "why did you do it?" Mikan continued looking around edgily, very obviously trying to avoid looking at him as that would only make her feel guiltier.

"I think…" she started softly, "I think…" she frowned, and tried to push back in her memory; she unwittingly glanced at Natsume in the process, and an image of him wincing in pain as he propelled flames forwards shot into her mind.

"I think I was trying to… stop you." She finally said, stopping her steps again to pause and let her sudden nausea die down, "from doing something…"

"…Bad?" He supplied bluntly, and more images of fire and danger flashed through Mikan's mind.

"Um, _no_." She rushed, "No I don't…" He shot her a dark look and she sighed heavily, "I don't remember, Natsume. But… I'd probably… only do something like that if it was an emergency."

He seemed to close up with the unfortunate realization as well, and they walked the rest of the way in a moody silence, arriving at the Principal's office and being ushered in straight away.

"Ahh," the sinister looking man purred as they stepped into his office, "Natsume-kun, Mikan-chan."

"Sir…" they mumbled in unison, and unconsciously stepped closer together as the ordeal began.

* * *

"... And I'm sure I don't have to highlight to you how close you both came to death then," he told them in a cool and emotionless voice, "but what I _do _want to know, is what happened to nearly kill my precious students?" Mikan shivered and suddenly, as if by some kind of summoning art, Natsume's hand shot out grabbed hold of hers, hidden from the Principal's view by their bodies pressed almost side-to-side.

"Nothing happened." Natsume said flatly and squeezed her hand assuringly, "not that we can remember." There was a pause as the Principal looked at Mikan and she nodded hesitantly, "so… perhaps you should better research... the abilities of the AAO. They caught Mikan and me unaware." Fidgeting at the lie, Mikan felt his hand tighten around hers again, and for all the reasons it should've meant nothing but friendship and Natsume being nice for once and comforting her; she felt as if she should pull away because of Reira… yet, she _couldn't_.

"Mikan-chan," the Principal fixed his icy gaze on her, "is this true?"

"Ah…" she stuttered, "yes… Sensei. Natsume… came to get me and… someone."

"Someone knocked us out." Natsume cut in, "then we woke up in hospital, _right_ Mikan?"

"Right." She rushed and bowed her head, eyes on the floor as a painful moment of silence implied that they didn't have anything more to say.

"…hmph," the Principal was heard to sigh, "I see. Then, I expect you both need your rest." He made a flicking gesture towards the door and Mikan released a heavy breath.

"But! Please ensure no 'accidents' happen again, _Natsume-__kun_." He added as they turned their backs on him, and walking out as quickly as possible, Mikan collapsed into one of the waiting chairs by the door and shuddered heavily.

"…hate that man…" she whispered as Natsume hovered near her with a strange mix of annoyance at her weakness and awkwardness at her unhappiness.

"Um, hey…" he said tentatively and tapped the top of her head gently with his knuckles, "it's over now though, right?"

"Yeah," she breathed, nodding as if to assure herself and then uncurling her body and slowly standing up, "it is." Relieved to see her all right again, Natsume half-smiled and started to walk away, only to be held back as a hand shot out to grab his jacket.

"Thanks for coming with me," she told him gratefully, "it means a lot." Natsume froze, and quickly found himself having to almost consciously picture Reira doing something extravagant and provocative, something _sexy_... something that would definitely not have anything to do with Mikan, so she would definitely not be in that area of his thoughts.

"Yeah, no problem." He muttered and stepped away, not turning to face her as he added, "uh, you coming, then?" and she jumped to her feet to follow him in silence, as they parted ways once again to go back to their own rooms.

However, unfortunately their own rooms did not seem to mean sleep in their own beds, as try as either of them might they couldn't get a single wink of sleep that night; not even Mikan could drop off for a nightmare or two, and Natsume cursed the medication as he lay motionless in the dark.

When the sun finally began to bleach the horizon, Natsume got fed up of trying to fool himself into sleeping first, and gave up in favour of another hot shower, which Mikan eventually copied as she rose a little later to visit the washroom at the end of her dorm.

"At least there's no lessons…" she muttered hoarsely to herself as she dragged out the bags under her eyes in front of the steamy mirror.

Stuck in a limbo of being tired but unable to sleep, Natsume stared at his ceiling aimlessly for an hour, re-read a couple of old manga volumes, and then dragged himself over to the canteen in a dressing gown for some coffee, which didn't really help.

It was a little before eleven when he heard a light tapping sound at his window, and groaning as he got out of bed he stumbled over and peered out at an equally dishevelled looking Mikan standing on the grass below.

"Eh? Mikan?" He called down hoarsely, but his voice was lost to the wind and he ended up shrugging and pointing to his door: everyone would be in lessons now so she would be able get inside without much of a problem.

"I don't see why you hate knocking on the door…" he muttered as he pushed his open and let in the pasty-looking girl, "when you break one of those windows…"

"Mhmm," she groaned, "yes, Natsume… I know... just, not now, okay? I didn't sleep at _all _last night." She shuddered and began sinking into a pile on the floor, as he rolled his eyes and got a spare blanket out from under his bed for her.

"You too, huh?" he said quietly, "why'd you come all the way over here then?" He dumped the blanket around her shoulders and noticed her staring dismally at the floor.

"I…I…" she faintly, "I-I… don't know…" he had to try hard at that moment not to pity her.

It was a full fifteen minutes later when Mikan had finally managed to move from the floor to the bed, seeking comfort in the very spot Reira had sat just the day before… although Natsume liked to keep his mind away from such comparisons.

"You know, Natsume…" She yawned and curled her legs up underneath her, "it's funny… how…"

"How what?" he questioned sharply, looking up from a comic book, "what? Mikan?" He frowned when she didn't respond and begrudgingly got up to check on her, discovering that she was in fact asleep sitting upright on his bed.

"Fool," he whispered and softly leant her back onto the bed, watching her smile in her sleep (for once) and curl up like a cat as if it were _her _bed she was sleeping in, "why did you come here?"

As much as he wanted an answer to that question, he wouldn't wake her for it, and almost enviously of the sleep she was getting returned to his seat, turning his drab attention back to the far-too-bright comic book and the paper characters.

It was just as he was about to reach the anti-climatic climax of the story, that Natsume noticed that Mikan was making sounds in her sleep again, sniffing, hiccupping sounds he suspected he might know the cause of. Pulling his tired body up yet again, he crossed over to her and sure enough, she was crying.

"Why…" he murmured as he leant over and watched her weeping face, suddenly overcome by a powerful wave of affection for her, though just… for _being _her, and not someone else… someone predictable or compatible with him.

She was _Mikan, _all the strings attached and life wouldn't be the same without her whether he liked it or not, and he thought how he couldn't have (and probably _wouldn't_ have) asked for a better companion.

"_Why…_are you crying, Mikan?" he finished the sentence on less than a breath, and reached out a finger to tap her forehead and wake her; burdened with memories of all they'd been together in the past, and just how much she had done for him in six years.

Opening her tear-filled eyes and not being at all surprised to see him staring back at her, Mikan blinked a fresh wave of tears down her cheeks and simply replied.

"Why _aren't _you?"

* * *

Yes, there are some obstacles to Natsume and Mikan's relationship, I'm so wicked and plot-writing aren't I? :P

Reviews please.


	4. Tire Swing

Updated at last. I've been quite busy as I'm judging a set of fanfiction awards (Final fantasy VII fandom, there's a link on my profile) but I haven't forgotten about this story. Thanks to everyone who reviewed for showing their support.

* * *

In spite of the generous, benevolent feeling it _didn't_ give Natsume to let Mikan sleep in his bed, and especially as she only seemed to cry in it and even _he _didn't think the mattress was that bad; the fatigue of not sleeping for well over twelve hours soon caught up with him, and he decided he needed to get some shut-eye as well, Mikan or no.

However, she was completely _in_ his bed now and tucked up warmly under all of his covers as a result of his poor attempts at comforting her from a nightmare – the one that apparently ended with the question 'why aren't you crying?' as she'd just come out with it suddenly, and as much as he yelled at or shook her afterwards she wouldn't answer his questions or even her own.

She even seemed to have never properly woken up in the first place, as she started sniffing again and stared straight through him to the door, as if there were someone there when in reality there wasn't.

So cruel as he could be, he couldn't kick her out in that state: she hadn't slept last night either, so he just sighed and tugged and prodded her under the covers, tucking her up the way his parent's used to do to him and simply curling up in a lightly padded chair himself and propping his feet up on the end of the bed. It was by no means heaven, but he was far too tired to care.

"Nite" he mumbled to no one in particular and quickly nodded off, wrapping his tightly robe around his body to gain whatever warmth it could provide, as _someone _had all the blankets as well.

* * *

_"You find them?" someone with a long hood covering their face asked the moment they set foot outside the door. They nodded, and they began to hurry down the back alley, moving away from the sounds of conflict._

_"How many were they?" Someone asked in a low voice as he followed behind them, watching their backs for any pursuers and waving a signal over to the driver._

_"Didn't see," They grunted in reply, "more than four." Someone seemed to sigh unhappily and quickly overtook them, calling out to someone in the driver's cab._

_"Better check them quickly, … , it's not worth coming all this way for nothing." Someone announced, and as the door of the van swung open someone else stepped out._

_Exhausted already and sure they were i__n fact bleeding through that wound again, they didn't need to be told twice to put the children down; as the fighting appeared to be nearly over one or two other people came running up, and they laid the two fragile bodies down on the ground._

_"Uh, mission accomplished?" Someone else enquired hopefully, only to be hushed by someone. They were just about to relax when a foreboding sound interrupted them._

_"Uh-oh…"_

* * *

_Mom's favourite sweets were kept in a jar on top of the kitchen cupboard, and when me or … had done something good dad would get the jar down and let us have one, then so mom wouldn't find out he'd slowly replace them with marbles so the level in the jar looked the same, though I think she noticed after she broke a tooth on one._

_I always tried really hard with something if I thought dad might give me one of Mom's sweets, but they're not here anymore so I don't tend to so much._

* * *

_"Jii-chan… where are my mom and dad?"_

_"In the stars, (white noise)."_

* * *

An indeterminable amount of time later, Natsume woke, sluggishly, his eyes half open and heavy under their own weight. In his semi-conscious state he realized just how uncomfortable he was on the chair, and spotting his bed right in front of him he didn't think twice about crawling around, with slow sloth-like movements, to lie down and press his face gratefully into his pillow.

He didn't seem to notice Mikan next to him, not even when she rolled over and nearly hit him in the face.

* * *

_"Natsume?"_

_"Mikan?"_

_They couldn't see each other, even though they both saw a rich dreamlike landscape surrounding them, although they still seemed to be able to communicate somehow._

_"Natsume?"_

_"Mikan."_

_"Natsume??"_

_"Mikan?"_

_"Natsume!"_

_"Yes Mikan?"_

_"Natsume?!"_

_"**What** Mikan!"_

_Even in dreams it seemed that old patterns didn't change._

_"Oh… it really is Natsume."_

_"Of course it is, idiot."_

_"Where are we?"_

_"Why would you ask me that? It's your dream isn't it?"_

_"It is?"_

_"…"_

_"I thought it was yours."_

_"…"_

_"Natsume?"_

_"Don't start that again."_

_"Oh, sorry."_

_"…But…"_

_"What?"_

_"Why would I dream about you?"_

* * *

When Natsume and Mikan woke up, it was some five hours later when Ruka, having come to Natsume's room to see him after school ended, knocked on the door.

The immediate reaction was confusion, as neither Mikan nor Natsume remembered having got into bed together, however, there they were: Natsume _was_ on top of the covers while she was beneath them, but Mikan was also laying _on_ his chest with an arm looped across his stomach, and he had an arm wrapped respectively around her shoulders.

Considering they hadn't even slept like _that _before: the closest they'd got in the past was definitely nowhere _near_ sleeping together (in any sense of the word – they were _twelve_), so it was unusual that they'd managed to mould so perfectly into one another and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. If they weren't Natsume and Mikan, of course.

Next came surprise.

"Wah! Natsume!" Mikan squeaked as she bolted upright and rubbed her face instinctively, "I'm sorry!"

"Mmnnmgh" he groaned in response, never one to wake very well, sitting up and staring down at a small damp patch on his chest, "urm…have you been crying on me?" He slurred, gradually focusing on her face as she rubbed around her eyes curiously, but they both came to the conclusion that for once Mikan had _not _been having any nightmares.

Which mean that patch could only be one thing.

"…Gross, Mikan." Natsume clipped as she wiped the drool from the corner of her mouth.

"Well…um… at least I didn't cry, right?" she said defensively, as she tried to wriggle away from him and realized she'd been put properly into the bed, "hey… how did I get here?" She asked, only vaguely recalling making it to the bed in the first place, and definitely not getting in it.

"Oh, I did that," he muttered, "when you were crying and I woke you up."

"Eh?" She replied curiously, "when was that?" he turned to look at her with disbelief.

"You don't remember?" he said, "you talked to me, you even sat up and got under the covers… you said something like 'why aren't you crying' and that there was someone at the door and you blew your nose on my covers." Her blank expression convinced him that she really _didn't_ remember any of that.

"Okaay." He muttered sarcastically and rolled off the bed, though he realized he wasn't really any better himself, as _he_ went to sleep on that chair and woke up somewhere else entirely without having any memories of moving whatsoever.

Whilst this confused exchange had been taking place, Ruka was still standing outside the door listening to the muffled voices.

"Natsume?" he knocked on the door again, "is there someone in there with you?" Both Mikan and Natsume froze and felt a bolt of panic, obviously enough she wasn't _meant _to be there and explaining it would not be an easy task… even to Ruka.

Natsume knew of course that Ruka still held a torch for Mikan on a semi-serious basis, and would rather die than put him through thinking there was something _happening _between them, which even though there wasn't, he would almost inescapably assume there was if he walked in now.

"Um…" he ran to the door and pushed it shut just as Ruka twisted the handle and opened it, "just a second, Ruka, I've got to…" he gestured for the bed and after a moments confusion, thinking he wanted her to get back _in _bed, Mikan realized he meant under it and quickly dived across the floor, dragging her feet out of sight last as Natsume tore open the door and panted.

"Hey! Is it that time already?" he tried to ignore Ruka peering past him and looking around the room suspiciously.

"I thought I heard you talking to someone…" he said quietly, and Natsume shrugged and coughed poignantly as he let Ruka in and closed the door behind him.

"Nope." He replied darkly, "I was just… thinking out loud…" Ruka gave him an odd look and Natsume didn't blame him for it; he wasn't exactly the sort to talk to himself.

"Anyway." He moved the conversation on quickly and paced his room, as even though he hadn't slept for long he felt quite energised, "I'll be back in class tomorr… actually, do we have chemistry tomorrow?"

"Um, no." answered Ruka vaguely.

"Okay, yeah, I'll be back in class tomorrow." He said, moving back to the chair he'd slept in and sitting cross-legged on it, "and…anything in particular you came for?" he said, plain _ignoring_ the muffled sounds of protest and '_get rid of him'_ coming from under his bed.

"Not really, just to talk, I guess." Ruka replied, and at that Mikan learnt that her two best male friends talked about absolutely nothingof interest when they were on their own, and in spite of being underneath a dusty bed curled up in a ball hiding from _Ruka _of all people, she fell asleep.

It was probably an hour and a half until she woke up again, sneezing herself awake and crawling out from under the bed with water streaming from her eyes.

"Oh," Natsume looked up from a book with a deadpan expression, Ruka having left almost forty minutes ago, "you're still here."

"What do you mean 'still here'?!" she screeched, "you _forgot _I was there, Natsume!" He shrugged and went back to his book.

"You were being unusually quiet." He remarked, though it wasn't the wisest move considering she was already mad.

"I was asleep!" wailed Mikan as she scrubbed dirt that tears had locked on her face, "and look, the dust even made my eyes water."

"Or you were crying again." He muttered and she shot him a serious look.

"I thought that stopped? I mean… earlier…" she said as he shrugged yet again.

"Could've been an exception." He turned the page and tried to think of reasons why he might conveniently 'forget' she was there and allow her to stay in his room, hidden, much longer than was necessary. Remembering, he tried to keep his voice cool and indifferent as he asked, "do… you remember what you dreamt about?"

"Uhmmm," she said as she dusted out her clothes and sneezed again, "let's see… I think I… maybe I saw the ocean, um, but it might not have been, because, there was a… fire or something…" his breath caught in his throat; if anyone dreamt about burning oceans it would be him. After all, he'd seen them before. He'd created them before.

_(But why would she?)_

"And… there were some people, as well…" she continued obliviously, "but… I'm not sure… they disappeared and I heard some noises and …" he dropped the book to listen, wondering just how far the comparison would go and if she would give up any details, trying to tell if what he thought had happened had really happened.

"And?" he echoed.

"And…then I sneezed." She chuckled, "you know, Hotaru told me that you only remember dreams when you wake up before the end."

Natsume rolled his eyes and sighed; only Mikan could ruin something like that so well.

"Tch, better get out of here then," he told her flatly, "Unless you want to go back under the bed of course."

"Not really." She replied, folding up his blankets and making a half-hearted attempt to make the bed, "so I guess… see you later, then?"

"Yeah," he said, "tomorrow. Only one more day until the weekend."

"Natsume!" she scolded, "you haven't been to one day of class this week!" he smirked and picked up the book again as she passed him going to the door.

"Still one day too many." He replied under his breath, and she grinned and shrugged before peeking round the door out into the hallway, and then dashing out with a quick 'bye!'

He then spent the next hour or so feeling like he'd been dangerously friendly with Mikan, and wondering why it had made him feel so odd waking up next to her.

That evening, both to her annoyance and his suspicion, they had matching sleepless night awaiting them yet again, and as a result were also on time to school – as they had been up since the early hours of the morning anyway.

* * *

Mikan was slumped over her desk when he came through the door, and only murmured a weary "good-morining," and yawned into the table.

"You as well, then." He replied and she slowly looked up at him, noticing tell-tale rings under his eyes and even more of a slouch than usual. As he slumped into the seat beside her she gathered up enough energy to speak.

"I did it before…" she whined, "why just not at night?" He realized this would be a good opportunity to mention his idea, but only got as far as 'about that…' before some other early bird burst into the classroom and ruined their privacy.

"Eh? Huyga-san? Mikan-chan?" the boy greeted then suspiciously, "why are you two both here so early."

"Oh, we didn't get much sleep last night," Mikan answered just as Natsume whacked her on the back of the head.

"Don't say it like that!" He told her, and then turning to their classmate amended the statement, "neither of us could sleep last night, Kyo-kun, because of our… hospital meds." He elbowed Mikan just in case she was considering exposing this as a lie, but fortunately she didn't wish to be in any rumours either and had just realized what that might've sounded like.

"Oh, are you guys okay?" the boy replied, "someone told me you were in an accident a while ago. Must've been quite bad if you were off for this long." Natsume shrugged and Mikan started to snore as she snoozed on the desk with Natsume's elbow still embedded firmly in her ribs.

"Oi, wake up," Natsume jogged her and she snorted herself awake, "you'll end up in trouble if you can't even stay awake for five minutes."

"Aaw." She groaned, "I was having a nice dream as well… I was playing sparklers with some children… and whenever one went out I'd fix it for them." He bolted around to stare at her; this was the second time she'd come up with something like that.

"Fix how?" he demanded, and although she looked at him a bit funny eventually answered.

"I could re-light them," she said, and then after pause added, "sort of like if I could make fire to… hey, sort of like if I had your Alice, Natsu—"

She stopped dead as the weight of her words hit her, then turning to him stunned found herself on the receiving end of a desperately serious look.

"Natsume?" She said meekly, and without breaking eye contact he held out an arm and pointed towards the door, "could you leave us alone for a few minutes, Kyo-kun." It was an order and not a question.

"But…" the boy protested, however when the air around him started warming up in a somewhat threatening way he quickly corrected himself, "yes of course Natsume-san." And hurriedly left the classroom.

"Why did he have to leave?" Mikan asked him, but Natsume only held his transfixing stare.

"Mikan," he started to say carefully, "I think-"

"Natsume-san?" A voice he was sure he'd banished out of the room sounded up.

"I asked you to leave, Kyo-kun." He said threateningly, and tilted his head a fraction to notice his classmate standing awkwardly just by the door.

"Yes Natsume-san, but…" the boy started nervously.

"No buts!" Natsume hissed, "_out_, Kyo."

"I think, Natsume-kun, that _I_ might have a _but_," a cold and deadly voice announced, one belonging to a similarly cold and deadly man. Natsume shudder and Mikan's head lowered as she stared into her lap.

"_Persona_…" they whispered in unison, then exchanged a worried glance at their mimicry.

"Kyo-kun, was it?" That deadly voice continued, and Mikan heard a faint gasping followed by a stifled wail, as Persona had most probably brushed the boy very lightly – not enough to do lasting damage, but it caused a fair amount of pain, as she was well aware, "be a good child and run along." They heard rushed and frightened footsteps fleeing the scene and this time it was Mikan who laid her hand over Natsume's as _that person _walked through the door.

"Ah, my two favourite pupils," he hissed hypnotically, though they knew _that _was a lie – Persona _hated _Mikan with a passion, "good to see you in class so early."

"You know us." Natsume clipped in a strained tone, "g-" he stammered and quickly stopped himself, taking a deep breath and flexing again Mikan's hand, "good students." Persona chuckled to himself, and brushed his fingertips against one of the plants in the window, which instantly wilted and died. This proved to be the last straw for Mikan.

"Look you!" she yelled suddenly and jumped up from her desk, her hand tearing away from his like a band-aid, "we've seen the Principal already so you don't have to be here! If you need to say something say it or you can just leave!" Persona paused, slighted, and slowly walked over to her with an arm outstretched. She met him with a brandished hand of her own in return.

"Don't try that," she said boldly, everyone in the room (all three of them) knew that the one person Persona _couldn't_ intimidate was Mikan – because she could _stop _him if she wanted to, "or I'll use it."

Natsume stewed in his seat, wondering why he'd allowed himself to be cowed by that man and let Mikan stick her neck out instead – at least, he reasoned, it made them even after the meeting with the Principal.

"So fierce, Mikan-chan." Persona tutted, "it will bring you down one day." Natsume felt Mikan shiver, even though she had let go of his hand, and forcefully summoned his courage.

"Not if I can help it." He stood up and spat at Persona, mirroring her stance leaning over the desk and staring straight into that man's masked eyes.

"My, my, feeling brave, Natsume?" Persona lifted a hand and Natsume shook and backed away, but then the next second that thin but threatening wrist was slammed to the table on the end of a metal ruler, courtesy of Mikan.

"Enough!" she yelled, "stop your dirty tricks and get to the point!" a sinister smirk crossed Persona's face.

"Of course, Mikan-chan," he said in a scathing mockery of sympathy, then turning to Natsume said, "you have a mission."

"_We _have a mission." Mikan corrected loftily, but felt her arm being pulled back, and then Natsume pushed her down into her seat.

"No," he told her, and without looking at Persona continued, "_I _have a mission." She turned to plead with him, but he stopped her with a look and spared a brief glance at Persona, "I understand. I'll report tonight."

Persona smirked triumphantly at Mikan and crossed his arms, running his tongue behind his teeth as she tried to stare him out; he met her glare with restrained amusement and after a sufficiently unsettling pause turned his back on them to leave the classroom.

"I will be waiting, Natsume-kun," were his closing words, and as the door clicked shut Mikan felt a cold sweat break out on her forehead; looking over to Natsume saw that he had collapsed into his seat and was wheezing faintly.

"Natsume?" she gasped and grabbed his shoulder, "are you-?" He shook her hand off him and turned his back towards her, effectively shutting her out as he calmed himself and repressed the fit.

"Look, Mikan," he eventually said, though he still wouldn't face at her, "I know things have been… a bit weird for us since that night…" she slowed any interruption she had been planning on making and fell unresistingly mute as he continued, "but… well, it's just because you did _you that_." She knew very well what _that_ was: the ever-forbidden five letter s-word.

"And," he said with a heavy breath, "I want to make it clear… that," another pause, "nothing's changed, okay?" she would've pointed out that things obviously _had _changed if he had not spoken again before she had.

"I mean I know there are some funny things going on," he glanced over his shoulder and noticed confused classmates wandering drowsily into the room, "but, they are just… _side-effects_. They'll probably go away."

She wondered if that really would be the case, as it wasn't something she felt like she could place her confidence in.

"What I'm trying to say is, even though stuff is a bit odd now, '_we' _aren't any different from what 'we' were before." He finished guiltily, and Mikan tried to cover up the fact that she'd been hurt by his words in making Ruka coming into the classroom a standing occasion.

"Ruka-Pyon!" she said and jumped to her feet, "good morning! Did we have any homewo-_urk_!" the last of these syllables was made by Natsume yanking Mikan back by her jumper as she tried to flee their desk, and he dragged her close with a sense of concealed urgency.

"Wait up!" he hissed, and for a golden moment she thought he was going to apologize, "I still need to tell you something, skip next lesson and meet me-" twisting and writhing away from him Mikan stumbled out from behind the desk and into the aisle of the classroom.

"No, Natsume!" she spat, still hurt and it was now even worse than before, "you can't have it both ways, you know? 'Nothing's changed'? _Okay_, then I won't be skipping any lessons for you or agreeing to meet you anywhere. Ruka," she changed the direction of her speech in a heartbeat, "I saved you a seat. I'll be sitting over _here _today." She stomped across the classroom with the intention of sitting as far away from Natsume as she could, but half way across the room she appeared to trip or slip on something and went flying backwards headfirst.

As she sat up and rubbed the bump growing on the back of her head she was sure she heard a certain person mutter the word 'clumsy' behind his hand, and hissed through the back of her teeth as she pressed her hand heavily over the sharply throbbing bruise.

* * *

"…Natsume?" Ruka questioned a little later, in the middle of their first lesson of the day, "has anything-… I mean, do you think there's been something wrong with Mikan recently?" Natsume snorted into his comic book and shrugged ambiguously.

"She's in a bad mood today." He said and refused to let himself look across the room to the girl in question sleeping over her desk, "I dunno what else you mean."

"Well… sort of…" Ruka murmured, "she seems a little…" Natsume _did _know, in fact he knew better than anyone else, however he didn't intend to let Ruka in on it: the less people realized that there was something funny going on the better.

"She's fine." He cut in, "nothing can trouble that small brain of hers for long." He half wished then that he could use those words on himself; this situation with Mikan had just taken a sour turn, Persona was back on his heels and he was feeling increasingly woozy from the lack of sleep.

He had that mission tonight as well, and bluntly decided that being well rested was more important than 15th century agriculture and simply stood up and walked out of the lesson.

"Hyuga-kun!" the teacher tried to stop him, but he walked straight past her with no more than a few restrained words.

"Persona will vouch for me." He muttered, and carried on straight through the door while the rest of the class started to whisper.

However, sleeping in daytime was never something he did with much ease anyway, and he was thinking in overdrive and couldn't turn his mind off either, so instead of going back to his room and lying in agony for several sleepless hours he went to the medical bay and cashed in a dodgy prescription for some sleeping pills.

Perhaps _then_ he'd be able to get a good night's sleep, he thought as he trudged back to his dorm with what felt like a lead weight in his stomach and a bottle of pills in his hand. The label read _'children – half a tablet, adults and over 16s – one or two' _so he took two and didn't take any painkillers like he would usually: he wasn't a _total_ idiot and knew what mixing prescriptions could do.

It wasn't like he was _planning_ on dying any time soon. Not from that at least.

And that's what the pills and drugs were _for_: they let him live in the most normal and comfortable way… in the short-term. Sure they'd probably kill him later in life, but first he had to live to 'later life', so he'd deal with that hurdle when and _if_ it ever came.

* * *

It just gets worse and worse for poor Natsume, huh?

Thanks for reading and leave a review.


	5. Boats and the Birds

It's been a while, but I finally managed to shut the lid on this chapter - it's a little longer than usual and I still didn't get in all the things I wanted to fit in, but that'll all go in next chapter now.

Thank you everyone for your paitence and readership :)

* * *

"...Mikan-chan," A female student said quietly, as she lightly nudged the sleeping girl beside her, "Mikan-chan, you shouldn't sleep in…"

"Hyuga-Kun!" the teacher yelled as Natsume walked out of class, and though as the girl looked up at him she nudged Mikan again, she still didn't stir.

_(Natsume said something under his breath to the teacher, and it seemed to keep the teacher from making any further protests, much to the envy of other students.)_

"Mikan-chan," the girl whispered again, as the click-slam of the classroom door closing behind Natsume finally seemed to wrench her awake. She gasped and choked; covering her mouth with her hand as she coughed up something she'd accidentally inhaled.

"Ohugohn-aa-tsu-eh!" she hacked, then, clearing her throat expressed a little more coherently, "ehh _ehh_. I mean, ah, what's going on?"

"Natsume-kun just walked out of lessons," the girl answered in a hushed tone, "but… I don't know why…"

"He did?" She sounded concerned, and with good reasoning; but before she could move or act she remembered what Natsume had said to her only that morning _– so fine_, she thought to herself, he could do whatever he wanted to, because she wouldn't follow him even if she was _tied_ to him.

"Mikan-chan," a new question alighted, "have you… been…crying?" slapping her hands to her face guiltily Mikan, sure enough, felt tears under her fingertips.

"Oh it's nothing," she rushed as she scrubbed her face, "my eyes are just a bit sore..." a glance at her classmate to check who she was, "Momoko-chan… it's nothing to worry about." Her classmate didn't look convinced, but because Mikan-chan would say no more about it she didn't pursue the subject any longer.

So, it was in a sleep-deprived and rather fustrated state, as even if she stopped herself going to check on Natsume that didn't mean Mikan wouldn't worry just a _little bit_ about him; that she wasted away the rest of the school day. Her only comfort was at lunch break, when Ruka appeared by her side like a guardian spirit.

"Mikan-chan," he said softly and placed his hand lightly above her elbow as he stepped close to her with his golden aura, "are you all right?" he stared at her with such intensity her tongue turned into a lump in her mouth trying to even think of lying to him.

"I'm…" she stumbled, "well…" his hand moved a little lower and he squeezed his fingers around her arm, "don't mind me, Ruka," she rushed guiltily, "I'm… more worried about Natsume." However, Ruka wouldn't let up, or let go.

"No, Mikan," he said calmly, "I am worried about _you_. Were you crying again?" _– had he been looking? _She wondered.

"Don't worry about that," she mumbled, "it's just because my eyes are sore from not sleeping much. I'm just… a bit tired…" she tried not to slouch as she spoke but found herself slipping, and it was no more than a second after this than she felt a weight press against her body and arms around her sides.

"Mikan," Ruka said softly as he hugged her, "you need to get better. Don't try to come in to lessons if you're not well," she was too washed out to do _anything _by this point, and simply let her head fall onto his shoulder as Ruka's body warmed hers.

"I'm tired, Ruka," she whispered, "I can't sleep, and when I do I have bad dreams_…( except for-)"_ but she didn't say any more, as like Natsume, she didn't want Ruka to know about how they'd fallen asleep like that and woken up all… '_cuddly'. _Not only was it unnatural – but it would upset Ruka if he knew about it.

"I'll walk you back to your room," he told her, "you can get some sleep there. I'll tell-" he stopped in confusion when she pushed away and stifled a cry at his words.

"No, Ruka," she whimpered, almost sickened by the thought of going back to her room and staying there, inescapably alone and sleepless like every other night she'd spent there since coming back from hospital, "I don't want to." He looked confused, and gently took her hand in his.

"But… why?"

"I…" she didn't really know what to say, or _could _say, anymore, "I… there's… not much longer until the end of school… I-I don't want to skip class like Natsume did." Ruka tilted his head and looked at her, seeming like he both understood, and _didn't _understand, and let go of her hand.

"Okay." He relented, "but straight after school, okay?"

"Yes," she nodded and shuffled towards the door, trying to escape a cold breeze that she felt too washed out to resist any longer, "I promise."

However, although when Mikan made that promise she _had _been fully intending on following it through, she didn't account for the catch-up work she had to do, and after class, thinking that it was as good an excuse as any to stay away from her dorm remained behind for over two hours getting it all done – unlike Natsume she wasn't a genius and had to _work _to get by in school: a week out was almost a whole grade's worth of knowledge for someone like her.

She then frittered away another forty minutes dawdling and visiting other classmates to pick up notes, and didn't get back to her room until it was almost time for dinner, but as she was feeling quite queasy and not at all hungry, she skipped it and went straight to bed, hoping that at last she could get some sleep out of sheer exhaustion.

But she had no such luck, and about an hour or two after dinner she began to feel a little peculiar, and was beginning to sweat when she rolled onto her side and felt a sharp pain on her back, grabbing for it and crying out in pain she rolled on her back again, thinking that she might've trapped a nerve. But that didn't appear to be it as another heavy pressure, twisting a deep finger of pain into her muscle, struck her leg next.

She chocked and pressed a hand over the spot, assuming from the shock that something must've fallen off the ceiling and hit her, but as another sharp shock flew into her side she opened her eyes and looked above her and saw no gaps of plaster or missing light fittings, then another pain hit her stomach, then her ear, and then her neck. Trying to scream but finding herself incapable of it Mikan shook in her bed as her body throbbed and she eventually curled up in invisible agony.

"Wh-h-ats h-h-happen-ning to m-me?" she stammered hoarsely, twisting and writhing in her sheets as the sudden more intense pain gradually (and thankfully) faded, reducing to a rougher ache where the feelings had hit strongest. She couldn't think of what it could've _been_, but realized that she must be a lot sicker than she'd thought, and planned to go to the infirmary first thing tomorrow.

One or two tears squeezed out of the corners of her eyes as she recovered, and her breath came in short puffs; she was exhausted, outside and in, and still for the life of her she couldn't work out _what _was going on.

It was then she realized that there was only _one _person in this entire school who just _might_, and though a huge desperation-driven effort, she managed to get out of her bed.

* * *

The light of the day had long since died in Natsume's room when a tapping started at his window, but it failed to wake him from his drug-induced slumber. The tapping progressed to knocking, and rattling as clods of earth flew up against the pane of glass, and then after a pause long enough to allow for movement, a loud solid thumping hit up against his door.

It took several full minutes of the banging to drag Natsume out of his dreamless state of unconsciousness (rather than sleep) and even then he felt like his entire body had been slowed down. He moved slowly and clumsily, falling against the door as he reached it and banging his head against the wood, which didn't hurt, for some reason; maybe just because his entire body seemed to ache anyway, and his head pounded from the rush of standing.

"Who-is-it?" he mumbled groggily, and screwed his eyes up in confusion when he heard something that sounded like a girl gasping on the other side.

"Hello?" he mumbled as he pulled his door open a little, then opened it fully as he recognised the girl before him.

"What are you doing here?" was all he had time to say before she reached him, arms outstretched.

* * *

Ruka couldn't see or find Mikan after the final bell went, and thinking she might've gone back to her room without him did what he _thought_ was following her and persuaded the dormbots to let him in to visit 'a sick friend'. However, arriving outside her room he found it unlocked and empty, with no sign of having even been disturbed since the morning.

"…Mikan?" he said under his breath, looking round the room several times as if that might make her appear in it. He waited in there for an hour, an hour that she actually spent in the library doing her catch-up work, and then he left, worried sick that something had happened to her on the way.

Perhaps she'd gone to apologise to Natsume, he thought, but when he went to his best friend's room and knocked for a minute or so on the locked door, no one answered and he couldn't hear any sounds inside either.

_(His mistake this time was not realizing exactly how far the sleeping pills had put Natsume under: he couldn't hear his own mind, let alone anything else in the real world.)_

Lost for what to do, Ruka wandered around the school grounds until he found himself at the running track, where Fujikawa Reira was doing laps.

"Oh! Ruka-kun!" she called over when she spotted him, and sped up to finish her exercise next to him, "have you seen-?"

"No." he interrupted, "I can't find him, and I've been looking all over." By this point he'd already assumed that Mikan and Natsume would be together, so find one and they'd find the other; at his portrayal to Reira of Natsume being the lost one and one he was looking for, a matching shade of concern and determination crossed her face.

"What do you mean, 'can't find'?" she demanded, "You're his best friend, aren't you? Where would he have gone? Did you check his room?" her voice became a slight tone higher with every new question.

"Of course I did!" He snapped in uncharacteristic irritation, as truth be said he wasn't really _that_ fond of Reira. He didn't like the way she acted like she was the _only _one who cared about Natsume, or was the first person to worry about the things she did. He'd known Natsume longer than anyone else had, and she still acted like he was less important than she was – a mistake many of Natsume's 'girls' had made, but almost always to their own downfall.

_(She had been the longest lasting exception yet.)_

"I mean," he backed down as a spiteful glare flew his way, admittedly Reira was made of tougher stuff than the average Hyuga fangirl, and he didn't especially want to anger her now when he needed her help, "I knocked on the door for a long time, but there was no answer, so he must have gone out." Ten seconds or so expired in the calculating mind of Reira Fujikawa before she responded.

"…Then what are we waiting for?!" she suddenly cried, "I'll help you look, Ruka-kun! He can't have gone far in _that _state." Ruka knew he should've felt grateful for the help, but he also felt a twitch of irritation in the corner of his eye; if she thought how Natsume was recently to be '_that _state' then she really knew _nothing _about him at all_._

He started to wonder, almost resentfully, what she and Natsume actually _did _when they were together, and then glancing sideways at the noticable curves of her body bouncing underneath her sports shirt as she ran, realized what a _stupid, stupid_ question that was.

Now in spite of Reira always considering herself a relatively calm and grounded girl, she had a slight habit of getting so caught up in herself that when she finally looked around she was miles and miles up in the air, more often than not with only the ground to fall to. It was partially down to her Alice, as when she begame engrossed in something she wouldn't look up until she had finished it, and in the real world that tended to bring her mixed results.

However, this habit was specially enhanced by the effect Natsume had on her, and it was by this process that she came to be in such an awful state two or three hours after she'd set out to find him, when she arrived outside the boys dorms exhausted and alone.

"Natsume-kun…" she panted as she leant heavily against the wall of his dorm, "where did you go?" It was only when she looked up above her and found Natsume's window that she realized something Ruka hadn't: his light was on, so – _he'd come back_! She quickly started grabbing stones and sticks from the ground around her to throw up at the window.

Perhaps... he would see her out his window, and instantly realize how beautiful she was by starlight (even though the skies were overcast that night) then just _have_ to climb out and down a convenient trellis to catch her in his arms and kiss her in the cool embrace of night and nature ...?

Or perhaps not, she thought again, when hurling sizeable clods of carefully kept turf _still_ didn't bring Natsume to his window. However she wasn't going to give up that easily – if he wasn't going to come to her, she would go to him.

After a brilliantly executed plan that drew away the dormbots and let her slip inside the boys dorm unnoticed, and a bit of careful trap laying gave her enough time to get upstairs before the watch returned, Reira brought herself to Natsume's door, and trying the handle and finding it to be locked, as Ruka had said, started up a loud and obnoxious knock.

"Natsume," she said loudly when there was no response, even though there was light shining from underneath the door _proving _to her he was in there, "why are you doing this? What did I do?" Even when her knuckles started to sting she carried on, but each knock felt like a rejection to her, and it was that horrible sensation that unwillingly brought tears to the corners of her eyes.

After a few minutes had passed she heard some muffled sounds on the other side of the door, and knocked even louder in the hope that she could wear him down and fall, sobbing, into his arms. Then a dull thudding sound directly against the door startled her, and thinking that Natsume had hit the door to try and make her go away brought up a sob in Reira's throat.

"Whoosseeit…" a hoarse and heavily slurred voice said from inside the room, followed by a choked 'hello' as the door was ripped open from the inside and Reira was confronted by a slow-witted teenager who definitely didn't look like he wanted to be woken up.

But, the moment he recognised her, his eyes began to clear.

"What are y-y-ou doing here?" he said haggardly, before a soft, feminine embrace overtook him.

Unfortunately, Natsume wasn't in the sort of condition to keep his own balance, let alone that of another person's. This was how they both ended up plummeting to the floor, and while Reira thought it was quite romantic to be cushioned by her love, he found it much more awkward… not to mention painful.

"Ooowwuurg," he groaned as his mind cleared with the shock of pain his body sent his brain, "Reira?"

"Natsume!" she cried gleefully, and then quickly pressed her lips to his. In the meanwhile Natsume thought to himself that if he had woken up like _this,_ instead of with the loud knocking and being tackled and the whole process of falling, everything would've been much _nicer_ overall.

As it was here he was, so he spent the rest of his waking-up process sleepily kissing her: after all, she _was_ nice and warm… although she smelt a bit sweaty, rather than flowery and perfumed like she usually did.

"Uhm, Reira," he said softy as his head rolled away to one side and she failed to keep her mouth in contact with his, in spite of her best efforts, "…did I ask you here for something?" Breathing in deeply and taking in the unique smell that was only Natsume's, mixed in with the sour odour of sleep, she got up and brushed herself down.

"No Natsume, you didn't ask me, I came to find you! You've been away all afternoon, I looked_ everywhere _for you!" she was intending to whirl around to look him straight in the eye at this line, but found it much harder seeing as he was still lying flat on his back on the floor.

"Natsume?" she questioned suspiciously," are you going to get up?" he took in these words and managed to stagger to his feet, putting his head in his hands and shaking it as he tried to clear his mind.

"I…I…I…" he babbled as something urgent pressed forwards in his mind, "All afternoon? What… time is it now?" Caught off guard by his constant avoidance of the _real _issue, Reira halted and glanced at one of the watches she had made and was currently wearing.

"You," she began, "nearly missed dinner, it's almost half past six." Natsume rubbed his face and de-fogged his mind; while realizing that although the sleep he put himself into was deep and dreamless, the medication he used to bring it on now made him feel rather fuzzy and unable to become properly alert – which was bad, he recalled, it was bad for some reason… because he needed to be alert for the….

"The missh—!" he snapped loudly, swallowing the last word before he finished it; Reira knew nothing of his missions, so as he glanced at her, it wasn't that surprising that he found her to be looking confused, worried, possibly hurt, and suspicious that he might've gone stark-raving mad.

_"Damn_... look Rei, I've got to go." He rushed as his mind pored itself onto the mission that he'd just remembered he had tonight, and because of this preoccupation he didn't notice the alighting of her face when he called her by a pet name – well, _almost _a pet name.

"Well…" she mumbled awkwardly; she had only just found Natsume and now he was making excuses to get away from her. "I'd like to know where you're going, I mean, you've been out all afternoon and now you want to go out again in the evening?"

Natsume frowned as he tried to think why she might be saying he'd been 'out', he'd been _out of it _meaning asleep, but not out of this room…

"You aren't seeing someone else, are you?" she suddenly accused, but Natsume's attention was on other things and he barely took in what she said.

"Yeah, of course…" he muttered offhandedly as he usually did when he thought she was asking him one of those questions about her hair or outfit, then suddenly realized what had transpired, "no wait! I mean!" He looked up and saw the damage had already been done, as there were tears building up impetuously in Reira's eyes and she looked ready to blow.

"I didn't mean that," he said rashly, "I was just thinking about…"

_"Her_?" she interjected, "so you think of her when you're with me now too!?"

"No!" He retorted, dangerously close to yelling – _it was the same with all girls_, they got so worked up and jealous over _nothing, _"I just... have to go out. Alone." He didn't want an argument; he really didn't want an argument. An argument with Mikan was bad enough for one day, without falling out with his maybe-one-day girlfriend as well.

Her lower lip was still wobbling, and she held out with a certain amount of stubborness, so with a slight roll of his eyes Natsume did what he _knew_ she wanted him to do, and grabbed her by the shoulders and kissed her. One of the lesser characteristics of Reira was that she was a hopeless romantic, which sometimes made her mind-numbingly predictable to anyone as smart as Natsume.

"I am not seeing anyone else," he said in what he hoped was a calm and not at all patronizing voice, "I just have to do something. Go back to your room and you can come and see me first thing in the morning, okay?" pacified, she replied docilely.

"Of course I will, Natsume." She went in to give him another 'sweet kiss', but only hit air as no sooner than she had finished he'd taken off and was running around the room grabbing the most unusual things from odd places. A torch, gloves, black running shoes, rope… all sorts of strange things, which he shoved into his already rubbish-packed bag and dashed out the door with, almost spinning her in circles with the sudden burst of haste.

"Wait... I'll wait for you!" she cried after him in a dramatic and hopefully romantic way, and it actually stopped Natsume in his tracks and caused him to walk back to the doorway of his room. But, it was not for love or passion that he did this, not in the slightest; he'd just lost his patience with her.

"Don't." he said slowly, "Just go, _now_." He became even colder when she didn't move, and his eyes appeared to darken as he fixed them on her, "You are being a nuisance." He hissed, then turned his back on her and walked off, leaving her there, crushed.

– _She asked for that,_ he simmered as he ran hatefully across the grounds to Persona's study – _she has only herself to blame._

"…What did I do?" Reira whispered quietly to herself, and warm tears began to run silently down her cheeks; it wasn't as if he'd hit her or said anything really awful, but at that moment, when he said that, Natsume's eyes had looked like he really _hated_ her, and that felt worst of all.

* * *

After the little episode with Reira Natsume tried to make good time and not be late to report in, but even in the cold night air he still felt sluggish – the sleeping pill's parting gift to him, and he almost got lost trying to find the staircase that led down under the school to Persona's personal HQ.

"_Late_." The voice scraped like a door across the floor as he finally burst into the room, "what could've possibly held up Natsume-kun for so long?" Persona's voice was as sickly and deadly as always, and Natsume tried to stop himself shivering as that man paused awhile to wait for an answer from him, receiving none, he then told him what dog's job he had for Natsume to run that night.

Thakfully it wasn't too bad in the end; just preventing some classified files from passing from one party to another, so Natsume managed to get it over with quickly, and without any murder or screw-ups.

_(The best kind of missions.)_

However, his reactions were still a little slow and he got caught just outside the Academy by a couple of would-be muggers or more likely abductors, who when Natsume started to fight them back managed to get in a couple of lucky hits on him in a shortlived brawl, before he scared them off with his Alice. It was nothing fatal, but enough to ache a little and to piss him off a lot.

It was just his luck, he cursed as he pulled up his collar and hurried back safe-side of the Academy walls: he managed to pull off a mission running at half-speed without so much as a scratch, but he got beaten up by some stupid punks on the way back.

"Son of a bitch…" he muttered as he dragged some of Nonoko's painkillers out of his bag and tentatively nursed his wounds. He didn't bother to check in with Persona out of spite and trudged back to his room feeling worse than he'd felt all week, which was definitely saying something.

He collapsed just inside his door and fell back against the wall, and then slowly turning pressed his forehead against the brickwork as he groaned out of tiredness, bruising, anger and being sick of everything all at once. He wanted the floor to just open up and swallow him up for a while, then spit him back out when he felt human again.

Instead it squeaked at him, and he jerked his head towards the sound, confused.

"What…?" he muttered under his breath, not wanting to admit to himself that he might be trying to communicate with the floor, and it suddenly shrieked at him again.

"I… I think I'm going crazy…" he said worriedly, trying to decide if it was worse to be talking to himself or the floor, and rubbed a hand against the lower half of his face.

"…" he heard another sound; not from the floor this time but from outside, a soft, breathing-sort-of sound.

"Uh…" he reached for the door handle and stretched his fingers against it, trying to twist it without having to move from his seat, "… is someone out there?" Just as he managed to flick the door off the catch the mysterious floor-squeaker and breather made themselves known.

"N-Natsume?" a girl whispered, and as the door swung open and he spotted a pair of dirty-soled feet and the bottom of a highly unsexy nightdress; he frowned and stared at her feet and lower legs intensely.

"Are... you alright?" she asked shyly and then crouched down beside him and looked into his eyes with her own dark-circled ones.

"Why did you come here…" he breathed, "…Mikan?" he named her, as it _had_ to be Mikan. It looked like her, sounded like her, tied its hair up in pigtails to sleep like her...

But Mikan was mad at him, he recalled, and not once had she ever forgiven him and been nice saying things like 'are you alright?' without an apology, and almost never within the same day as the quarrel… Mikan also never came to his room, never late at night like this, or even during the day.

"I…" she started and then broke off as she looked away from him, fingering a spot on one of her legs as if she were massaging it for cramp, then took a quick breath and looked back at him.

"I want to know what's happening to me, Natsume." She said slowly and clearly, then after pausing for a moment like she was thinking raised her hand and pulled back one of her braids and twisted her head to the side, revealing a pinkish mark just behind her ear. Then she moved the same hand down a little and pulled the collar of her nightdress down to show another of the marks at the base of her neck.

"Why can't I sleep? And what are these?" she continued and suddenly pulled up the bottom of her nightdress to uncover yet another mark on her leg – where she had been touching just before. There was a delayed reaction of Natsume's surprise and awkwardness about suddenly being flashed a large portion Mikan's leg, when he had a brainwave of a realization.

He moved to sit normally, and twisted his head to the side and ran his fingers over his neck, feeling for the places he'd been hit; he hit the sore spots with a hiss, and craning around to look at her exposed two bruises: behind his ear and at the base of his neck.

"Is it the same, Mikan?" he questioned, and trembled a little as he felt her breath on his skin when she leant in to look closely.

"…" another breath tore across his neck and he held a breath of his own should he make any kind of odd sounds, though luckily when he thought he couldn't handle any more she said, "…they are."

Backing away and hunching over as he tried to remember where else he'd been hit, he resurfaced the night's events and pressed a palm over his side, "one here, too?" he questioned, and she nodded fearfully.

"What… what does that mean?" she whispered, and blinked heavily as spots jumped around in front of her eyes, "...I'm so tired, Natsume." She mumbled, "I feel terrible… do you…?" she sighed heavily and rolled off her knees onto the floor, "...remember when we slept on that bed over there?"

He nodded slowly and concentrated on breathing, trying not to let himself be seduced by the memories of how _nice _it felt sleeping on that bed with her last time.

"That was... the only time I properly fell asleep." As she said this she started moving with slow and pained motions, trying to stand and eventually making it dizzily to her feet, then stepping towards the bed.

"Maybe I can only sleep there now…" she droned and stumbled towards Natsume's bed, and he very nearly laughed at her silly logic. With the same awkwardness and exertion he stood up, and followed her across the room to the bed, where she had already collapsed – but not as she had hoped, fallen straight to sleep.

"I don't think it's that bed, Mikan," he sighed as he sat down next to her and poked her in the middle of her forehead with his index finger, at which a slight tingling sensation ran up to his knuckle and her eyelids started to droop.

"I think…" he continued as her lids slid past the half way mark and he traced his finger across her hairline to brush over the phantom bruise behind one of her ears, "…it's me."

But by that point, she was already asleep.

* * *

So sort of a cliffhanger sort of not, right?

If Mikan in particular seems 'ooc' this chapter it's because I don't think anyone can be quite themselves when they are going through what I'm putting her through, eh? So it's deliberate, and what I like to think of as within the bounds of the character as they all show different emotions based on their situations and react in different ways :)

She's also a bit older, so a little more mature as well (the same goes for Natsume and Ruka).

I'm thrilled to have as many reviews for this as I have now, but just one from you, the individual reader reading this right now, makes a whole lot of difference to me.


	6. When it Rains

Aha! I got a whole chapter done on holiday, aren't I proud?

Thankyou to every single person who reads and reviews this, your support means a lot to me.

* * *

Natsume Hyuga had just fitted together the first two pieces of the puzzle that his and Mikan's lives had been shattered into, and she'd _slept_ through it.

"Mikan?" he said and tapped his fingertip against her head, then flicked her ear curiously, "Mikan?" she was out cold, and an unexpected smile surfaced on his face for a brief moment.

"Idiot," he whispered and felt a sweet natural drowsiness settle on himself, and moving to lie beside her on the bed he allowed himself one indulgence and slipped the tail of one of her braids between his fingers, rubbing the soft hair between his fingertips as he plummeted head-first into the sleep he could only get beside her.

Both of them would much later admit to that night being one of the single best nights of their entire lives, and taking into account Natsume _wasn't_ a virgin that was a fairly bold claim.

But their grounds in this was obvious; the stark contrast of their health, both mentally and physically, was so dramatically changed from before to after that night that it was almost a work of magic.

That theme of magic extended into their slumber, as their dreams had been numerous and magnificently colourful: too numerous to mention and too colourful to put into words, but at the same time they hadn't been wild enough to wrench their dreamers from slumber. It seemed as though nothing would wake them up, not even becoming tangled up in one another.

Eventually it was Natsume who woke up first, with a smile on his face, which was nestled comfortably against Mikan's neck as his arms circled her stomach. He woke slowly, noticing first the warm light filling the room, then the soft warmth of Mikan next to him; he smiled again, and let out a sleepy breath as he turned his head very slightly and his nose brushed across the back of her neck.

"Natsume?" she responded quietly, not opening her eyes but noticeably awake, "you awake?"

"Mhm," he murmured back, shifting one of his arms slightly and tightening it around her waist.

"Ahhhooo," she stretched and he could feel her body straining against his, "that was a nice sleep," she said.

"Mhm," he answered and pulled her back to lying right against him – _spooning _was the most appropriate term he realized, but decided that it simply _couldn't _be what they were doing now as 'spooning' was supposed to be romantic, if not sexual. This wasn't, it simply _wasn't._

"I should get up, though," she told him, "I'm not supposed to be here." She moved as if to act on her words, but another squeeze of his arms against her midriff kept her in place.

"Stay," he formed his first hoarse word of the day, "not yet." Natsume was unashamed to admit that he was a slow waker and he thoroughly enjoyed lie-ins; he had also managed to reach a position where he was so completely and wholly comfortable in every way possible, he just didn't _want _to move.

"No, I should," she pleaded and began to squirm, "someone might come in… I mean, what would happen if Ruka or Reira-senpai saw us now?" Natsume scowled a little and pressed his face into the pillow – _she was right_, he knew she was right, but he simply didn't want to let go: he was _too _comfortable.

"Urrrg," he finally groaned and let his arms go limp, allowing Mikan to pull away and sit up, "whatever…" he sulked and rolled over, which only made Mikan sigh and grin.

"You are so grumpy in the mornings, Natsume," she teased as she sung her legs off the edge of the bed, and then quietened down as it dawned on her that pretending they didn't know what was going on wouldn't make it go away.

"Uh, Natsume…" she suddenly started; quiet and nervous, "about… _you know…_" Natsume frowned even more and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Yeah," he said begrudgingly, "I know." She turned her head over her shoulder to look at him, but doing this she caught sight of the door of his room, which was, much to her surprise, wide open.

_(Neither of them had shut it last night, being too distracted with other things.)_

"Oh!" she yelped, not hearing the dainty footsteps racing down the hallway over the sound of her own voice, "Natsume, who left this ope-" her words died in her throat as sprinting into the doorway and full view was the veryworst person it could've been.

"…" for a moment she was simply too shocked to say anything, then with great exertion and the contribution of formidable anger she managed to scream (loudly, too loud for a boys dormitory at seven in the morning) "Mikan!?"

_"Shit…" _Was all Natsume had to say, hissed through the back of his teeth as he recognised the voice.

"Ah… Oh!" Mikan dithered, "…_Reira_-_senpai_…" she started hesitantly, "it's not-"

"Not what?!" none other than Reira Fujikawa spat venomously, "'not _what'_? Mikan!"

_"Shit-shit-shit" _Natsume groaned – _of all the people it had to be, why her? _It was then that he remembered he _told _her to come here first thing in the morning, only the night before.

_(Stupid stupid stupid…)_

"Not…not…not," Mikan stammered, cursing herself and her stupidity and whatever voodoo had made this mess in the first place, "what it looks like…" she knew it was a bad line, but she really didn't have any other ones available at the time.

"It looks like you spent the night with Natsume." Reira said icily, "In the same bed."

"Well…" she dithered, "it's sort of like that…"

"Sort of? What's 'sort of', Mikan?" hissed Reira, noticing Natsume still had the nerve to stay in bed and not even dignify her with getting up, "you either _did_ or you _didn't_."

"Uhhhm…" Mikan wished with every fibre of her being that Natsume would just get up and _do something _to help her.

"You told me you weren't interested in him." Reira shot next, without waiting for an answer; "you _swore _there was nothing between you, that's why you set us up!"

"There wasn't!" Mikan pleaded haphazardly, "I mean… there isn't! I mean, It's not? Uh--um, see, I set you up because I wasn't and still…still… aren't?" Natsume suddenly heard something he found slightly alarming, which both Reira _and _Mikan said as if it was nothing – 'set us up', i.e. him and Reira…. He hadn't been aware of _that _piece of information.

"Wait…" he lifted his head off the pillow and looked over to the warring female occupants of his room, "what?"

"Natsume!" Reira and Mikan screamed almost in unison, then Reira continued, "what have you got to say about this?!" He took a moment to remark to himself inwardly that Reira was practically a different person when she was mad, and to commend himself for avoiding an argument for so long – this was _not_ a characteristic he found attractive in a girl.

She was also far less attractive when she was pissed off, and that never helped anything.

"Eh," he shrugged and lay down again, "It was nice."

"Nice?!" Reira very nearly screamed, then seeming to realize the amount of noise she was making hushed her voice, "_Nice? _Natsume? What the _f—k!" _he involuntarily shuddered, and then slowly began to raise himself from the bed.

"Please, Reira-senpai…" Mikan said meekly, only to be cut off.

"Don't call me your senpai, Mikan," Reira said cruelly, "I'm not your senpai." Mikan blinked slowly and tried not to cry, but felt tears threatening the corners of her eyes; she really _liked _Reira, and it was awful to hear her so upset and angry with her.

It was with this that Natsume suddenly felt his own eyes burning, and could tell without even looking at her that Mikan was close to tears; he brought a hand up to his face and traced his fingers along the edges of his eyes curiously – _we have to talk about that, _he reminded himself.

"Reira," he addressed her by name and looked directly at her – _no time for nonsense_, "there is a reasonable explanation for this, but I need to talk to Mikan now, so later-"

"Like I'm going to swallow that shit, Natsume," Reira cut him off sharply, "you aren't going to get rid of me like that, so whatever you've got to say to Mikan you can sure as hell say in front of me."

"No," he said with an unusual measure of patience, "I can't." he took a steeling breath, "This is more important than just you, so you will have to wait."

"I've done plenty of waiting for you, Natsume." She hissed murderously, and in a heartbeat everyone there knew _exactly _what she was referring to, "and it got me nowhere. I'm through with it." He clenched his jaw and tried not to heave a sigh; things like this alwaysseemed to come around to bite him on the ass.

"Well now is the wrong time," he said stiffly, trying for all he was worth not to snap at her and make things worse than they were already, "this is important, _really _important, so please try to understand."

"F—k understanding." She replied eloquently, and Natsume felt the irritation building up just underneath his surface, "I want a proper answer, _now._" He decided it was worth one last shot of being reasonable, and then he'd just give up.

"There is something wrong with us," he said guiltily, "Mikan and me, there is something happening that we…" once again, Reira interrupted.

"I can imagine what 'happened' with you two all too well, Natsume" she taunted, "I just didn't think you'd stoop that _low_, Mikan." It was at this that Natsume finally lost his patience with her.

"Fine. Do it _your_ way then." He snapped, "We had filthy sex all night, _exactly_ like you are imagining right now, and I never want to see your rotten ugly face again, Reira. Sastified?!" just like before, these mere words hit Reira like a smack in the face. She was knocked speechless once again, and could only take a few shaky steps before she simply turned and ran away screaming 'bastard' as the tears poured down her face.

"Y-you…" Mikan muttered, stunned, "shouldn't have said that, Natsume…?" she looked at him and was surprised to see him viciously kicking his nightstand.

"Well she wouldn't _f—king well _leave it!" he spat self-loathingly and gave the nightstand another kick for good measure.

"Ow!" Mikan yelled and zipped up her foot to grab her seizing toes, "that hurts, Natsume!" He stopped dead, mid-lash and suddenly withdrawn, as Mikan gingerly put her foot down and walked, but with slight nuances of a limp, over to him.

"We need to talk about this, don't we?" she said calmly, "That's what you told Reira-senpai." She moved inconspicuously towards the bed and perched herself on the farthest corner from him, "So go on…." Natsume took a moment to gather and organize his thoughts one last time before he spewed them all out, and released a worry-laden breath.

"I meant what I said, 'wrong'," he finally articulated, "there's something really wrong with us, Mikan." She nodded faintly.

"I know," she answered regretfully, hearing the words having a much more damaging effect than she'd thought they would, as it also confirmed the fact that Natsume didn't _want _this to be happening with _her_.

"You shouldn't be able to feel it when I'm hurt." He flexed his toes and felt them tingle, then fingered one of his bruises from the night before, "and… what… is it like?" He turned to look at her and saw that she too was touching the places he'd been hit on her own body, but she no longer carried the pink welts that he'd seen the night before.

"First I thought it was a trapped nerve," she explained, "or something like that… it hurts, it properly hurts, like I'm really being hit, but there's just nothing there." They had a lot to say, but somehow they managed to be almost silent in between the forced and awkward sentences of the other.

"Oh…Well…. What about the dreams?" He forced, "you've… dreamt stuff… from my memories, I think?" she nodded again.

"Little bits," she said, "missions are always nightmares, I can't believe they really happened, or that it was really you sometimes," she seemed to remember something and leaned across the bed and suddenly pushed up the bottom of his top, paralysing him with shock and making his heart race as she popped her fingers over a white scar on his side.

"You didn't tell us that was a bullet wound, Natsume." She accused as she pressed the old scar tissue into his ribs, "you said it was something, but not a bullet wound." Even though he tried; he was unable to make words form in his mouth – he was aware of what she'd been experiencing, and realized it was very likely that she could come up with things like that, but to be prepared for it was something else entirely.

He could ask 'how did she know?' but he already knew the answer – she had seen it in a dream. Or nightmare – '_why aren't you crying?' _indeed.

"I… guess I didn't want you to worry," he shrugged, "fell on glass or burnt myself sounds better than 'I got shot'." Her hands had already left his side but his skin still tingled as if it was still in contact with her, and she heaved a sigh.

"Oh… well, you know, I dreamt of some better things, too," she added innocently, "I think they are mostly from before you came to the Academy." He suddenly felt exhausted, even though he'd only just woken up, and thought to himself that this had sure been a way to start the weekend.

"But I don't tend to dream about the nice things unless you are close," she pointed out one of her own subtle observations, "and the nightmares are worst when you are far away… that and I can't fall asleep-"

"Unless I'm there." He clipped, "it's the same for me." He guiltily remembered the only time this wasn't true, and the dull, drugged sensation the sleeping pills had given him.

"Do you dream about my memories?" she asked him curiously.

"No." he said flatly, and registered disappointment in her face, "Well… perhaps, I see much more Howalon in my dreams than before…" her disappointment quickly transformed to embarrassment – even though she tried to seem more grown-up by not obsessing over sweets as much as she used to when she was younger, she couldn't repress her subconscious, and her subconscious still _loved _Howalon.

"Eheheh…" she suddenly wanted to change the subject, "So, what is it then?" this was how she was the one to finally stop the beating about the bush and ask the real important question of their problem, "_what's happening,_ Natsume?"

"I have no idea whatsoever." He replied anti-climatically, "but I'll find out."

"It better be soon," said Mikan as she tapped her heels against the leg of his bed, "I don't think Reira-senpai will…"

"I'm done with her." He interrupted, only to be surprised by a wail of protest from Mikan.

"No, Natsume! Don't just let it end like that!" She beseeched, "She has every right to be mad, it just all turned out the wrong way and you didn't really help much…"

"I tried to explain," he retorted curtly, "I told her it was important and to wait, I even tried to explain it, but she didn't want to know, so I played into her stupid game and now I'm finished with her!" It was only Mikan who noticed just how angry Natsume sounded then, and found herself having to be the one to point out something that should've been obvious to him.

"If she's made you this angry, Natsume, then she must be different from the rest." She said quietly; still arguing Reira's case even when the girl had turned her back on her and even turned against her, "you've never been this pissed off about a girl before."

"I have." He retorted tritely, and shot her accusatory glances, but then after an awkward pause where she suggested he provide some examples and he found himself severely lacking in them, he grumpily added "…_you_." Mikan half-grinned and shrugged.

"But that's different, I'm not the same as them really." She remarked, and he couldn't find a point to disagree on – she _was _different, and didn't properly count in his string of girlfriends… and he _hadn't _ever been that angry over a 'girl' before, and he _did _care that things had gone to shit with Reira more than he felt like admitting.

"You know what I think you should do?" she volunteered 'helpfully', "I think you should call her and make up and take her out and explain this whole mess to her, she's bound to…" she stopped when a cold laugh from Natsume cut her off.

"You think I should explain it to her, Mikan?" he scoffed, "you really think she'd buy it if I said you stole my Alice last week and now you've returned it it's created some bizarre side-effects that mean we have to sleep next to each other and when one of us gets hurt the other one can feel it? You _really _think she'd believe me?" Mikan looked humbled and decided that it'd sounded much more reasonable in her head.

"Well… not _everything_, I suppose…" she said begrudgingly, half-resenting the way Natsume had made her; willing to keep secrets from people and not let them in on the real story in order to protect them. It went against so many of her principles, but she'd found over the years that sometimes it really was the best way of doing things – _stupid Natsume for being right._

"Still," she added, "I can tell you're upset about this, Natsume, I don't think it's just pain we can both feel, eh?" he clenched his teeth and resented her now strengthened ability to read his emotions.

"All I'm saying is don't let your pride hold you back from making up with her," she resettled her weight on the bed and began fiddling with one of her braids, "couples fight all the time."

"We aren't a couple." He bit, "and you're getting away from the point. Obviously this _thing _started when you stole my Alice." Mikan went slightly red and looked away, "But perhaps it's some kind of remnant my Alice left in you… that… gave you imprints of my memories?"

"That makes sense!" she said hopefully, but then her face fell, "but, that doesn't really explain the sleeping…"

"Mmn," he grunted in agreement, "but it's gotta have something to do with it. The Academy might have files on something like this somewhere."

"But we can't look at them," she pointed out, "they don't exactly go handing out files full of important information like that freely."

"I can," Natsume replied sullenly, "I can… use Persona… to get access." Mikan's face darkened as well as his own.

"Oh," she said quietly, "that's useful I guess." It was a little while before she spoke again, and the mood had just become less than favourable, "I better get going then…don't want anyone else to drop by, right?" She stood up and began to walk towards the door.

"Just one thing," she alighted at the doorway, which was still open but the hall was thankfully uninhabited, "at least think about calling Reira-senpai. You really upset her a lot." With that she turned and left, and Natsume cursed Mikan Sakura's ability to _one – _make him go from feeling great to feeling crap (and vice versa) in no time at all, and _two – _to say things in a way that made _his way _look cruel and completely irrational.

"Aargg!" he groaned after she'd left, "she always does this!"

* * *

Now although Reira was mad _at _a certain someone, she was not _actually mad_, so when her cell phone rang later that day with the caller ID Hyuga Natsume she didn't risk not answering for even a second – he would only call once, that much she knew.

"Better make this quick Hyuga, I'm busy." She snapped down the phone: just because she wasn't going to hang up on him didn't mean she couldn't be hostile.

"Fine." He snapped back with equal venom, "I'm only doing this because Mikan made me. She…" his voice softened as he remembered what he was trying to do, "she wants me to tell you I'm sorry and… that I didn't mean what I said." Part of Reira still wanted to scream at him down the phone and hang up, but the other part thought it might just have received the best shot Natsume could make at an apology, so she hung on.

"And do _you _want to?" She asked shakily, and felt every palpitation of her heart in the pause that followed.

"…Mmn," he grunted the closest form of _yes _he could manage – after all he'd spent the three hours since they'd parted ways that morning being ill tempered and feeling sorry for himself. It bugged him that he _cared _about this so much, and if saying sorry (in his way) would stop one more unpleasant feeling, then he was willing to do it. "Why not."

"Tch, Natsume," she scoffed, "that was the worst apology I've ever heard in my life."

"I can take it back, but there's not going to be another one." He said unenthusiastically, "Mi…uh, so do you want to meet somewhere to set things straight?" He realized that mentioning Mikan anymore might not be wise, and kept her name under wraps.

"Like a date?" Reira shot lightning-quick, ever eager on the uptake.

"…" it stung a little, but Natsume let himself fall into the trick and grumpily replied "fine. A date."

"Then we have to go to central town!" she said excitedly, "but I'll have to get ready… how about if we meet by the bus stop in two hours?"

"Two hours?!" he hacked; it seriously didn't take her two hours to get ready – _did it?"_

"Well I suppose I could try to make it in an hour and a half… but then we'd have to wait about for the bus, it only comes on the hour, and waiting in the wind might mess up my hair and…" as she started to babble Natsume had to think _really hard _about why he was doing this, and just about remembering then tried not to drop the phone and drag both his hands down his face.

"Then I'll drive. Does that make it easier?" He sighed, and then winced at the strange squealing sound that was being emitted from his (Academy internal only) phone.

"What! You can drive?!" she shrieked, "Do you have a car?! But you're only sixteen!" Once again he had to stop himself throwing this whole thing away and thought very intensely about breasts until he'd regained control.

"I'll explain later," he said wearily, "just be outside your dorm in an hour." He then had to endure more high-pitched sounds of protest at the mere hour he'd given her to prepare, and quickly hung up.

"If this doesn't go well, Mikan," he mumbled to himself, "It's your fault…"

* * *

Needless to say, Reira nearly passed out at the sight awaiting her an hour and fifteen minutes later; when she left her dorm building to find a bored looking Natsume leaning against the bonnet of a small two-seater car on the road outside, jangling a set of keys uninterestedly between his fingers.

The car wasn't a convertible, or a nice colour, or particularly big – it was black paint with blacked out windows and no number plates, looked almost squashed-flat in shape, and was shorter than Natsume was.

"I said an hour." He clipped harshly, scanning her up and down – just as he thought, she looked no different to when he usually saw her… still as cute after an hour as after two.

"I'm sorry, my curlers wouldn't heat up," she replied coolly, "you said you were going to explain some things." Natsume rolled his eyes upwards and tapped the keys against the bonnet of the car.

"Yeah, I did. But not here." He got up and walked around to get in the driver's side, "get in and I'll explain on the way." With a quick glance around to see if anyone was watching, Reira ran forwards and got nervously into the passenger seat of a car being driven by none other than Natsume.

Hopefully he wouldn't get them both killed in this thing, she thought worriedly as he started the engine, then thought it again with a lot more fear as he tore down the empty roads and threw the low-riding car around corners like he _wanted _to hit something.

"Because the Academy is private land the rules for public roads don't apply," he began to explain as he jerked the steering wheel around and swerved out into the other lane to overtake a bus, "there's no real driving age, because the restriction only applies to public roads, which these aren't." He went straight through a stop sign without even taking his foot of the gas and Reira suddenly realized she wanted to be wearing a seatbelt a _lot_.

"I guess that makes sense…" she whimpered as he narrowly avoided hitting a teacher on a bicycle, "but… is this your car?"

"Nope." He answered, "Academy property also, but… I'm a special star, so I get privileges. I was taught to drive last year as part of a course."

One and a half of those three pieces of information were true, and the rest was a lie – he _did _learn to drive last year: it was the nicest semester of Dangerous-class lessons he'd had in a long time (sometimes missions were a long way away, and it was a useful resource if their students could transport themselves to remote locations). It was also partly true that the Academy owned the car, as they'd bought the car and the car was in the school's name, but it was given to Persona for use on their dog work, which also explained the colour scheme… and the leather seats.

He had been given the keys last night for the mission but didn't bother using the car in the end, deciding to walk (which was why of course he got beaten up), and now decided that he could afford using the Academy's resources for his own leisure this _one_ time, as it wasn't like they'd notice the gas was used in the morning instead of in the night.

Reira simply tried not to scream as he nearly rear-ended a delivery truck and then almost knocked down a middle-school student trying to cross, and wondered if perhaps this would be their first and _last _proper date.

* * *

I had a huge muse moment with the whole car-driving thing, and as I don't know the small print of driving laws in Japan I used part of the British system to explain being able to drive on private roads at any age.

Leave a review and you shall be richly rewarded.


	7. Crash into Me

I finally got around to finishing this thing! Thanks to everyone for their paitence :)

* * *

It was surprising that no one seemed to notice the black unmarked car that pulled up on the edge of Central town, from which two teenagers got out – one notably shaky on her feet and clutching her stomach like she was surprised it was still there. However the last thing on _her_ mind at that time was the oddity of being driven around by a minor, especially considering she'd seen him in bed with another girl only that morning. She had more important things to deal with.

However it still took her a half hour to stop beating about the bush, as her incurable nervousness around Natsume was apparently _still _incurable even when she was mad at him, and she only finally managed to force it out after they'd sat down in a small café for coffee.

"So, Hyuga." She said coolly, keeping to his family name to try and distance herself from him and stop the butterflies in her stomach cutting her off, "Where's that 'reasonable explanation' you promised me?" thankfully, Natsume had worked out what he was going to say to her already, so the subsequent lie came to him as easily, if not easi_er_ than the truth.

"First of all, nothing 'happened' last night with Mikan if you get my drift," he said calmly, and in spite of a few suspicious looks Reira remained quiet, "and it's like this… since we got out of hospital, we've both had bad insomnia." Her silence was further held by the realization that Natsume and Mikan _had _been in hospital only days ago, and could even still be sick… even if they weren't acting like it.

"…So?" she finally clipped, sounding bored and unenthusiastic but actually masking _some _concern.

"So," Natsume repeated slowly, "on my way back to my room last night, I saw Mikan. It was late, and neither of us had slept much for the past few days, but she was wandering around the school in her pyjamas barefoot in the dark," he looked straight at her, challenging her to tell him he'd done something wrong – the lie was told convincingly enough that Reira didn't doubt for a second that Mikan hadbeen wandering around the school in a nightdress: hell, if he'd told her Mikan was _naked _she would've still believed him - Natsume was a _good _liar, "she was in a bad state; I'm her friend, can you really blame me for trying to keep her safe?"

"She could've gone back to _her _room," Reira commented offhandedly, "or didn't you think of that?"

"Of course I did." He said bluntly, raw and unclouded by the usual condescension he offered her, or indeed any of his girlfriends in the past, "She wouldn't go." It was here that Reira began twisting the way she heard Natsume's story.

"Oh, I see." Was all she had to say.

"She… no, _we, _were afraid of trying to sleep alone, because we knew we wouldn't be able to," Natsume began to tread delicate grounds, but tried to keep things sounding as innocent as he could, "it's hard to understand… but, it was easier to fall asleep with the someone there, for both of us… and… as long as we could sleep, the rest of it didn't matter."

"'Didn't matter', so _I _didn't matter so long as you could get a good night's sleeping with her?" accused Reira.

"That's what I thought," he replied quietly, "but… I was wrong… I guess…" a slight grin surfaced on her face.

"So you _did _care?" she proposed flirtatiously, "but because you were worried about Mikan, you gave in to her and let her sleep in your bed when she asked? But because there's only one, you had to share, and she wouldn't go back to her room, so you had no other choice?" Reira's inner-mind scenario was suddenly shaping up in a very amiable way to her, and she eagerly awaited Natsume's confirmation.

"Uh," he faltered, "sort… of…" as long as he hadn't screamed 'no that's not it at all!' (which part of him wanted to do), then what _he_ said and what _she_ heard were very different things.

"If you'd wanted some company, Natsume," she suddenly purred, "then you should've come to me," she shifted around the table and leaned into him, "I'm sure you'd sleep much better if I was by your side." It wasn't even a question; she was being _that_ forward: forward enough to put a hand just above his knee as she leant over.

"Uhh…" Natsume's Adam's Apple jerked around in his throat as he swallowed and began to lose the part of himself that wasn't linked to his hormones, "…I'm… sure I would," he breathed and placed one of his hands on top of hers, "it's quality, not quantity that counts, right?" and before she could even consider answering, which she hadn't anyway, he'd kissed her: fully on the lips and jumping at every opportunity to part them and brush his tongue across hers.

When they finally broke apart, Reira was somehow in Natsume's lap, and he somehow had one of his hands half way up her shirt.

"Is this what they call makeup making out?" He joked, and she giggled and wriggled provocatively.

"Though I'm sure the phrase doesn't _stop _there," she said softly into his ear as she very definitely brushed her leg over his crotch, "…that car of yours has blacked out windows, doesn't it?" It was then that Natsume divided, or in fact, more than divided, he split into numerous factions and sub-factions that all started saying things at the same time; if she was implying what she was implying then he_ didn't _have any of the necessary 'protection' for that…and if so where the hell could he get it?… what might happen to him if Persona found out what had happened in one of his cars, and how fantastic it would be to nail a girl in one of Persona's cars and have him know there was something slightly off but not be able to guess it also crossed his mind, as did how many ways they could get caught… why she was suddenly propositioning him like this, why did he care _why _she was doing it….and what was that strange sensation in the back of his throat?

"What did you brush your teeth with this morning?" he suddenly questioned as he broke away from kissing her, and received nothing but an extremely suspicious look from the girl who was now even more definitely _rubbing_ her thigh against his crotch.

"…Toothpaste…" she stuttered unromantically, trying not to kill the mood and failing, when the biggest mood killer of all appeared.

"Zzzzzzt, Zzzzzzt," Natsume's phone vibrated in his jacket pocket, which was folded over one of the unused chairs at their table.

"Oh, who could that be?" Reira huffed in irritation, and then scowled as Natsume pushed her off his lap to lean over and get the cell out of his pocket – _he'd _learnt always to answer his phone because he only got one so Persona could contact him without having to chase him around the grounds.

Though Reira only became irate when she peeked at the caller ID and saw it was Mikan.

"You _don't _need to speak to her, do you?" she prompted and put her hand over his wrist to stop him answering it, "you already 'talked' to Sakura-chan today, what could she want now?" Natsume noticed Reira had even stopped calling Mikan by her given name, and decided that he could call always her back _after_ he'd had sex; now it was simply easier to hang up and let Reira think she'd won.

"Fine," he said and sent a busy tone to Mikan, then turning his settings onto silent he slid his arm around her as he dropped it back on the table, "now what was that about going back to the car?" He reached across and tapped his fingers against her inner leg provocatively; as he had suddenly realized he really, _really _wanted to get his rocks off. As in, _as soon as possible_ and just about anyone could be considered because it didn't matter _who_ it was, he just _needed it._

But much to his disappointment, Reira squirmed away from him and smiled girlishly.

"Well now's a bit soon, don't you think Natsume?" she said vaguely, but didn't hear him muttering 'no' darkly, "I mean our date's barely even started, we can't think about leaving now…" suddenly confronted with a much moodier sixteen year-old, Reira panicked and quickly launched into an one-sided conversation about one of the professors they were both taught by.

However, Natsume seemed completely uninterested and unresponsive, going into a sullen mood that close friends knew all too well as 'Natsume being a little put out and making a big show about it', but Reira had never experienced this before, so had absolutely no idea how to deal with it (whereas Mikan and Ruka just ignored it).

This is why, even though she wouldn't admit it, but Natsume and Reira's 'date' was not in the best of health when forty or so minutes later a voice was heard tearing around Central town calling the name _Natsume._

The named person in question raised his head and swallowed through his tingling throat and chest as he picked up the voice in the distance.

"Do you hear that?" he asked Reira suddenly, who only responded 'hear what?' until almost five minutes later when Mikan's voice became audible to everyone _else _in the area.

"Natsume?!" She yelled as she ran around the corner and spotted him sitting outside a café with Reira leaning on his shoulder romantically (put on just as she came into sight), "Thank goodness I found you!" Mikan cried as she ran forwards, "Are you all right?" Both Natsume and Reira pulled puzzled faces, though Reira's was ripe with much more irritation whereas Natsume's was more curious.

"What? Yes… I'm fine." He answered in confusion, "Why are you asking?"

"I!" She started boldly, but then spotted Reira glaring daggers at her and hesitated, "I mean… I… had a bad feeling… and… wanted to check you were ok… then I called your phone," she glanced at the mobile phone on the table within an arms reach of Natsume, "and you didn't pick up, so I got worried…"

"I'm surprised you found him." Reira cut in swiftly, "Central town is a big place and that was barely half an hour ago. Did you follow us here?"

"What… of course not!" Mikan said hastily, "I'm sorry to bother you… I just… you're really okay, Natsume?" she asked.

"Never better." He answered, and tried quickly to make a note of all the things that he now had consider on their twisted list of 'shared dreams' and 'separation insomnia.' _One – _he could hear her voice long before he should've. _Two – _he felt strange just before she called him, and a stronger brand of that feeling when she got physically close to him. And _three – _ she found him in the whole of Central town lot in a very small space of time.

"Well, we _were_ enjoying our date," Reira said cruelly to Mikan, "perhaps you could leave Natsume alone for more than an hour so we can finish it, neh_? Sakura-san?" _Natsume's eye twisted slightly and he detected a hollow feeling in his chest that was probably a shadow of the burn Mikan felt being spoken to like that by Reira.

"Yeah, perhaps you should get out of here." He added darkly, and felt the sting deepen as she obviously misinterpreted his words; he wasn't trying to be cruel, but by telling her to leave Reira wouldn't be able to cause anymore harm to her, and if he tried to defend her then it would only make Reira angry and even more likely to lash out at Mikan. Telling her to go really was the best resolution, whether either of the girls realized it or not.

"Okay, Natsume…" Mikan quavered weakly, and then turned around and ran away as fast as she could, trying _desperately_ not to cry.

* * *

After going back to her room and having a furious all-afternoon cleaning session to stop herself bursting into tears at every opportunity, Mikan wore herself out completely and collapsed onto her bed just as everyone else was going down to dinner – once again she wasn't hungry and didn't bother going to the canteen.

"Hey, bed," she murmured into the pillows, "maybe you could let me sleep tonight, eh?" she sighed heavily and felt her heart pound in her chest; this had been such an odd day, and she couldn't tell what was what anymore… the morning had started so nicely, sleeping next to Natsume was a wonderful feeling – she'd never shared a bed with a boy before, but then Reira had turned up and things had all gotten so bad so fast… and with what happened in Central Town as well, she had the horrible feeling that Natsume wouldn't ever let the two of them share anything again.

* * *

"So…" he said huskily in her ear as he slipped a hand under the bottom of her shirt and curled a hand round her bare waist, "you wanted to go somewhere more private?" he pulled her closer to him and only an idiot (or possibly Mikan) wouldn't be able to tell what he was after.

Reira fidgeted and even shifted herself off his lap, "uhm not quite now, Natsume…" she said evasively, cursing her plan's backfire and rearranging her top with a blush on her face, "I'm sure you wouldn't expect a girl to… uh… well, so soon…" she flitted her eyes away from him and pretended to check the time on her watch.

Natsume was quiet for a moment and Reira hoped that he'd got the message, but unfortunately no such luck was running her way.

"Yuri Kinomoto," he said quietly and clearly, then glanced over to Reira, "she _did_," Reira concealed her surprise at hearing something like that about one of her own classmates, however just as she was about to say something Natsume interrupted her, "Sachiko Ueda… on our…third date," With a sickening bolt to her stomach Reira realized that Saichiko-chan was in fact a girl in the year _above _her.

"Natsume-kun, you surely can't mean…" she started timidly, but he was on a roll and unstoppable.

"Yuzu Saito, Kana Suzuki, Chihiro Omori…" horror stuck even deeper as Reira recognised names from not only Natsume's own year, but also the year _below _him, "they all…" he started to say coolly.

"That's enough." She cut him off with a vicious shake of her head; "I don't need to… uh," Natsume leant over to Reira and brushed the hair off her face with a darkly seductive air.

"I was just letting you know," he said quietly, "because you said I wouldn't expect a girl to give herself up so soon… well, they all _did._" He forced himself even closer and kissed her softly on the lips, "what's holding you back?" for a moment Reira felt herself want to give in to Natsume, because he was just angling for it so _hard_ and he was so _intense _and _attractive_; but she remembered something her mother told her when a boy first confessed to her aged twelve, and she placed both hands on Natsume's shoulders and pushed him back into his seat.

"I said no, Natsume." She told him sternly, "and that means…"

"_No_." he finished the line for her sourly, "Yeah, I get it." Crossing his arms and sulking inwardly at the failure of his most offensive attempt at seduction since Chihiro-chan, Natsume brooded over his raging hormones and wondered if any of his past lays would consider him if he gave them a call… but then remembered they all more or less hated him now.

…Which would just make things _inconvenient_, though not impossible. He looked back at Reira and realized there was something mildly attractive about her holding out on him like that, therefore decided that he could wait a little longer for the sake of a good chase.

"Natsume?" Said Reira meekly, "are you angry?" He shrugged and didn't say anything, showing Reira a cold shoulder that he normally only used on his _friends; _usually if he was out with a girl and they annoyed him he'd simply stand up and walk out… _she _didn't realize how lucky she was.

Reira put her hands in her lap and looked down at them, then taking a few deep breaths to nerve herself quietly said, "even if all those other girls have… you know…" she said bashfully, "I don't think you should pressure someone into something they aren't comfortable with, Natsume." He snorted to himself and thought about how up for it she had _seemed _not too long ago, but not that he was actually interested in going for it she couldn't be more unwilling.

"You sound like Mikan." He spat coldly, "that's the sort of thing _she _comes up with." Reira froze and grit her teeth in frustration – of all the things he could've done, comparing her to Mikan was among the worst.

"Well…" she stammered, "she… was probably told it by her mother…" this time Natsume cut her off with a loud and cruel laugh.

"I'm sure," he sniggered as he thought about Mikan's non-existent, AAO-member, _young _mother, "I'm sure that's what it was."

"Why are you laughing!" Reira snapped at him suddenly: she _hated _being laughed at, "what's so _bloody_ _funny_ Natsume?" He stopped laughing as quickly as he started, and stared in surprise at Reira for having dared yell at him, something it looked like she was surprised by as well.

But then, for the first time since he was introduced to her, he actually felt a tiny spark of something between them.

_(That was unusual.)_

Not thirty seconds later, Natsume's mobile phone flashed and vibrated once, and then as he turned away and checked the message only one simple instruction flashed up on the screen.

"The usual place, 30 minutes." The number had been withheld but he knew what _that_ meant, so standing up suddenly and picking up his jacket he told Reira he had to go and left; not offering to drive her back to her room or to give her rabbits for a bus, but walking back to 'his' car himself and driving away without looking back once.

Understandably furious when she recovered from the shock, Reira paid the bill for their drinks (with _just _enough leftover to get the bus) and stormed off into the town.

"That's _it, _Natsume," she fumed as she tore by shops and students without a second look, "that's the last straw." She counted out her change in her purse and sat down to wait at the closet bus stop as the wind blew out her hair, "I didn't really know him at all…" she muttered to herself, "if that's the real Natsume then I'm _through…_" she typed out multiple versions of an email on the bus back, but didn't send any, even though she whispered "I'll break up with him," to herself over and over again.

* * *

Natsume stood a little way into the Northern Forest and kicked a stone against a tree, but stopped after it his the bark at an odd angle and flew off into a bush; like the message had read he was here, the _'usual place' _and he was here on time. So where were _they?_

At last he heard the sound of breaking twigs and living things recoiling in horror, and slowly turned around to face Persona, who was carrying a large bag and wearing a sick grin.

"Natsume-kun, you're being so good today." He said sinisterly, and then placed the bag on the floor as he got some papers out of one of his pockets.

"A week today," he instructed, "and you can have your revenge on them." Natsume was puzzled – what could Personal mean by revenge? But then it hit him as Personal held out a photograph of some of the AAOs project coordinators.

"The AAO." He hissed, and his mind flashed all the way back to last week and he saw in perfect clarity the cold body of a young girl who had been killed in cold blood by _those_ monsters.

"Good, Natsume," Personal cooed as he saw the hate on the boy's face, "now you can avenge her." Something occurred to Natsume and he looked up at Persona quizzically.

"Just 'her'?" he asked, "weren't there two of them?" This much he didn't need flashbacks to remember, as he could recall without any difficulty the specifications of that mission. Persona tilted his head to the side and was silent for a moment.

"Oh? You didn't know?" he said in a singsong voice, and Natsume felt his skin crawl.

"What?" he bit.

"The boy was alive… just." At this Natsume's heart leapt into his throat; he'd assumed that because the girl had been dead that the AAO had killed both of them, but to hear the boy was still alive was a ray of hope.

"He was?!" he pounced, invulnerable to the terror of Persona for a brief moment, "then... what happened?"

"He was clinging on when you brought him out; the others managed to pick up a pulse, and Takahiro-kun kept him going until they reached the hospital." Suddenly it felt like a weight had been lifted from Natsume's shoulders, and although he could now see and remember the face of that poor girl in horrifying reality, knowing that he'd saved _one _life made a huge difference.

"So he's okay?" He asked, the memory of carrying that just-living form over his shoulder as he ran through the corridors of the AAOs hideout.

"He will be transferred to our medical facilities tomorrow morning," answered Persona, but seeing Natsume's exhilaration added, "though, they already held a funeral for little Aikawa-chan," Natsume's mood-lift hit the roof and tumbled back down a few pegs.

"Oh," he said quietly, "what did they do with…?"

"Her parents came for the body." He answered icily, "They were told she was abducted by extortionists." Natsume's look became much more murderous and Personal took the rest of the mission details out of his coat pocket and laid them on top of the bag he'd brought.

"There is a memorial outside the Primary school dormitory." He said as he began to step back, "If you feel any doubt about this mission, perhaps you should pay your respects and remember the blood on their hands." After this he then unfolded the set of maps he'd brought along with the mission details Natsume would need – this was a solo mission so he was going to have a lot to learn.

By the time Persona was finally finished covering the Mission details it was already dark, and as he packed up the lights and items that Natsume would not need he bade his student an eerie farewell and drifted off into the woods.

Natsume was now cold, depressed, and tired more than anything else, and after checking the messages on his phone and seeing several new ones in his inbox, he pulled out the battery and picked up his even-heavier-than-usual khaki bag; shouldering the extra burdens of the day all the way back to _a_ dormitory.

* * *

To say Mikan was asleep when the knock came at her door was more or less a fabrication, although _Mikan _may've decided that she was asleep, her brain and body begged to differ, and she responded to the knock straight away.

"Come in." she said on auto-reply, and then scolded herself for being away when she was supposed to be 'asleep.'

"I hope you don't mind…" said a voice, and Mikan forgot all pretences of sleep and bolted upright in bed.

"Natsume?!" she gasped, "but I thought…" she trailed off when he stepped in and closed and locked the door behind himself; fatigue evident on his face as he walked slowly across the room to her bed.

"Just… to sleep, okay." He said in a dull tone, "this is just so I can sleep. It doesn't mean anything." It was fortunate, looking back on it, that Natsume's meeting with Persona had been a potent desire-killer, because otherwise he might _not _have been there just for sleep… although the area around that claim was a little grey _as it was_.

Because as Mikan nodded assent and shifted over in bed so Natsume could lie down next to her, there was just a hint of comfort he was searching for that _wasn't _confined to the realms of sleep, which was why he lay with an arm above her head.

Because then, when she quickly fell asleep, Natsume was easily able to shift his hand down slightly and trace his fingertips across her fringe: he'd always found something comforting about Mikan, right from when he first got to know her… though it was more like the comfort that a child has with a blanket rather than a _romantic _form of comfort.

It was all the same to him anyway, he reasoned as a warm wave of serenity washed over him and he fell sweetly and blissfully asleep.

* * *

_He came to just as he climbed on top of her, her legs searing hot against his sides as they wrapped tightly around his waist; the smell of sweat and desire thick in the air as she exhaled slowly and drew her nails down his back, he cradled himself over her like he could never move away and crashed straight into her._

_He could hear her voice, sweet and faint as she breathed his name over and over, and each cry coincided with one more pulse of their bodies. _

_It was arousing… or at least, he was aroused – he had to be at this point. But at the same time it was… calm: they were perfectly in sync with each other; each crash wasn't a frenzied race towards the finish like he knew them to be, but a move just for itself. Nothing else._

_(And the boys dream…)_

* * *

He blinked slowly into awakening, the first light of the day seeping into the room and bathing his eyelids in the unique light of dawn. He blinked again, and remembered what he'd been dreaming about – _oh no_, he thought – _it couldn't have been…? _He looked to his side and saw, sure enough, the _same _shape of Mikan curled into his shoulder with a hand lying lightly on his chest, rising falling with his increasingly panicked breaths.

He _couldn't_ have dreamt about having sex with Mikan… could he?

* * *

Ta-da, a little bit naughty towards the end there, but I've been having a ridiculous amount of dreams like that recently so it all balances out :P

The song for the dream-sequence is Dave Matthews Band's 'Crash into Me' which some of you might notice is also the chapter title. I got sick of the lame one-worders I'd been using so far and have changed all the chapter titles into songs off my 'Arrythmia' playlist on my computer.

Thank you for reading and please leave a review on your way out.


	8. Overboard

Omg! Updated at long godforsaken last!

Now I plead to be cut some slack here, I've gone back to college now so I've got a lot more on my plate at the moment, and I had some really gnarly writer's block for a long time, but I finally beat it and finished this! (I'd had it planned for a long time, and as usual didn't even get everything I wanted in this chapter).

Anyway, enjoy yourself :D

* * *

Mikan woke up that morning to the sound of a door closing; opening her eyes as the heat that had been next to her faded and she realized that Natsume had left. It was early morning judging by the light, and she realized that he was probably being reasonable and going back to his room to make it look like he spent the night there.

_Instead of here with her_.

She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling, thinking that it was unlikely she'd fall asleep again now he'd gone, so instead she tried to made sense the dreams she'd had – something she was having to do a lot more since she forged that 'link' with Natsume; there were so many things she saw now and they all vied for attention in her mind, as if they were trying to reach out to her while _he_ ignored them.

She sighed and set her hands across her stomach, trying to preserve the feeling of where Natsume's arms had been when he held her. Not realizing that was the first step of something very _not good._

* * *

As he walked quickly back to his dorm in the cold morning air Natsume hunched his shoulders and tried to banish the blush from his face as he wallowed in the memories of his dream about… _doing that… _with Mikan. It was just a dream, he reasoned, and told himself that it obviously didn't mean anything about _her_, just about… sex… with… her… and…. He quickly got out his phone to check the messages he'd left the night before, trying shamelessly to get his mind off the whole subject altogether.

Two of the five messages turned out to be from Mikan, both asking whether he was 'all right': for some reason she seemed to think he was in trouble all the time now, and he wondered if it was perhaps because of that _thing _they were experiencing. Although he hadn't been hurt in any way at all yesterday, and she'd been chasing after him almost non-stop.

Could she be using it as an excuse to spend time with him? Like Reira had…

He shrugged and moved on, reading a message from Ruka about hanging out in the evening and a then an empty message from Reira, which he found to be a little odd. However that was explained more or less when he read the last message: also from Reira, which read _'if you can't be bothered Natsume then we might as well forget the whole thing' _and brought up a severe pang of irritation in his stomach… because she just _had _to be difficult, didn't she?

However, when he registered automatically that he hadn't any messages from Persona, it reminded him of the meeting he'd had only yesterday – the mission he'd be finishing this time next week and also the news about the children from the one a week ago. The boy, he remembered, had survived, and was coming back to the Academy today if he remembered it right.

So after he'd gone back to his room, snuck in and made all the appearances of having slept there, the first place he went on that Sunday was the medical wing.

"Oi?" he rudely asked the woman behind the desk, to which she scowled and carried on filing her nails, "has…" he paused as he recalled the name he'd memorized just over a week ago, "Nakatsu Misaki been admitted here?" A slight sign of irritation crossed the woman's face, and she bluntly replied.

"I'm sorry, patient-doctor confidentiality."

"You aren't a doctor." He replied smartly, but before he could continue giving the woman a hard time he heard a boy's voice from across the room.

"Natsume-senpai?" A young boy said, and turning around to confront the voice Natsume was met with his Kouhai, Youichi.

"You-kun?" He echoed in similar confusion, "why are you here?" he became serious for a moment when he realized the implications of his being in a hospital, "you aren't sick are you?"

"No," Youichi rushed and shook his head, "I'm fine… but… how do you know Misaki-kun? I heard you say his name."

"I…" Natsume faltered, and then put his hand lightly on Youichi's shoulder and ushered him out of earshot of the receptionist "I… well… I helped him… kind of… before." He coughed over himself, and then glanced around apprehensively as Youichi puzzled at the meaning of his words.

"I don't understand." He said quietly, and then Natsume dropped down to his level and indicated he would whisper in his ear.

"I took him back from the… uh, _them._" He said softly and embarrassedly in Youichi's ear.

"Oh… Oh!" He gasped, and then suddenly jumped forwards and wrapped his arms around Natsume's neck, hugging him tightly, "Thank you so much for rescuing him, Natsume-senpai!" He gushed, "I didn't know that was you!" this was possibly the first time Natsume had _ever _been thanked for something he'd done on a mission (not to say he hadn't done good things, just no one ever said thank you).

"Um," he tried not to look uncool and like he cared as much as he _really _did, but he ruffled Youichi's hair and smiled at him as he attempted to remove his hands from his neck, "no problem."

"Do you want to see him? I'm sure he wants to thank you as well!" Youichi slipped his grip to Natsume's hand and began to pull him down the corridor he'd just come from.

"Well…" Natsume dithered as he was edged away, and shooting one last dirty look at the woman behind the desk relented and followed Youichi into the ward.

"Misaki?" Youichi said gingerly as he stepped around one of the curtained beds he'd led Natsume to down a familiar maze of hallways, "are you awake still? Oh, well, look who's here!" He stepped back and pulled the curtain back, revealing Natsume stood in a suddenly awkward hands-in-pockets pose as a frail looking boy with an oxygen mask on looked over to him.

"You-kun?" He breathed slowly, with labour, but in spite of that Natsume was simply relieved to see that he was a _live _human child, "who's that?"

"You know what, never mind…" Natsume muttered quickly, and was about to walk away when Youichi chased him and pulled him back.

"This is Natsume-senpai!" he told his friend, "he's the one who saved you!" Mizaki's eyes widened a fraction and his breath rattled just a little.

"…Natsume?" Misaki repeated his name curiously, "Hyuga-sama?"

"Mhm." Natsume grunted affirmatively, and shifted his weight awkwardly – he didn't really like being in medical establishments _that much_, but when he was sick he tended to understand the necessity and not be too bothered by it. However now he felt like an intruder on this poor, weak kid.

With great effort, the boy sat up properly in bed and raised a hand to his face; removing his oxygen mask and in a faint voice saying something Natsume couldn't pick up. It was obvious that he should come closer, as Misaki wasn't in a state to be yelling, so he stepped awkwardly closer to the small bed.

"Thank…" a wheeze, "…you…" Natsume thought that would be the end of it then and he could slink off to a corner quickly, but before he could back off again, feeling more embarrassed by this situation than anything now (he hadn't come here looking for _this_), Misaki added, "…so much." Falling back and letting Youichi put the oxygen mask back on him, Misaki closed his eyes and appeared to fall asleep, so Natsume shifted back steadily until Youichi had to run to get to him.

"Haha, Natsume-senpai," he grinned, "you look embarrassed." Natsume raised an arm to scratch the back of his head dismissively.

"It was nothing really." He mumbled, "I'm just glad he's okay." Once again, Natsume found himself ambushed by a hug.

"Misaki-kun is my best friend," Youichi said as he clung to Natsume's middle, "I don't know what I would've done if… like Aikawa-chan…" the name struck like a barb, as Natsume recalled the poor girl he could now remember all too clearly lying _dead_, stone cold _dead_, on the ground.

"Yeah," he said sourly, "lucky that." Youichi slipped his hand into Natsume's, as aside from being his Senpai Natsume was also like a big brother to him; things like this were tiny, precious fragments of family-life mixed up in this big school.

"Shall we go and see the memorial together?" He asked Natsume as they walked slowly out of the medical ward, Youichi having already said goodbye to Mizuki once and asked to leave so he could get some rest, so not needing to say it again. Natsume's hand tightened around Youichi's.

"Yeah." He answered, then after a little while said, "did you know her?"

"She was in my class." Youichi replied as they walked, "…she was nice." They continued in silence after that, until Youichi guided Natsume to one of the primary school's dorms, and even from far away he could see the a large memorial that had been set up just outside, with flowers and pictures and mementos of the little girl posted all over it.

When they got close, Youichi ran away from Natsume and up to the base of the main memorial, where he crouched down and took a little pen out of a pencil-box and held it out to Natsume.

"You can write something if you want," he said tentatively as he pointed to a placard covered in children's writing. After a long pause Natsume took the pen, and at the bottom of this board where people who _really_ knew her had written their last comments on he quickly scrawled _'I'm sorry. N.' _and dropped the pen back into its container hurriedly, striding away before he could feel and _worse _about himself and head straight over to the AAO with a barrel of petrol and a foul temper.

"Natsume!" Youichi called after him and ran, catapulting into his side when he suddenly stopped, "wait for me please," he said timidly, and almost without thinking Natsume reached down to grab hold of his hand again.

"Lets go for a walk." He stated blankly, and set off determinedly, while skipping slightly to keep up with his step, Youichi followed.

* * *

A little before lunch, Mikan was outside playing football with some of the boys from her class when she felt herself go off colour; well, she felt odd… to say the least. She'd been feeling 'odd' for a while now; on and off all yesterday as well, and _that _had just led to nothing but embarrassment, so by now she would've just ignored it. However, this feeling was somehow vicious, and she worried it might be dangerous. She worried about Natsume.

Again.

So she swapped out of the game and ran over to get her mobile phone out of her bag – a special one Hotaru had made for her seeing as she had neither enough stars nor rabbits to buy one herself, and guiltily dialled Natsume on it.

At first he didn't pick up, but after she'd called a few more times he eventually picked up with a gruff, "what?"

"Oh, Natsume…" she said in surprise, as he'd answered so quickly this time she had barely had time to process what she'd intended to say, "I was… just wondering…."

"If I was okay? Mikan, I am _fine._" He growled, but his voice wavered just a little at the end and he realized that might've given the game away.

"…What happened, Natsume?" She asked quietly, and his breath hitched in his throat, a sound accentuated over the phone.

"I… had some things to deal with." He said shortly, "it's nothing big."

"Is it… about… the little girl?" Mikan asked shyly, and once again Natsume's breath faltered as she _read his damn mind_.

"…How do you-?"

"From your dreams." She answered before he was even finished asking, though that was only partly true as she'd dreamt about a _lot _and it was just hearing his voice that had forced that memory into her head like it was being pushed mysteriously from behind. So then, ignoring the butterflies in her stomach, she asked, "can… I meet you? To talk about it?" Natsume made a neutral grunting sound and looked over to Youichi.

"Youichi-kun's here." He told her, then moved the phone away from his ear with a flinch as she squealed 'You-chan?!' excitedly at him. "We're by the west pagoda."

Natsume and Yoichi stopped for a rest until Mikan arrived; jogging up in the shorts and t-shirt she played football in with her hair in a horrific mess and sweat running out of every pore: it was a look so _Mikan _Natsume barely registered it anymore.

"Hey, You-chan!" she cooed, only to receive a cold look from a boy who did not like being referred to as '-chan' very much anymore, "has Natsume been a good senpai to you?"

"Whatever, Mikan." He mumbled coolly, now seeming like a perfect replica of Natsume when he was that age.

"What's the problem then?" Natsume interjected tiredly, "I waited for you, so what do you want to say?"

"I… well…" Mikan stuttered, then stopping for a second and ordering her thoughts continued, "I saw… a little girl…last night in a dream." An awkward look at the two boys opposite her, "and she… she was…"

"She was dead." Natsume said icily, "her name was Aikawa Shoko."

"Oh." Mikan replied sadly, and suddenly dropped to the ground and curled her knees up under her chin, "…why?"

"You know why." He said bluntly, and when she turned to look at him he wore a scowl that was somehow reminiscent of that grimace of rage he'd worn at the start of all this.

_(The mission)_

"…Oh."

"It's not your business." He said coldly, and in return received an angry burst of her temper.

"What do you mean?! Why isn't it my business? I-"

"_That _doesn't give you the excuse to pry into my life." He hissed.

"I'm not prying into your life if I'm just being a good friend Natsume!" She cried back, skidding onto her knees to yell at him.

"Don't scream at me." He threatened, "yelling-"

She cut him off, "I'm not yelling and if it's what I need to do to get stuff through your thick skull then I'll yell all I want to!"

"There you go again." Said Natsume bluntly.

"There _you _go!" She retorted, opening her mouth to yell 'acting too cool all the time', but this time it wasn't her voice that made a sound, in spite of it seeming to be her cue.

"I'm not acting cool!" He spat in disgust, "just because I want' nosy girls out of my life doesn't mean I'm trying to act cool." He was intending to continue 'I just want you to leave me alone' when Mikan finally had her cue.

"If you wanted to be left alone then why did you tell me where you were?!" Mikan butted in triumphantly, and they were both about to flat-out yell at each other this time when someone else added a comment.

"How are you doing that?" Youichi demanded suddenly, "Natsume, Mikan never called you cool."

Now both Natsume and Mikan froze with a horror-filled realization of what they might have been doing… managing to argue so fast they contradicted what the other one had been _about _to say.

"…What?" Natsume said something first, sounding offbeat and dismissive in the hope of Youichi not paying too much attention to it, before him and Mikan had both been so fired up that they were in turn firing each other up via their 'bond' and that made them even angrier and more determined to get to the other one, and that cycle he now realized had carried them away just a bit. "Maybe you just missed it."

"No, Natsume. She never said it." He retorted, "and you never told her to leave her alone, but she acted like you had." He looked between the two with their faces of guilt suspiciously, "what's going on?"

"Um…You-chan…" Mikan panicked and waved her hands anxiously, "see me and Natsume just argue so much we know what the other one will say without them even needing to say it… eheheheh… it's practise… that's-"

"We can tell what the other one is thinking." Natsume told him blankly, and Mikan screamed from the end of the word thinking onwards.

"Natsume!" She shrieked, "what kind of talk is that?!"

"What?" Asked Youichi.

"She stole my Alice for a while and when she gave it back she kept some." He explained oblivious of Mikan screaming even more and pulling a mortified face of horror and disgust, "so now she can tell what I'm feeling and thinking, and we have to be physically close sometimes." As he went on he started to consider exactly _why _he'd suddenly thought telling Youichi was a good idea, or even how he'd come up with such a good explanation _after _Reira had 'dumped' him (which was of course undecided, it would end when _he _said it ended). Perhaps he just didn't want to lie to _someone _at least, and he knew Youichi wouldn't tell anyone.

"Natsume what a silly game!" Mikan yelled desperately, "why would you tell You-chan such obvious lies!" Youichi turned towards her.

"They're not lies, stupid girl." He told her carefully, "it makes perfect sense, and that's why you keep doing the same things."

"What?" Natsume and Mikan chimed in perfect unison, and Youichi raised an accusing finger at the two of them.

"Like that." He said shortly, "you talk the same, and when Natsume scratches his arm Mikan-chan does as well, then when Mikan-chan screws up her hands into fists and goes red in the face Natsume does the same."

"You should give the Alice back." He shifted his pointing-finger of shame so it wholly faced Mikan, and she recoiled in overdramatic horror.

"I did already!" she protested, and Youichi smiled faintly.

"See, I knew it wasn't a lie." He grinned, and Natsume out of random impulse ruffled his hair with a smirk.

"How does it feel to have a little kid be smarter than you, Mikan?" he jeered, and Mikan simply pulled a face at him.

"So does this mean you're in love?" Youichi then went on to ask like it was a simple deduction, and in the same hearbeat Natsume and Mikan jumped towards him and screamed 'NO!' in a perfect reflection of each other.

"No-no-no-no… uh, see You-chan…" Mikan rushed, "it's just because of… well the Alice… me and Natsume aren't boyfriend and girlfriend, no-no definitely not…right Natsume?" she glanced at him sideways for assurance, but found him to be too distant to notice anything as of the words 'because of the Alice'.

"I've got an idea…." He suddenly muttered, and straightened himself up and ran off down a path, without so much as a 'goodbye' to either Mikan or Youichi, who, in light of suddenly having been abandoned decided to go for ice-cream; where Mikan explained why she and Natsume weren't a couple.

"See, Youichi, this is just temporary with Natsume," she guessed, "it seems a bit like people in love in the movies right now... but falling in love for real is different… besides," she added quietly, "Natsume wouldn't ever want to go out with a girl like me." Youichi stopped eating for a second and stared up at Mikan's moony expression.

"Why not?" He asked, "Natsume-senpai liked you before didn't he?"

"…That was when we were little," she answered after a pause, "things aren't the same when you're older. And Natsume likes pretty girls… with good figures and things…" Youichi didn't really understand, because he thought Mikan was pretty, and he knew Ruka-senpai did as well, but he could tell Mikan was unhappy so he subtly slipped his hand into hers.

"If you tell anyone I'll kill you," he murmured embarrassedly, and then began walking the two of them over to a Howalon stall, "lets buy some Howalon, Mikan-chan." Grinning and squeezing Youichi's hand, Mikan's step lightened and she even laughed a little.

"Thanks, You-kun." She said sweetly.

* * *

What Natsume had done, was in fact run to the Academy Archives, which was coincidentally in the same basement-building as Persona's hideaway, so by sneaking in there and stealing a key he instantly gained access to all the Academy's files, history and research – and starting at the 'known Alice' database he began a long and poorly lit search through the antiquated files.

This 'idea' he'd thought of listening to Mikan and Yoiuchi, and this search that followed it, soon became an obsessive activity. He spent the rest of the day in that dim room pawing through old and disorganised files, and crawled into Mikan's bed (somewhat to her surprise) at well past three am.

She couldn't say she wasn't glad he turned up eventually, as she'd barely been sleeping herself, but she was suspicious as to where he'd been and why he'd run off so suddenly. Unfortunately, he didn't have time to answer her before he fell asleep; fully clothed and half-draped over her like a blanket. As much as she wanted to she just couldn't complain, becuase she was so glad he _did _come, and soon gratefully followed him into unconsciousness.

The next morning was in fact a school day, and although Natsume left some three or so hours after he'd arrived in Mikan's room (way before school started), he didn't turn up to any classes during the day – and throughout the week only turned up to the lessons it was absolutely necessary for him to attend. The rest of the time, Mikan discovered, he spent searching and researching in the archives; coming to her room well past midnight every night smelling like old paper and mothballs.

She realized it was a bit obsessive, but when he seemed to be a bit happier and a bit closer to finding out _what _was going on with every night, she didn't try to save anything. This way she also got him all to herself, and as guilty as she felt for it she was glad.

* * *

It was a Friday afternoon, though that meant very little to Natsume as he'd more or less lost all sense of time and place, when he finally found the source he'd been looking for, and leaping to his feet with a crazed cheer stuffed it into the _folder _of information he'd gathered and burst out of the door.

_'I've got it!' _He thought as he started to run towards the girl's dorms – a place he now frequented so often that the monitoring dormbot had actually assumed it had made an error and given Natsume an ID on the premise of his really being a girl. This of course made things a lot easier for him seeing as his new bed was in fact _Mikan's _bed.

"Now_ there's _an unfamiliar face." An oddly familiar voice broke him out of his trance, and he skidded to a stop and turned around to face a girl he'd once again forgotten existed.

"Reira?" He said in surprise, blinking in the bright light of daytime and realizing he looked like some kind of dishevelled librarian: black ink-stained fingers and tiny squinting eyes peering out from behind his messy hair like he was surprised to see the sun.

"I'd hoped you'd disappeared or something." She said coldly, as Natsume realized by comparison she looked _really _good, and he remembered that it had been some time since he'd actually had any contact with a girl.

...Well apart from Mikan, but that didn't count.

"That's nice," he replied coolly, and then scanning her up-and-down once more added, "speaking of _nice…_" however before he could compliment her she cut him off.

"Don't try anything!" She threatened suddenly, "I ended it with us remember? Well, I sent you a message, but you were too _cowardly_ to even repl-" this time it was she who was cut off; by the hands and body weight of Natsume as he firmly grabbed her and pushed her against the nearest upright surface – on this occasion a vending machine – and proceeded to mash his mouth, teeth and lips rather passionately against hers.

At first he felt her resist, but banging her hands back down by the wrist when she tried to push away and only kissing her harder he felt her slowly give in; not kissing him back as such, but no longer trying to stop him, and a shiver in her arms told him that she was getting quite the kick out of his actions.

"It's over," he finally hissed as he tore his hot and wet mouth away from hers, and she made a faint gasp of relief as she ran her tongue behind her bruised lips, "when _I say _it's over." With that he turned his back on her and walked away, leaving her stunned and red-faced in the middle of the grounds.

Picking up speed again as he finished his route back to Mikan's room, this time with an even greater swing in his step, Natsume burst through the door with an unfamiliar smile.

"I've got it!" he said boldly, and tipped his head curiously at Mikan as she finished sticking a large plaster over a long cut on her leg.

"What the hell is that?" He questioned, "How did you hurt yourself?" Mikan immediately went red and ummed and ahhed as she tried to avoid answering him. Until he walked right up to her, tossing his file onto the bed and grabbed her knee to pull her leg towards him.

"What did you do?" he questioned stonily, and as she snatched herself back Mikan awkwardly mumbled.

"I cut myself shaving…"

"Doing what?" He asked incredulously.

"Shaving… my legs," she repeated and blushed even more, "I was just shaving them and… well, um, I messed up suddenly, and I cut myself by mistake." She hastily pressed down the edges of the plaster and pulled down her trouser leg, "really it's nothing important."

Meanwhile, Natsume fell quiet upon learning Mikan shaved her legs… he just hadn't thought someone like _her _would do stuff like that. Other girls, he was aware of their hair-removing ways, but Mikan always seemed so oblivious to him that realizing that she did as well was like being told pigs really _could _fly.

"Oh." He said bluntly, "If you don't know how to then you will just end up cutting yourself, stupi-"

"I know just fine!" She protested, "I do it all the time, I just messed up this once time – _because…" _the last part she didn't say, but he managed to catch it anyway.

"Because what?" he demanded, and in response Mikan only stood up and peered closely at him, appearing to observe him and try to take in some kind of aura.

"Where did you meet a girl?" She asked suddenly, and Natsume jumped in his skin with surprise; _how on earth _she could know that was beyond him, _beyond _their 'issue' as well… or, that's what he'd thought.

It might make some things clearer if she _could _tell though…

"I… none of your business." He said shortly.

"Fine," Mikan replied coolly, "but then I won't tell you what made me mess up shaving my legs." Another glance down at her legs, and Natsume simmered for a moment before shaking his head in relent and backing off. It occurred to him now that when his hands or skin had been against Mikan's legs when they were in bed they were always smooth, and it forced a very confused and jarred deduction that she must do it on a _regular basis _as well.

Alighting on the files, which were in fact the reason he'd come here, he moved off topic and picked the folder up.

"So I think I have an idea about what's going on with us at last…" he began offhandedly, and Mikan's eyes widened in anticipation.

* * *

Cliffhanger because I'm mean :P and because I promise I won't take as long with the next chapter so you won't all be losing interest (hopefully :S)

Reviews to let me know people still give a damn about this story?


	9. Curse of curves

Updated! Not one of my finest chapters, nor anything I planned, but it gets some of the goods down and moves us on a little.

Plus it didn't take months to do :D aren't I a good cookie?

* * *

Natsume picked up the file of papers he'd spent the best part of the week collecting and sat down in their place on the bed, and placed them on his lap.

"I think I've got it," he repeated once more, and opened the slim file to reveal a number of photocopied clips of paper and a few scraps with his scrawly handwriting across them.

"What, what?!" Mikan gushed and ran towards him, but just as she reached for the folder he pulled it away from her hands.

"Don't grab at me," he bit, "if you sit down for just a second I'll tell you." Obediently, Mikan stopped trying to snatch for the goods and sat on the bed next to him, tucking her injured leg underneath her.

"Here," he said with a smile, and held out a tiny slip of paper that he'd copied out of a larger file, which read…

_:Two male students in the 7th grade: showed symptoms of an Alice that permitted them to read one another's thoughts and experience sensations inflicted on the other, thought to be an Alice of 'friendship', cause unknown, type varied, strength variable.:_

"Wh…" Mikan gasped as she read and reread the slip, "is this…?"

"What we've got? I think it might be," Natsume answered, and held out a sheet with exerts from other files written out by hand; they all described the same thing, a largely unknown Alice that seemed to bond two individuals, and caused a number of the things that they were both experiencing – sleep loss, shared dreams and sensation, low levels of telepathy and even more.

Natsume was right: he'd go it.

"You… you found it out." Mikan said in surprise as she read more about this new Alice it was assumed they had somehow created, and she pored over the papers and after a little while said, "I can't believe an Alice like this even exists…"

"Well it does," he replied, "we've got the proof." She looked up at him briefly.

"I can't believe you found it," she murmured and pulled her legs up underneath herself, "so… what else do you about it?"

"I, I…well, not much," he snapped bitterly, "I can't seem to find out anything else except for the fact that it exists."

Mikan frowned and sifted her fingers through the slips of paper now spread out across the bed.

"Oh," she said quietly.

"Exactly," he replied, "nothing about how it works or why it happens or if it stops."

"Oh," she said again sadly, as she was reminded that it was still one of Natsume's priorities to get rid of their new 'Alice'.

"Then I suppose there's not much more we can do about it," she sighed, "unless the teachers knew anyth-"

"Out of the question." He said bluntly, "We can't tell them."

"Why?" Some of the teachers were her friends, and Mikan didn't want to think that she'd have to keep any more secrets from them. Not now, when she'd been doing so well.

"Because it will just lead to trouble." He said succinctly.

"You don't know that!" Mikan retorted, "Maybe they can help!"

"When have they ever 'helped' before?" He spat, "when has getting 'them' involved ever made any of our problems easier?"

"Hey! They areour problems!" She shot accusingly, because although he said 'our' Natsume had thought and felt as if they were just _his_ problems, which Mikan had picked up keenly, "you only think like that because…" _you always try to do everything on your own._

"Well if you stayed away and let me handle things _my _way!" _Maybe things wouldn't go wrong so often!_

"That's not my fault!" _and if it weren't for me you'd have…_

"Don't you _dare _go there, Mikan." Natsume hissed venomously, although he was aware that they had been arguing ahead of themselves again; he made sure to cut her off, even in thought, before she could start saying anything like that. She narrowed her eyes at him resentfully for being so callous, and swept her hand across the bed to send all the slips of paper he'd collected flying.

"Don't tell me what to do, _Natsume._" She replied furiously, "So get out of my room. Reira's room is around her, go bother her with your misery."

"Reira and I broke up." He replied icily, but Mikan wasn't to be fooled.

"That's not what your _perfume_ says," she shot back, _or your face. _

He immediately shook his head and tried to smell whatever 'perfume' Mikan claimed to smell; Reira did wear a lot of the stuff but he'd barely touched her and he couldn't smell anything at all.

"I told you to leave!" She shouted again when he didn't respond, and when Natsume only sat there and _still _didn't respond she jumped up angrily, "Fine then I'll leave!" She announced, "Don't you dare be here when I'm back!" were her last words as she stormed out the door and slammed it hard behind her.

However, Natsume didn't see the point in ruining a good run by listening to her now, and after tidying up his research lay down on her bed. He discovered upon doing this that even when she was gone the bed still smelt of Mikan, and thanks to his new, _irritating_ Alice he found that scent rather comforting.

* * *

This was how he came to be curled up with his face in her pillow when Mikan finally got bored of walking in laps around her dormitory and returned to her room, and her face softened at the sight of him.

"…Oh Natsume," she said faintly as she closed the door behind her, "you never listen…" as she got closer she said, "Natsume? Are you awake?" a little louder, and upon eventually deducing he was asleep reckoned she was okay to change really quickly: she had football practice and didn't see the point in waking him up.

After getting her clothes out and walking around so Natsume's back was facing her (just to be safe) she quickly started to undress and pulled on her sports kit.

Meanwhile Natsume frowned into the pillow and realized that he'd only have to turn over at the right time to see Mikan almost totally naked, and pretending to be asleep so she'd leave him alone (and not kick him out) was suddenly not one of his greatest plans.

He heard the sound of cloth being dropped to the floor and swallowed – _crap, _he thought – _awkward, very awkward. _There was a list of girls he wanted to see naked within the walls of this school, including some of the staff, but he could not be surer of the fact that Mikan Sakura was _not _one of those girls.

Looking at her reminded him of how he used to be, the _idiot _he used to be, and his relationship with her was the only relationship he'd ever had with a girl not related by blood in which he'd been honest, callous, aggressive, depressed, any mood he felt like – he didn't 'filter'himself for her.

But she was the exception that proved the rule, because he knew from cruel experience that any other girl would never be able to handle him 'unfiltered'; he couldn't be his true self around a girl or she'd leave him, and his desires had to be fulfilled somehow, so he kept his act up.

This was why the thought of seeing Mikan in things like a _bra _and _panties _would ruin that separation, because he was sixteen years old and she was _fairly _attractive in general terms so he'd undoubtedly be aroused, and that would just screw things up. That was why he just kept his face pressed into the pillow and didn't move so much as a muscle until he heard her leave – she was a least smart enough not to bother him now.

He got up immediately and started to pace the room, waiting until he thought she'd be far enough away before he fled the building and ran back to his own room. He had considered for a while intruding on Reira to try and get some normal female action, but upon deciding she was probably still mad at him, or she wasn't mad at him and thought he was going to ask her to be his girlfriend, he opted out and went to find Ruka, who unsurprisingly asked where he'd been all week.

"Some stuff for the Academy…" he muttered evasively, but Ruka was the second person he was _least _likely to fool with a line like that.

"And really you were?" Ruka questioned expectantly.

"…Research." Natsume replied dully.

"Into what?" Ruka shot.

_Stop asking so many questions! _He thought, and for a split second waited for Ruka to respond to him until he realized he hadn't in fact said anything so Ruka _obviously _couldn't have heard him.

"Into…Alices."

"Oh… well…"

"Look, I'd really rather talk about something else," he finally cut off the conversation and stared out the window, "I spent most of the week thinking about it non-stop, I just want to talk about something different."

"Well…" he could see Ruka didn't want to let the subject go, but that he also didn't want to aggravate him, "I suppose…"

"Thanks."

"S'nothing," Ruka mumbled, "so, what do you want to talk about?" Naturally Natsume had no idea, as he'd just made that line up on the spot, however he thought of the first thing Mikan usually asked anyone she hadn't spoken to in more than a day.

"…Any new gossip?" Natsume scowled as Ruka laughed at him for asking such an _un-_Natsume question, "hey!" he bit and Ruka only laughed more.

"Not really, you've been in hiding all week and the gossip _is _usually about you, you know," Ruka said amiably, and loathed as he was to admit it Natsume knew that was true; by Monday his little sexual harassment of Reira would most likely be all over the school: he'd accepted it as an unfortunate fact of living in this school.

"…there's one thing I guess…" he added innocently, "….I think I like Mikan…" he said faintly, and Natsume's head reeled around as a jerk ran up his side.

"What was that?" he snapped in surprise.

"I…um," Ruka blushed, "…like…Mikan." Natsume decided (not for the first time) that playing it cool would be the best path to follow.

"Not surprising," he commented dryly after he managed to put the words together, "I thought you always had…" Ruka went even redder and started to glance about awkwardly.

"Well…" he said, "it's just… in the past week… when you weren't around so much… I guess we spent more time…uha, _alone_… and…" Natsume had a niggling irritation with the sheer amount of time it was taking Ruka just to explain this simple concept, "…well I… liked it… I guess." He looked at Natsume, "I'd like to go out with her." He paused for a second. "I think." Natsume smirked.

"I'm charmed, but you should probably ask _her_ that." He joked – one of his few.

"Hehe," laughed Ruka, "yeah you're right." He caught Natsume's eye again and was once more serious, "but… that doesn't bother you, does it?"

"Me?" Natsume shot back quickly, as if he was really surprised by the question, "…you know I have no interest in her… I like _hot _girls." He finished, and then felt a pang of guilt at inadvertently slating his best friend's taste.

"Hmh," Ruka mumbled rather appropriately, "well I just thought I should tell you before…" he looked at Natsume with his notoriously puppy-like eyes for a soft, soppy moment, "I wouldn't ever want to piss you off."

"Ha, upset me?" he scoffed, "you can have her, Ruka." He said boldly, and without quite realizing what he was implicating.

* * *

Because Ruka couldn't _quite _'have her', as late that night, without thinking about it in the terms that by all reasons it should, Natsume strolled into the girls' dorms and climbed into bed with Mikan.

"I… didn't know if you were coming tonight…" she whispered as she heard him open the door – knowing that it _was _him straight away of course, "I thought you might be" _mad._

"You know how I enjoy it" _sleep,_ he responded– thinking somewhat ironically so much _about _the promise of deep and refreshing sleep while teasing her in what he thought was just a childish way that he failed to miss every allusion to sex they'd inadvertently made.

"Mhm," Mikan hummed quickly, her face red as _she _of all people saw the innuendo, "well yunno…" she took in a short breath as she felt the weight of him on the edge of her bed, and one of his hands reached over her body to hold himself up.

"This stupid Alice sure is a pain," Natsume sighed as he lay down and shifted himself under the covers, while wrapping one of his arms around Mikan's stomach to keep him from falling off the bed, '_washed your hair' _he thought in passing as he nestled his head behind hers on the pillow; content in the knowledge that he was going to be sweetly and blissfully unconscious very soon.

"Yeah…" she slowly replied, and wished desperately that she meant those words as she felt Natsume drift off to sleep.

"Hey… Natsume?" she checked if he was really out, as even though she could tell this close to him quite easily – she had to be sure this time, "I've got a secret." She whispered as she wriggled slightly and let her body mould backwards into his form. "I haven't told anyone…"

_'…I think I might like you.' _She didn't dare speak the words, but thinking them alone was risky enough. However, with that warm tingly feeling tearing her insides to shreds with every moment her body touched his she couldn't go on any longer denying it.

_Yeah, she liked him._

She waited a little longer, just to make sure he was _really, really _asleep, and slowly turned around to face Natsume – their faces close enough for her to smell the toothpaste on his breath and to give her fleeting temptations to… kiss him…

But she couldn't of course – _duh, _she wasn't the sort of girl who could do things like that; she was too boyish… or at least, she wasn't girlish enough.

Not for _him_ anyway.

Natsume grunted briefly and rolled onto his back with Mikan's latest manoeuvre making him less comfortable, and she used the opportunity to slip one of her arms underneath him so she could slot into his side as closely as possible. She knew that this was going to be the closest she could ever be to him, and as long as he was too asleep to realize she might as well make the most of it.

Her pounding heart kept her awake longer than normal, and as she grew more daring and longed to feel just a tiny bit closer to him, or… just a little more…romantic, maybe… so she took her free arm and carefully slipped it just under the bottom of his pyjama top; her palm jumping with the contact against the bare skin of his stomach.

_(He was just so warm.)_

_'This is not good, Mikan,' _she thought to herself as she inched her hand across a little more and felt what must've been _electricity _run up her arm, _'this is not good at all.'_

She knew Natsume far too well not to know how things worked out when a girl he didn't like liked him. She didn't want to be one of them, so she would just keep this magical feeling to herself and hope he never realised.

* * *

The following morning, Natsume woke to the most vivid, numerous and plain _arousing _number of sex-dreams he'd ever encountered in the entire course of his puberty. And to boot, a _huge_ case of morning wood.

_(Not good)_

"Wh…_shit_," he croaked as he noticed their third occupant of the bed and thanked dear god he hadn't been spooning Mika…

- _Shit._

He thought again, as on one half of his body with an arm wrapped very passively around his chest and another _up his top _was Mikan Sakura.

_The _Mikan Sakura.

After first resisting the urges to 1 – get up and run away very fast, 2 – use the closest female thing (which was _her_) for his own immediate and extreme pleasure and 3 – run very fast to an ex-girlfriend'sroom and use her for number two, Natsume managed to form a rational plan that would save everyone's dignity.

Though he had to sacrifice the immediate and extreme pleasure branch, unfortunately.

"Uuurhaaa!" He groaned loudly and began to sit up, while letting Mikan slide off him as he bent his legs up slightly and turned away from her, "that was a good sleep." He didn't dare turn around but could feel Mikan waking in confusion.

"Natsume?" She mumbled drowsily, "you aren't usually this perky in the morning."

_'Wrongphrasetousewrpngphrasewrongphrase' _he thought manically, and then winced as Mikan heard him.

"What?" She asked, "wrong what, Natsume?"

"Wrong nothing," he said abruptly, "wow we really slept late I better not hang around too long…"

"It's Saturday." She said quietly, and suddenly it hit him very hard and very strong.

_(The Mission!)_

"Mission?!" Mikan heard him loud and clear that time, "you have a mission, Natsume?" You never said!" she sounded like she might be about to start yelling, and Natsume felt that if he was going to have to deal with his thoughts not being his own _and _her losing her rag then there was _something _he needed to take care of.

"Yeah… look, just gimmie a sec idiot," he rushed as he stood and attempted to walk to the door with his back to her as much as possible, "I, uh, need to take a slash."

"Ew," she responded, "I didn't need to know that," and as he pulled on the coat he'd worn over here and sleuthed out the door Natsume smirked slightly – _then there's a lot you really don't need to know_.

After Natsume had returned from the bathroom, no longer an embarrassment to himself, he considered pulling a disappearing act and avoiding Mikan altogether, but thought better of it in the end and returned to her room: his shoes _were_ in there after all.

Upon re-entering the small one-star suite he noticed for the first time that Mikan herself actually looked a little flushed as she watched him – _of course, _he thought – _we share dreams, _as he resisted the urge to chuckle (and then probably break down) at the thought of having mentally screwed Mikan, and he wondered if perhaps she'd save him trouble and pretend it had never happened like the last time.

"You… said you had a mission," she said awkwardly, "I can't believe you managed to hide it until now."

"I forgot about it," he replied simply, "but it's nothing big, just a normal sort of run… there's nothing to be worried about," he lied: he was going single-handedly to torch the AAO's new HQ and cause as much destruction as he possibly could to teach them what happened if they took the lives of Academy Alice students.

"I'll be the judge of that," she snapped back, "where are you going?"

"I can't tell you," he said routinely.

"I can find out anyway so you might as well just tell me," she told him, but he refused to budge.

"When are you going?"

"Late," he replied stiffly, "very late, tomorrow morning basically." Although Persona had marked this mission out for Saturday it was a bit of a grey area, as he was planning to go to sleep as normal and then get up early Sunday to hopefully catch the AAO bastards out.

"Oh, so you'll…" she hesitated, "be coming back at night?"

"…I guess," he said reluctantly, as the thought of spending many more nights like the last one with Mikan was a concept that made him just a little uncomfortable. _Especially _after what Ruka told him yesterday; thinking about that he realized he felt like he was cheating almost.

Like he needed any _more _perversions.

"You know you don't have to look so bad when you say it," she remarked callously, "it's not like I like sharing this tiny bed with you." She lied.

"Well I can't sleep if you aren't there," he retorted dully, "so it's not like I have a choice." Mikan's nerves began to fray.

"You haven't even _tried _for ages," she said while mentally slapping herself for being so stubborn.

"So you want me to?" He responded with dry amusement.

"Well I'm just saying!"

"Saying what? There are plenty of girls I could do much more interesting things in a bed with than this, so if you don't want me so much then I'll go." This remark hit Mikan hard, and she finally lost her temper.

"Well if you're going to be such an ass about it then you can just go!" she yelled angrily, _'find one of your sluts!'_ "And don't expect me to be here waiting to put you to bed like a stupid baby!" She reached for the nearest hard thing next to her and flung it at him – an alarm clock as it happened.

He caught it and quickly made the movement of throwing it back, and then laughed cruelly at her when she flinched.

"Whatever, you look more like a boy anyway." He spat, and dropping the clock on the floor stormed out of the room.

As the door closed Mikan tried to work out why her eyes were filling with tears, and why she felt like running after Natsume… and then realized it was what happened when you like someone.

She just had to deal with the annoyance of it being _him._

She'd never had many crushes when she was young, as she always treated everyone like her friend, so she didn't 'like' people in that way so much as she just liked their company. Except for Natsume, because right from the very start they'd had the _potential _to be more than just friends, though she'd talked herself out of it until recently.

It was just this _Alice_, since that day she started falling for him – her heart beat faster when he was near, she thought about him all the time, she _dreamt _about doing things with him she'd never thought of doing with anyone before.

Of all the stupid, mean, womanising and secretive boys in the world, she just _had _to like the very _worst _of them all, didn't she?

* * *

Mikan made it clear to Natsume that she wasn't going to forgive him this time: they'd already squabbled before and she'd let it go, but as he walked away from the building that morning he felt something brush the back of his head, and turned around to be showered in garbage thrown from her hallway window.

"Stupid idiot!" she screamed as she covered up her real feelings.

"Ugly dumbass!" he yelled back, and then, heard flaring up in his mind one word.

_Sorry_

He winced and tried to shut it out, he _didn't _need to hear her thinking right now.

_Sorrysorrysorry_

"Womaniser!" she called through her hands, and Natsume stopped and staggered on the path as he felt the stark contrast of her words and actions, and then scowled and ran off to try and stop himself feeling guilty all of a sudden.

_Sosorry_

He heard in his mind's 'ear', and then felt his eyes begin to sting and burn, as he knew he'd made her cry, and he really _wished _that he didn't care.

He spent the rest of the day brooding and doing menial tasks of preparation to take his mind off the first – plus if he wanted to make the mission tonight a success then he'd have to have his wits about him; not strung out on sleeping pills like the last time.

The problem in this plan was he'd been planningon getting some sleep, but considering Mikan was not on the best of terms with him, and he really didn't think he could handle any more emotional guilt what with Ruka _as well, _he ended up deciding to head out for the mission several hours early; when it was still technically Saturday, and was also more dangerous.

_'Oh well' _he thought spitefully as he loaded the last of his things into the boot of the Academy car and climbed into the driver's seat, _'death would probably get rid of that Alice for good, and then I wouldn't have this problem' _he yawned and nearly tore off a wing mirror on a lamppost, and as he exited the grounds through a special gate tried not to relive all the stories he'd heard about tired drivers crashing into rivers and things.

* * *

_:Next chapter teaser:_

_Mikan Sakura sat in her room, screaming and crying, as red welts rose up on her wrists and dark viscous blood dripped across her skin._

_"Oh no…" she sobbed as she fumbled for her phone desperately, "oh my god no…."_

* * *

So all's well and done.

I feel it's time to give some inspirations, as a scene from this was inspired by the wonderful works of Silvershine and her fablulous Kakashi/Sakura fanfiction (THE best writer for that pairing. End of.) and the whole concept of this entire fic was conceived after I read a story by theblueone, for Vegeta/Bulma.

Leave a review pls. Or the kitten gets it (points gun at kitten)


	10. I can't wait to see you again

I am a god among mortals! (Okay exaggerating there a little Oo)

I did most of this chapter in _a single night_, and topped up something else enough to make my word count for that single stream of writing over 4k. Yes, I feel accomplished. So enjoy this, it is mostly the spawn of my muse :P

* * *

Natsume screeched to a stop a street away from his destination and got out of the car, the keys jangling in his pocket as he went to the trunk and got out his equiptment: medi-kit, firecrackers, some low grade explosive, wire and a flick-knife.

He shut his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, as he brought his Alice into full-blooded circulation and figuratively brought the sparks to his fingertips. He needed to be quick-witted for this, so he would need to be able to use it at any given moment without a single second's hesitation.

He picked up the last item and held it up before him – his mask, and slotting it over his face he felt the edges grip to his skin all too familiarly, and with that he slammed the boot shut and began the walk to the AAO headquarters; sticking as he should to shadows and by-streets so he wouldn't be noticed by potential witnesses.

Eventually he came around to the back of the assumed AAO Headquaters, which had a shop front, but he'd been informed that the levels above and below it were all squatted in by the AAO. He had been told there wasn't a back entrance or basement loading area, so he would have to get in through the front unless he could find a window to get through.

Luckily he spotted a wooden-framed window on the first floor up that was conveniently positioned right above a large dumpster, which he climbed up and edged towards the wall on, reaching for the shabby fixture. He tried it first to check it was locked, which it was, and then took a few short breaths as he used his Alice to start burning away the old wood of the window frame, whlie the smoke crawled up the glass and made it sooty. He stopped the burning and waited a minute or so for the glass to cool, and then reached up and drove his hand through the weak charcoal.

He burnt away the rest of the frame and pulled the entire lower pane of glass out, and then carefully dropped it in with the rubbish below him, taking care not to break it as the sound could give his presence here away. He now scrambled up the wall and through the opening, dropping to the floor quietly and freezing as he listened for any signs of being found out.

He used the time to consider whether he would try to go to another room to lay the explosives, and if so then upstairs or down? If he used enough he could probably get part of the building to collapse, but then again he wasn't sure if he wanted too many lives on his conscience.

Since moving into high school he'd tried his best not to kill anyone on missions like these, because for one Mikan gave him hell for it, and for two _no one _liked being a murderer. However, he also thought about how _these _people had killed that poor little girl in cold blood, and his resolution gained force.

He would try and go for the bottom, he decided, and then creeping along the floor he started to make his way towards the door of the room he'd broken into.

He pressed his ear against the door and listened for the sound of humans, and thinking the corridor to be empty pushed open the door and started to slink down the hall. However half way down the corridor he heard the sound of light footsteps approaching, and haphazardly dashed into the nearest room; secluding himself behind the door.

"Aki?" A woman's voice called out, and Natsume realized it was one he vaguely recognised – it might've be Yuka… Mikan's mother, and he started to dread the idea of what he'd was about to do here.

_Could he kill her?_

Natusme remained quiet, and his heart pounded in his chest as he heard the steps come by the door he was behind, and crept cautiously into the room.

"Who left this open?" The woman said to herself, and Natsume wanted to look around the door and catch a glimpse of this notorious woman, and to see if it was who he thought it was. But he knew that was reckless and remained perfectly still as she reached in and pulled the door shut: he'd escaped this time, but with a lot less bloodlust.

Perhaps he'd just go up and set off a small blast there, he considered, as that would only take out the top floor and he was almost sure no one used the very top level either. A message… instead of boody-handed vengeance.

Natsume rubbed the front of his mask and remembered he was wearing it, and what the boy in this mask _had _done in the past, and he thought in passing that perhaps Mikan had made him go soft. Although he didn't really _want _to kill anyone... but they _killed _her… and he was the only person who could right that.

_(Was it right?)_

As he tried to dwell on this Natsume bounced a little on his heels, and it was only as a floorboard creaked that he remembered not to fidget. He crept to the door and listened for Yuka(?) again, and picked up what sounded like her walking down the stairs; he breathed a sigh of relief and gently twisted the door handle, but as he peered out into the hall he saw something he hadn't expected to see.

"…Hello there," said a man with a bandana over the lower half of his face, and behind him at his shoulder stood the very recognisable Yuka with a look of disgust, "lights out, kid." His fist shot out and before Natsume could get away it was quite literally 'lights out'.

* * *

Mikan spent the rest of that Saturday after she'd argued with Natsume feeling miserable and trying in spite of that to keep her chin up, but with Hotaru still away she found it much harder than she would've with her best friend here.

When it got late and Natsume didn't show up, which she hadn't really expected him to so much as she'd _hoped _he would, but the two of them (being as bad as each other) had parted on such terrible terms he'd probably gone and put himself at risk just because he didn't want to give in on their argument.

"Stupid Natsume!" she yelled suddenly and punched her pillow, "this would be so much easier if you weren't such a _jerk_!" Not for the first time she wondered why she had to go and start _liking _him of all people; why couldn't she have liked Ruka instead?

As it got late she tried to concentrate on her newest Alice and follow a link to Natsume, but she couldn't seem to reach him by choice: only at random.

It was about eleven o' clock however, when she heard in her mind the eloquent word _'shit!' _and then a searing pain struck her in the middle of the forehead.

"Ahhh!" she screamed and fell back on her bed, "Natsume?! What happened?!" She realized that he couldn't _hear _her yelling in her room, and then as much as she tried to feel for his presence – something she'd sometimes been able to sense on a low level – there was just _nothing. _

She started to panic, and began speculating all the horrible things that could've happened to him – he said it was an easy mission, but he might have lied about that and got himself into trouble: worst of all he could've gotten mixed up with gangsters or the police... or the AAO.

At least she thought that if her mom was there they wouldn't kill him… right?

"Oh no…" she said worriedly, and got up and started pacing the room, "what if something _awful _has happened?"

* * *

When Natsume came to, he was a couple of kicks to the ribs worse-off and had his hands bound behind his back with the wire _he'd _brought. Trying to struggle against it he only felt the thin strands of metal dig into his wrists.

_'Shit…' _he thought for the umpteenth time since he'd screwed this up, and tried to think of a way that would get him out of here _alive,_ and not like that poor girl.

Although… he reasoned as he saw his bag thrown in the corner of the room, there were still the explosives: he had a little bargaining power, and the option to take them all out with him.

"So you're awake?" a voice announced, and Natsume peered up in the dark room to the same woman he'd encountered before – Yuka 'Sakura'.

"…" he didn't say anything, as he knew it wouldn't change a thing.

"The Academy should stop sending kids into dangerous situations, don't you think so?" she remarked coolly and looked at the back of her hand aimlessly, "how long has it been now, Black Cat?"

Natsume still didn't respond: he was probably dead already, so indulging this woman in idle talk was simply a waste of time leading up to the inevitable.

"Not much longer now," he bit resentfully, not able to hold back just one snide comment, "am I right?"

Yuka laughed dryly and Natsume pulled against his bindings another time, feeling his skin wear raw with the sharp contact.

"Ah, _Natsume-kun_…" she sighed, "it didn't have to be like this."

"Of course it did." He hissed, "But I expect it won't bother you, there's _enough _blood on your hands already." He could hear her anger and a sharp-toed boot quickly presenting itself in his throat told him that antagonising her hadn't been one of his smartest ideas.

"That was nothing to do with me!" she snarled, and kicked him again, softer, in the ribs, "That little girl was an... _accident," _if the capability to speak had still been in Natsume he would've shouted 'bullshit' or something else appropriate, but he was winded and his throat was half-collapsed.

"We weren't going to hurt her!" Yuka protested, "but with _you lot _snapping at our heels some of the guys panicked, so... keep that mouth shut you arrogant little shit... and pray we show you mercy." She appeared to calm herself down, and retreated back across the room, "if you could be persuaded to join us, perhaps…" she remarked, and Natsume provided his answer by setting fire to the curtains.

"How mature." Yuka said flatly and beat the flames out with his bag of all things – very nearly blowing them both up herself, and Natsume realized at that point that if either of them died it would make Mikan sad: even though they were technically not on speaking terms he'd still never want to do that.

_'What I wouldn't give to be in bed with that idiot now…' _he mused, and wondered if perhaps his attitude towards sleeping with her (non-sexually) had become just a little more than 'necessity'.

"How is my daughter?" Yuka asked after a few minutes angry silence, and loathed as he was to acknowledge he heard her he found himself replying.

"Stupid." He said shortly.

"Still? Figures," Yuka mused, "her father was just like her." Although he was a little surprised to hear Yuka appear to _know _anything about Mikan, Natsume was even more startled to hear her father of all people mentioned.

"I'm only telling you this because you're going to die," she added in a kind of explanatory way, "so I might as well find out how she's doing since she refuses to leave the Academy." Try as he might Natsume found it hard to argue with that logic.

"She made the football team," Natsume said unenthusiastically, while half hoping that perhaps by plying her off with information about Mikan he could somehow bargain for his life… or at least get his hands untied, as working at them furiously now he was pretty sure he'd made himself bleed trying to tear himself free.

"She did?" Yuka replied almost contently, "what about her grades?"

"They suck."

"Oh, well she does take after me then…" the young woman who it was hard to believe gave birth to Mikan said thoughtfully.

"Not really, Uunlike you, she's not a callous bitch," he said spitefully, and hissed through his teeth as he managed to drag a thin cut wider with the damn wires around his wrists.

"Watch that tongue you shitty brat," she reprimanded him, "in a way I'll be glad to see you dead, because then I won't ever worry about her ending up with you."

"Ending up with me?" Natsume echoed instantly, "What the hell does that mean?"

"Are you thick or something?" Yuka scorned, "she's been in love with you for years, she wouldn't leave the Academy because she couldn't leave you, she _told _me that." The fair haired woman explained as she walked over to Natsume again and put her boot against his face, "I expect your death will make her sad, but you've caused her enough trouble you'll probably be saving her heartbreak in the long run." All at once the foot was gone and a gun was whipped out and pressed against Natsume's temple, and he remembered how very _serious _this situation really was: he _was _going to _die_, and he'd been acting like it was all a game.

"Y-you…" he stuttered as the cold metal against his temple sent alarming messages to his brain, "I wouldn't do that if I were you!" He blurted, "not if you care about your daughter at all!"

"To the contrary," she said icily, "I _do _care, so I won't let a dangerous kid like you hang around her anymore." Natsume heard the hammer on the gun click and felt a horrible blade of fear tear through his insides.

"Kill me and she could die too!" he rushed hesitantly, and thankfully Yuka paused, "I…she…look," he panted, "there's a new Alice…"

"Another Alice?" Yuka snapped curiously, "what the hell do you mean?"

"Me and her," Natsume confessed as he tried to save his life – for once he really _didn't_ want to die, "we have… an Alice."

"Of what?"

"Of…well, it's hard to explain." He wavered, "but if you hurt me you'll hurt her!" Yuka stated at him incredulously.

"What Alice does that?" she asked sceptically.

"It's… like a bond… or something," Natsume replied, "she can even read my thoughts... and find me… she could be on her way here right now…" This he knew to be a slight dramatisation of events, but Natsume _was _trying to wheedle for his life, so a little embellishment would hardly hurt that. Yuka sat quietly for about thirty seconds and seemed to process this information, and then turning to him with a sick grin said.

"Yeah, right," and whipped the barrel of her gun across his cheekbone, and everything went black for Natsume again. "String him up, boys," she told a man who had been quietly sitting in the corner the whole time – gun pointed on Natsume from the very beginning – who got up and then grabbed Natsume by his heavily bleeding wrists.

* * *

Mikan started to panic when the welts showed up.

Across the inside of her wrists long red marks formed, along with more kicks and stabs of _proof _that Natsume needed help and soon, and Mikan was about to run out the door when she realized she had absolutely _no idea _what to do or where to go… she was useless.

"Natsume…" she said faintly as she stared at the marks on her forearms, and brushing a fingertip against one of the particularly swollen and pinky ones screamed suddenly when the top layer of skin tore as if it was fine tissue paper and dark viscous blood poured out of the legion.

"Oh my god!" she screamed and started to cry, and then in a panic fumbled for her phone.

"Natsume!" she sobbed as another bone-crushing hit got her right across the face and she nearly lost consciousness, "oh no… _oh my god no!"_

Ruka Nogi answered his phone on the first ring, and even though he couldn't get a single word of what Mikan said he could tell she was crying and didn't waste so much as a minute as he blasted out of his room and sprinted across to hers.

"Mikan!" He roared as he burst through the girl's dorm and found her, curled up in a tiny blood-streaked pile on the floor, "what's happening!"

"Ruka…" she sobbed, "Natsume is in danger, really big danger."

"You're the one in danger!" he cried in distress, but knowing that he would continue to fuss over her unless she pulled it together (for Natsume's sake) Mikan picked herself off the floor and snatched her thickest and darkest coat out of her closet.

"No, trust me on this," she replied, "Natsume is in it really deep, we have to go _now._" Ruka saw how resolute and frightened Mikan looked, so didn't have to think a second time.

"Go where?" he questioned.

"I don't know," she mumbled as she grabbed his arm and started to steer the two of them out the door, "but I know I can get there somehow…"

* * *

"F--ck…." Natsume hissed as he woke up a second time, and this time suspended from the wall by his backwards-bent-up hands with blood running down his forearms, "you people are_ sick…_"

"Sick?" Yuka and her companion echoed: this was a different guy to the one who'd put him up on the wall: the AAO appeared to have stationed a number of different guards to stand watch with Yuka, "he calls _us _sick? It's your _school _that are sick," Yuka said spitefully.

"Yeah, the Academy is the bad guy here," the man said, "We're trying to help,"

"Help by killing little girls?" Natsume spat, and the next instant Yuka had slapped him hard and full around the face.

"Count your minutes, brat," she said sinisterly, "they will be your last."

"Do I get a phonecall?" Natsume jeered, and Yuka nearly hit him again.

"Don't mess with me kid!" she threatened, but Natsume felt he had to get just _one _piece of unfinished business dealt with if he was going to die with any conviction.

"Look, you're going to kill me, I get that," he ground out resentfully, "but can I have a last goodbye? A call? Like Aikawa Shoko never did?" Yuka looked quizzical but also tired, as she had been on double shifts for the sake of Natsume, and thought in a moment of weakness that it might just give her a little kick to let him have his call before his brains were blasted out.

"…Alright then," she smirked, and pulling his phone and her gun out of the pocked held the phone up to his face and the gun to the side of his head, "but you even _sound _like you're gonna give the goods away and it's bye-bye, who do you want to call?"

"Mikan," he said gruffly, but a shove of the gun barrel against his head told him to choose differently.

"Definitely not," Yuka snarled, "no way you're calling _my _daughter to die." She opened up the 'recent callers' menu and saw another girl's name.

"Here, talk to 'Reira-chan'," she chuckled as she pressed auto-dial and set the phone onto speakerphone. It rang twice and then a feminine and girly voice answered.

"Natsume-kun!" Reira gasped, "you better be sorry for doing that to me yesterday! You can't just go around kissing girls and expecting to get away with it!"

"Now that's interesting…" Yuka whispered and Natsume glared at her, and then decided that seeing as he was most likely going to die anyway – and he was in so much pain right now that it almost sounded tempting – he could at least manage to make _one _person happy… even for a little while.

"I'm sorry," he said meekly into the phone, and heard Reira's muffled sounds of shock at his willingness to back down, "and… I did it… because I like you…" he continued semi-dramatically, and then as the loss of blood hit in and started to make him light-headed (and hearted) ventured into bolder territory, "no…" he said, "I love you. Go out with me."

"This is a joke isn't it!?" Reira screamed suddenly, and Natsume very nearly smiled, but he was brought back down by the fact that he was about to _f—king die_.

"It's not a joke, I just realized it at last… I love you," he repeated with an almost-smirk of silliness; feeling a kind of freedom at this totally ridiculous situation, "be my girlfriend?" there was a few seconds pause and then just as Reira made a high-pitched sound that was very probably a 'yes' of some kind Yuka dropped the phone to the floor, and then promptly stamped on it.

"So now you don't die single I guess," she chuckled, and moved the gun so it was resting under Natsume's chin and pointing up through his head, "Mikan was right, you really are a jerk aren't you?"

"Better than being a murderous bitch," he hissed as he felt one of his shoulders pop out and somewhere in the back of his head he heard a scream that wasn't his own, "I've never _murdered_ someone who could've been spared," he proclaimed, and found his neck twisted as Yuka shoved the gun upwards.

"Oh yeah?" she accused, "what about that night? Last week, when you pulled your superman act? I hardly think trying to burn each and every one of us to a crisp is 'sparing'!" Natsume had forgotten that night, and felt just a little bashful at having been revealed as a hypocrite right at the point of his death – but at least he reasoned that no one else had witnessed it, as the other guard had gone outside to meet a guy called 'Kyou' about 'a package'.

"And I hardly think all those explosives in your bag were 'sparing' either," Yuka added coldly, and in that instant Natsume used his Alice to burn straight through his bag in the desperate hopes of surviving the blast better than a bullet. But Yuka only laughed.

"I chucked that shit out of the window," she sneered and tested her finger against the trigger, "you're out of luck, kid." Her finger seized and the trigger sprung.

"_Wrong_ kind of shop to hide in." Came a voice all of a sudden, and the door to Natsume's mortuary burst open and a tide of cats, dogs, rabbits and even reptiles flooded in, a lone parrot flying straight into Yuka's arm and knocking her hand away from her gun as budgies flew at her face.

"Ruka!" Natsume moaned for joy, and saw his angel of mercy stood proudly in the doorway as all the inhabitants of 'Kokoko's pets' ran amok among the members of the AAO.

_'Natsume!' _He heard in reply, but this voice was not spoken.

_'…You…' _he answered.

_'I… I'm in time?' _she said timidly.

_'Just about, you cut it pretty f—king close.'_

_'Hey! I found you in all of Tokyo so be glad we made it here when we did, and I spent all my allowance on a taxi and…'_

This sub-vocal conversation ended when none other than Mikan stumbled into the doorway and met eyes with Natsume; before it had been much fainter and...unreal, but on seeing one another the Alice took on a whole new level of strength.

"Natsume!" she cried and ran towards him, wrapping her arms around his middle and easing the horrific pressure on his arms, which of course she had been suffering through as well.

"Oh god…" he groaned, while she got out the pair of pliers from her coat pocket (for cutting Academy fences) and reached up to cut him down. He fell to the floor in a messy, bloody heap and as soon as she'd freed his wrists from one another he didn't hesitate to fling them around her shoulders, spattering her clothes with his congealed and clotting blood.

"Mffnnn," he murmured into her shoulder as he buried his face in it, and as Yuka was pushed into a corner by angry dogs and a _furious _Ruka, she suddenly realized who the other person was.

"Mikan?!" she shrieked as she identified the young teenage girl clinging to Natsume as if her life would end if she let go, but her daughter didn't seem to hear her.

"You better run. Now." Ruka said stonily: _no one _messed with his friends, "I've called the police." Fear took hold in Yuka's eyes and she heard the sounds of her comrades fleeing under the tip-off.

"Mikan-chan?" she yelled one last time, but Mikan was glued to Natsume and it seemed as if nothing else existed to her any longer.

That was what she got, Yuka thought bitterly, for not being around her daughter as a mother should.

"Fine." She hissed as she scrambled to her feet and swung a leg out to kick at the dogs surrounding her, "you'll understand soon enough anyway you poor brat," she jumped past Ruka and bolted out the door, not even able to take one last look back at her child as she fled.

* * *

His blood stained her back, and hers in turn stained his; Mikan and Natsume held each other close in an embrace more pain than it was pleasure. Every shock and stab he'd experienced she felt, and now, _this close, _he felt _her feeling _it, and it became a kind of echo where they drove each other further and further into collapse.

_'It hurts… it hurts so much…' _she cried to him.

_'Sorry' _was the only thing he thought of, and then, _'But you came for me.'_

_'I'll always come for you, stupid' _she replied and he tightened his arms around her, feeling her fragile bone structure pressing against his aching body and the familiar scent of her skin surrounding him like a protecting aura.

_'Thank you.' _ He buckled and let out a small sob against her neck, and one of Mikan's hands instinctively rose and twisted through his hair soothingly.

_'There, there…' _she cooed, "there, there," her lips mimed. Ruka stood a meter or so back staring awkwardly at this intimate moment between his best friend and his crush, and wished that he could've felt _normal _about something: jealously, relief or anger… but instead he just felt like he _missed something, _although he still wanted to hold Mikan just like Natsume did now.

"It's all right now, Natsume," Mikan whispered as he stifled a thin line of moisture that just so _happened _to have come from his eyes spontaneously against the exposed skin of her neck, _'you're safe.'_

_'Not until we are away from here' _he insisted and hiccupped briefly, still refusing to accept the fact that he might've very possibly just _cried _on Mikan.

And for some strange reason, that didn't really bother him.

* * *

Lots of action in this baby (well by my standards, action/drama etc)

For fun facts, I had no intention of bringing Yuka into the story until this chapter, but I'm glad I did!

Reviews for making Natsume cry?


	11. Until the day I die

Another chapter monster'd out in a short space of time, if this seems a bit jumpy it's because I'm really concentrating on getting this _finished _rather than making it a complete perfected masterpiece, so forgive me for any crappyness you may encounter reading :D

Also I'm doing Na(tional)No(vel)Wri(ting)Mo(nth) in November, so I won't have the time to work on this, therefore don't expect any chapters in the month of November, however I assure y'all I do intend to come back to this.

So less chat, more action!

* * *

_'We aren't safe until we are out of here' _had been Natsume's message to Mikan right before he passed out – after all blood loss multiple head injuries and dislocated limbs hardly did well for the average sixteen-year-old boy, and Natsume was no exception.

"Natsume?" Mikan called him quietly; close enough to feel his breathing against her own chest, so she didn't really have to shout. However he didn't respond, so she tried to reach him on another level – _'Natsume?' _Still no response, and she began to panic as his weight became dead against her.

"Ruka!" She cried next, and this time he was at her side within a breath.

"Yes?" he rushed, dropping down to pull Natsume's weight away from her and paling at the sight of all the blood.

"He's out cold, we have to get him away from here," she said shakily and allowed Ruka to help the two of them to their feet, shouldering most of Natsume's weight himself and letting Mikan follow on tucked meekly under Natsume's other arm: although he never went on Academy missions Ruka was certainly in the right shape to do them – roughhousing with wild animals for his entire life built up just about every hardwearing muscle that existed, and although he never liked to make too fine a point of it he was actually stronger (and healthier) than Natsume _and _Mikan.

But he simply carried him and didn't think for a single second about how jealous he could be of Mikan sticking to Natsume like glue, only about both of their safety, even at risk to his own.

And there was enough of a risk, as straggling AAO members were still tearing down the building as the news passed that the police were on their way to this 'gangster's den', and any one of them with a weapon could recognise them as students and simply kill them in passing irritation.

Luckily, except for one incident where they all nearly fell down the stairs after Mikan trod on a tortoise who was a little late in on the action, they managed to get out of the building without getting shot or beaten, and falling into the night air Ruka pulled Natsume off Mikan, much to her protest and his hurt, and loaded him onto his back.

"Please Mikan," he begged, "we can get away much faster like this…" Mikan felt like a part of her skin was tearing off as she parted from Natsume, but she also registered how _hurt _Ruka sounded, and in spite of feeling like she wanted to burst into tears and just wait, sobbing, until her grandpa came to take her away from it all Mikan relented and let Ruka carry Natsume while she followed behind.

"Just until we are out of the way, okay?" he said tentatively and started to walk down the street, his arms holding Natsume onto his back with relative ease.

When they were 'out of the way' Ruka gently sat Natsume, who was still unconscious, on a bench and then walked to a phonebox to call for an ambulance – he'd have to be an idiot not to notice that both Natsume _and _Mikan needed medical care.

When he looked back at the bench Mikan was already curled up against Natsume, and had wrapped one arm against his slumping torso as she started at his closed eyelids and ran her fingers through his sweat-drenched hair, soft whispers on her lips as Ruka's heart tied itself in knots.

- _I must've been an idiot not to notice. _He thought to himself sadly as Mikan closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against Natsume's – _she's crazy about him. _He didn't remember her ever being so soft for Natsume before, and wondered when on earth it had happened, as he thought _they'd _been spending the most time together recently, what with Natsume having been in hiding for almost a week now.

But not once in that time they'd spent together had he ever seen her look at _him _like she was looking at Natsume now, and that was where his most heart-wrenching conflict lay, because he saw that look and _knew _how Natsume felt about her in return, and that simply wasn't fair on her… _he _would love her so much more than Natsume ever would.

So he'd decided he couldn't give up wanting her (this much, at least) just yet, because if she would only see Natsume's version of things then he'd be in with a chance... this time around.

However, at the time he just wanted them both alive, though, so when Mikan jerked her head back and Natsume opened his eyes with a sudden gasp it was relief he felt the strongest, although there was a pang of jealousy there as he saw Natsume move one of his bloodied hands to weakly grasp one of hers in thanks.

When they reached the hospital, this time he did not beg the staff to put them in beds next to each other.

* * *

Natsume woke up in a surprisingly small amount of pain, and as he recognised his surroundings upon opening his eyes he realized it was generally a _hospital's job _to stop pain. After missions that ended as badly as his most recent one he was getting used to opening his eyes and seeing Howalon puffs crawling across the ceiling and Ruka's face grafted on the body of his old pet usagi – some of those painkillers distorted reality just a _little_.

_'Mikan?' _he questioned internally, but didn't hear a response right away, and unlike Mikan he didn't seem to be able to do half the tricks she could with their Alice – like finding her or knowing when she was in pain or trouble.

"Oh, you're awake at last?" An echoing female voice said tenderly as he turned his head to the side and blinked, and when the lights all blurred and left blazing trails upon his movement he realized that perhaps he _had _been given more painkillers than he'd originally thought.

He looked at his arms and noticed he had bandages from his hands up to his elbows, and flexing his fingers he tried to look at the source of the voice.

But she came to him instead.

"Natsume…" she said softly, and Natsume had to rationalize to himself that there really _was _no way his sister could be here, however, that was whose face he saw when he peered up at the girl above him.

"Umm," he murmured fuzzily, trying to grasp for her and his hands flailing around like wet eels. He heard a girlish laugh and two hands caught his own and held them still.

"What on earth happened to you, love?" she said sweetly as she steered his hands down to the pillows and lowered her face over his. In retaliation Natsume zipped his throbbing arms up and clasped her face, holding her a breath away from him and tracing the contours of her lips with his own, just _feeling _and trying to work out what was going on_._

"Oh Natsume," she sighed and before he could straighten out his thoughts or consider _why _he was seeing Narumi-sensei's face before him all of a sudden she (or god forbid maybe even _he_) kissed him, and the tickly-warm feeling was just so that he found himself lost in it all too easily.

While at the door to the ward someone stumbled and slumped against the doorframe.

_'Bang!' 'Doki-doki-doki-doki-doki' _went Mikan's heart as she stepped through the doorway, and saw a form she had unwittingly come to fear leant over the bed she _knew _was Natsume's – _how did she get here? _She asked as her heart tried to beat itself out of her chest cavity – _why? How did she find out? _She had so many more questions had she so wished to pursue them, but the loud and terrifying beating of her heart had Mikan slightly more preoccupied and her head had started to spin.

"Ohhh, I'm sorry for" she mumbled and tried to back away as she raised her arms over her eyes; she had come here as soon as she'd been discharged from the hospital for her own injuries, but it seemed that she hadn't been fast enough, "I didn't mean to…"

"Oh. Mikan." Reira said coldly as she sat up and very obviously brushed her lips dry, while Natsume pulled a curious face and tried to reach for her long fair hair as it swayed. "I didn't know you were here."

_'Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki' _went Mikan's heart as Reira's words hit her like darts – hadn't they been _friends _not long ago? How had it all gone so wrong?

"I was just…" she muttered and blushed furiously, trying to work out which direction was _away_ as her head whirled, "didn't mean to…"

"Yes. Well maybe you could leave a boyfriend and girlfriend alone for a while, huh?" Reira said with equal venom, and Mikan's vision immediately honed in on Natsume, who had closed his eyes with a soft smile that gave away very little.

"Boyfrie-nd and?" Mikan spluttered and her _Doki Doki Doki _heart suddenly went _Doki Doki Doki-- _and she grabbed a sharp pain in her side as her head suddenly felt like it'd gained five pounds of weight.

"Is it so hard to believe?" Reira hissed proudly, not seeming to notice Mikan gasp and stumble hard into the wall, "surely you aren't surprised, after all, you did say you had _no _interest in him, right?"

_--do--ki—_Mikan's heart finally caught its wind again and resumed a now welcome pounding beat, as it was most definitely better than _none._

"Um…" she moaned as the stabbing pains subsided, but she felt like something was still very wrong in her body and wanted to lie down somewhere to rest, "I…"

"Mikan, I've tried to be nice, but I think you should _leave_," said Reira cruelly, and laid a hand passively over Natsume's gently raising and falling chest, "leave Natsume to his _girlfriend._"

_Doki Doki Doki--! Doki Doki _Went Mikan's heart as she somehow managed to crawl out of there without being pulled onto a stretcher.

"Bad…" she croaked to herself as she curled up on some waiting-area seats and took fragile, scared breaths, "really bad…"

* * *

When Natsume woke up he was no longer under the influence of the medication he'd been given while his stitches had been put in, so he now viewed the world as it was to the rest of the population. That scared him a little; especially as the first thing he saw was Reira craning over him like a vulture.

"Natsume!" she squealed and then zealously ducked in to give him a kiss on the mouth, "darling you're awake!" Natsume furrowed his brow and considered the word 'darling', particularly why Reira might be choosing to use it in reference to him… and it was then that he remembered…

_"… I did it… because I like you…no…" he said, "I love you. Go out with me."_

_"This is a joke isn't it!?" Reira screamed, and Natsume very nearly smiled, but he was brought down by the fact that he was about to f—king die._

_"It's not a joke, I just realized it at last… I love you," he repeated with an almost-smirk of silliness; feeling a kind of freedom at this ridiculous situation, "be my girlfriend?"_

That, in retrospect, had not been the most sensible of last actions; mostly because it hadn't been his last. So now he expected he had a girlfriend.

He also knew Reira wasn't (that) stupid, and wouldn't dare asking him if he _meant _those words until she was quite sure he wouldn't go back on them, which wouldn't be for a long while. She could guess all too easily that if she asked him if he _really _wanted to go out with her now he would say 'no' right away and she'd be down on her dream. She was a bit of an airhead, but she wasn't an idiot.

However what concerned Natsume the most right now was what had happened to his friends, as he had absolutely no idea how they managed to get to him or rescue him or whether they were hurt doing either: if something had happened to either of them then there'd be hell to pay…

"Natsume? You seem a little distant." Reira said softly, and he only shrugged, "where are Ruka and Mikan?" he demanded, and after a hesitation Reira simply said (lied) "I don't know."

"Well you should." He hissed suddenly, "they brought me to the hospital, didn't they? So they can't have gone far." Reira seemed hurt, and rolling his eyes Natsume decided to try a 'carrot and stick approach', "look," he said begrudgingly, "a _caring…_ _girlfriend… _would help me out and find them." Almost instantly she was on her feet and all too willingly to do his bidding, and within five minutes she had summoned Ruka to the room.

"Natsume!" he cried, "you're awake!"

"Yeah," he said weakly, "where's the blockhead?"

"Mikan? I thought she was already here? She said she was coming here as soon as she got discharged." He said worriedly, and they both foolishly missed Reira's look of guilt.

"Hm, I'll get her later then I guess…" Natsume said dryly, and then started to talkto Ruka as if Reira was not there at all, "so… how the _hell _did you manage to get me, huh?" Ruka smiled from ear to ear and suddenly threw a hug around his best friend.

"It was all Mikan really," he doted, "she called me, she was in a pretty bad state, but she convinced me you were _worse _and we just _took_ _off_, I couldn't believe she managed to find the place but she must've had some kind of a hint, right?"

_Right. _Thought Natsume guiltily – _what a hint huh? A full-blooded Alice…_

"We weren't sure if that was the place at first, but a man came out the front and took some kinda parcel off a shady looking guy who ran up, and we heard enough to convince us this was the place. Then I noticed the sign," he said with a proud grin, "and from there it was easy."

Natsume remembered the animals from the pet shop, and thought to himself darkly just _how good _Ruka would be on missions – not only did he have an Alice for it but he was in twice as good shape as he was… that was exactly why he'd tried so _damn hard _to keep him away from them. He knew that if Ruka was started on missions he would only end up like him, and he couldn't bear to see that happen.

He'd always tried the same for Mikan, but she'd messed _that one _up a fateful week and a few days ago, when the Academy had been forced to call a large-scale operation to get back those hostages.

"Hn," he hummed as he listened, "and you carried me?"

"All the way to the phonebox," Ruka answered, "the ambulance took over from there; you're lighter than you used to be, have you lost weight?"

"Probably," answered Natsume, "I lived in a library for a week, my habits got a bit crazy." He looked at his best friend in the whole world and smiled, if he didn't have _this, _then he had nothing, he thought to himself, and very quietly mouthed the words, "thank you," to Ruka, who merely smiled and squeezed Natsume's arm for just a moment.

_Why _girls had to get in between all this was an irritating mystery to Natsume, as Mikan was problem enough with Ruka crushing on her and if Yuka was right (and he begged for her not to be) and Mikan being a bit loopy for _himself… _and then there was _Reira _who hated _Mikan _and _Ruka _hated Reira as much as he tried to hide it and…

He concluded that girls were nothing but trouble, and although this was in no way a new addition to his book of philosophies he felt it couldn't have been any more relevant than it had now. It was almost annoying that he was (quite comfortably and firmly, thank-you-very-much) straight.

_'Hey Natsumee…' _Mikan's voice rang out in his head all of a sudden, and in surprise Natsume responded out loud.

"What?" he said.

"What?" said Ruka and Reira.

"Oh! Um, nothing…" He rushed and then tried to respond on a more internal level, _'Mikan?'_

_'Hey Natsume! You're awake!'_

_'Obviously.'_

_'Oh, yes, of course.'_

_'Where are you then?'_

_'Huh? Oh… I'm around…'_

_'Why aren't you here?'_

_'…Should I be?'_

_'Well I nearly died yet again and you don't even have the decency to come and see me, knowing you you're probably stuffing your face in the cafeteria.'_

_'I am not!'_

_'I'm sure.'_

_'How can you still be a jerk when we aren't even together?!' _she didn't realise it but that comment startled Natsume just a little, as he was now technically 'together' with someone else, and he was simply uncomfortably with this new step he'd made… by mistake.

_'Look, Ruka's here too, so come over, we need to spend time together when one of us isn't unconscious.'_

_'That was you crybaby.'_

_'Crybaby! Look that was definitely not…'_

"Natsume?" Reira probed suspiciously.

"I wasn't crying!" Natsume hissed out of the blue, and both Reira and Ruka adopted rather puzzled looks.

"I… didn't say you were…" She said, "but you'd spaced out. I was wondering if…"

_'Is Reira-chan still there?'_

"…you had something on your mind."

"No, uh, I'm fine." He said warily.

_'Does that matter?'_

"Well, good, I worry about you, I mean, how could you be so stupid to go out driving at night and get into a car accident, neh? You must be grateful…"

_'She doesn't like me.'_

_'So?'_

"…that Nogi-kun had the sense to check if you were okay, though I…"

_'I don't want to intrude on you and your girlfriend.'_

"…don't know why you decided to call me when you were in…"

_'How do you know about that?!'_

"…an accident for heaven's sake, I mean did you think you might die or something? I know they say near-death experiences but…"

_'So it's true then?'_

_'How do you know?!'_

_'Natsume, we are having a conversation and I am lying on a bench in another room. Guess how I know.'_

"…it seems a bit extreme in a real situation and…"

_'She told you didn't she?'_

_'…'_

_'Mikan?'_

_'Boasted, more like.'_

"…really I'm just glad you're okay… but now you're…"

_'Mikan? Look don't let her get to you, so I might be going out with her, there's no way I'm going to suddenly change everything in my life, yeah? So just come over here, Ruka will be really glad to see you, and two people wanting you outweighs one silly girl easily.'_

"…spacing out again and not even listening to…"

_'You should be nicer to her if she's really your girlfriend, she's a nice person really. And okay, I'm coming.'_

"…me and it's annoying so EARTH TO NATSUME!" Natsume jumped and looked at Reira in fright, as if he was genuinely surprised to see her there.

"Sorry were you talking?" he said perfectly innocently, but it came off much crueller than he intended, and Ruka laughed behind his hand. Reira frosted up, and practically grew icicles when Mikan arrived and she, Ruka and Natsume had a sunny moment of 'hey Natsume nearly died but he's okay thanks to us!' just like old times.

"Hey, lets go somewhere," Natsume said all of a sudden, and then feeling Reira bristle had a genius thought and shot Ruka a cheeky glance, "the four of us."

_'Aw' _he heard Mikan think, but only cocked an eyebrow at her face to face and challenged her to say something.

"What, like a double date?" Reira squealed happily, "It is Sunday and I know this place in Central town that…" Reira was cut off by all three of them laughing.

"Central town?" Ruka echoed scathingly, "that's boring."

"He's right," Natsume agreed, "we are even outside the Academy already, so we don't even have to break out."

"Or not break out, if we listen to any of Natsume's ideas," Mikan jeered, and he only glared playfully.

"Like you get better ones," he retorted, and Ruka chuckled and gently intervened between the bickering two.

"So where should we go?" he questioned as he gave Mikan doting, hopeful looks, "Mikan?"

"Um, well, I'm not sure…" she said hesitantly, as she realised what the implications might be of the words 'double date' – sure, she liked Natsume just a little massive bit, but then again… perhaps this would be for the best? Right? If she could like Ruka then all their problems would be solved...

* * *

However, in the end (and actually to Mikan's relief) they didn't go anywhere because Reira wouldn't let Natsume just walk out of the hospital and disappear, and by the time they'd got a discharge the car she'd taken out from the Academy had returned to take them back to school. She had also never been on illegal break-outs before, so was a hindering factor to the more free-wheeling Natsume, Ruka and Mikan combination, who'd done it all many times before.

However, neither Natsume or Reira would drop the subject of 'double dating' after that day, as it served all of their paranoid purposes, and so a few days later Mikan and to a lesser extent Ruka were bullied into coming on a 'date' to Central town with them.

They only went to a park and ate special bento boxes they bought from a supermarket, but even though Mikan tried really hard to copy the sort of things Reira did with Natsume, and be nice and flirty and attractive like _she was,_ she just ended up feeling really awkward and embarrassed… and the fact that that happened when they got too lovey-dovey made it hard for her to relax with Ruka.

As well as the fact that she hadn't slept well for days, as with an official girlfriend installed Natsume had obviously stopped paying his late-night visits. Little known to her he was surviving on a cunning blend of sleeping pills for the night and caffeine pills for the day, and by that Wednesday it had started to show in that he kept twitching and getting the names Reira and Ruka mixed up.

As they had both (to their own disappointment) expected, Mikan and Ruka's side of the 'date' did not have the same kind of romantic quality as Natsume and Reira's. Even though they'd _wanted _it to go well… somehow it all ended up being forced and awkward.

"This hasn't really gone well has it?" Mumbled Ruka bashfully towards the end of the evening, as Reira stole away with a semi-willing Natsume to 'go for a walk' under a bush somewhere.

_Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki_

"No, it's me…I'm a terrible date," she forced a laugh, "I'm always me, you know? This whole thing has just been awkward… it's my fault. I'm not a proper gir-"

"No, of course it isn't your fault!" He protested sweetly and reached out his arm to rest a hand on her shoulder.

_Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki_

"It's me." He said, "I said okay to this because I didn't want to make Natsume leave _her _out, and…" he suddenly went very red and Mikan's already hardworking heart started doing triple-time, "…we are best friends, so it's bound to be a bit weird at first! But… you know…I do like you, Mikan." He breathed like he'd been forgetting to for the past five minutes and went rather red, "a lot."

_Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki Doki_

"O" Mikan made an 'o' shape with her lips and felt the wind leaving her lungs; she was pretty bad at expecting things like this and had been so _concentrated _on liking Ruka to keep her mind off Natsume that she didn't ever notice whether he liked her back or not. Obviously he did. But she was just so used to them being friends that she didn't know how to get out of that mode… she wasn't sure if there _was _an out of that mode.

"Ruka, I…" she started, when suddenly _Doki Doki Doki_ went _Doki Doki --! _And she started to hyperventilate and her arms began to shake with the pain. She'd been tolerating this for several days now, and it had become almost a background discomfort, but it was still enough to stop her in her tracks when her heartbeat started stuttering… she could also tell this was going to be a bad fit, as she _knew _what Natsume was up to.

"Mikan? Mikan?!" Ruka grabbed her other shoulder when he saw her tensing up and pulled her close to him, "are you okay? What's wrong?" Mikan's hand twisted up into a fist in the material of Ruka's shirt and she winced as she tried to ride out the horrible painful sensation tearing through her chest.

"…Hurts…" she bit, and resisted the urge to call for Natsume.

"What? Where? Why?" he rushed and cradled her close to him,

_Doki Doki……. Doki Doki…. Doki………… Doki…. Doki Doki…._

"…It's too much," she panted as tears crowded the corner of her eyes and Ruka began to panic even more, "I can't take any more…" she let out one sob and buried her face in Ruka's stomach, weeping even harder when she failed to feel as comforted as she did just being smiled at by Natsume, and all the while her heart felt like it was going to tear itself to pieces.

"Mikan? Why? What's wrong?" Ruka distressed, and had to crane his head down to hear the broken whisper of 'get Natsume' in his ear.

If this was Natsume's doing then he'd have to answer for it, Ruka steamed, and standing up bellowed through the park **"Oi! Natsume!"** loud enough to wake the dead. Not long after the boy in question reappeared a little sour and grumpy while Reira tried to subtly pick the leaves out of her hair.

"What?" he questioned dully: he didn't see the point in having a girl at all if he was going to be interrupted as soon as he tried to get anywhere with her.

_Doki Doki……………………………………………._

"Mikan's sick," Ruka said accusingly and tried to ignore Reira coughing in a way that sounded suspiciously like the word 'bullshit', but Natsume only had to look at Mikan curled up in a foetal position on the ground to realise something was going wrong.

'Oi! Mikan!' he called to her as he skidded on his knees onto the ground next to her, and then when he didn't get a response while his pulse started to race and hands shake, he tried desperately to wake her.

"Mikan!"'_ Mikan!'_ "Mikan!!_" 'Mikan!!"_ "Wake up!" '_Can you hear me?!'_

Somewhere else entirely, Mikan felt as if she was falling.

* * *

I'll try not to leave this over November on such a cliffhanger O.o but no promises. Mikan's in it _baaaaaad._

'Doki' is the japanese expression for a heartbeat sound, I prefer it to 'ba-dum' or such.

Leave a review please! Even a few words are welcome, just a couple of words/lines letting me know what you like/dislike, whether you think the characters are in-character, whether the plot is transparent or interesting and if you feel any cliches blaring out to you, just let me know! (K?)


	12. Everything can go

It's the first day of NaNoWriMo!!! I shouldn't be here, however, I was about 500 words short on this and I just _couldn't _leave Mikan like that for a whole month on you loyal readers, so I managed to get my quota done _and _finish this off. My schoolwork may be failing but at least I can write, right?

So heads up, this is it until _December, _but we are getting closer to the finish and I can almost smell it :P there will be more, but only after I churl out 50k of Aurikku.

Anyway, I'm a bit sleep deprived right now so if this goes odd blame distraction, now enjoy!

* * *

Swinging doors burst open and the deprived and failing body of Mikan Sakura was wheeled frantically through the corridors of the Alice Academy's private A&E centre, where doors after doors were butted open and nurses shouted incomprehensible medical jargon at one another.

In the lobby three teenagers sat nervously in the guests waiting area with vacant expressions. Ruka could only think one thing, which went around and around in his head like a stuck record _'itmusthavebeenmyfault'_, he tried to think of how he might've been able to stop this happening to her – the things he could've done to save her… called an ambulance quicker, noticed how washed-out and tired she looked, how her hands shook a little when she passed a bottle to him, asked her if she was feeling okay, not let Natsume push them into going out in the first place… not been so concentrated on going on a date with the girl he liked and actually thought about _her_. The list went on and the imaginary charges piled up against him.

He felt guilty, wholly and irrepressibly guilty, because he had this idea that his role as a friend (and maybe even boyfriend) was to stop bad things happening to the people he loved… and this, was to put it quite bluntly, a total f—k up.

However, perhaps on the same train as Ruka was Reira, who had the horror of having snubbed Mikan, acted like she was just acting up to get Natsume to pay attention to her, and generally assumed she was being a manipulative bitch, in spite of what she knew about her. She assumed the worst of her, and now Mikan could _die_.

She didn't realize she was crying until Ruka touched her shoulder very lightly and asked if she was okay, and Reira turned to look at him and felt the hot tears spill out of her eyes and run down her cheeks.

"It wasn't your fault." Ruka said softly, thinking – _it's mine_, all the while and with a hesitant look at Natsume, who was a thousand miles away, put his hand a little more comfortingly on Reira's shoulder. He didn't _like _the girl, but he never wished for her to be sad.

"I…guess…" Reira sniffed as she took a tissue out of her bag and started to daub at her eyes, "I…I just feel terrible." Ruka looked a little confused so she added a little more, "because… I thought she was faking." She said heavily, "and I was so stupid and thought she was faking because… but she wasn't… she was really sick but she didn't tell any of us." She spoke faster and faster and eventually hunched over with a single, loud sob.

"Why didn't she say anything!" Reira cried; moment of realization incurred and now seeing how self-obsessed she had been about herself and Natsume, and how horrible she had been to Mikan in the process.

"Mikan never would," Ruka murmured flatly, and patted Reira's back once and then withdrew his hand, "it's not her."

"Mhm, you're right," she whimpered, and although Ruka had to bite back the words – _of course I'm right I know her far better than you_, he kept a straight face, "Mikan is a really good person, isn't she?"

"Mikan is…" Ruka started, but found he had _no words _to describe her, "… _loveable_." He settled for, and chanced another look at Natsume, who still sat on the end of the seat with his mind obviously not there with them.

"You are a good person too, Nogi-kun," Reira said as she calmed down a little, "I've been so horrible, and worried about nothing. You'll… go out with her, won't you?" She questioned, and although a blush stained his cheeks Ruka nodded, "that's good. You two will be good together, and you'll look after her too?" again Ruka nodded as words couldn't find a place in his mouth.

"I need to apologise to her…" Reira sighed, "I've behaved so terribly, but, people…" she hesitated, "in _love_ do stupid things without realising…" she looked across at Natsume, but it was as if he hadn't heard her at all.

"Natsume?" Ruka called curiously, and then just afterwards Reira copied him.

"Natsume?" They questioned, but Natsume was as good as on another planet.

Natsume was trying to picture a future, or indeed any time, in which there was _no Mikan_. He couldn't. He simply couldn't.

It wasn't even that he thought he'd be so lost or sad or something that he 'wouldn't be able to go on', he simply couldn't visualise time where she wasn't there, it was like a processing error.

_'Mikan you idiot.' _He cursed to himself, _'why didn't you say something?!'_

_'…ha' _he heard a faint, very faint, noise and all of a sudden jerked like he'd been electrified.

_'Mikan!' _"Mikan!" he shouted, and Reira and Ruka's looks went from curious to suspicious, _'Oi Mikan are you there?!' _he screamed desperately into his Alice.

_'That's…' _she sounded out like a very quiet echo through a long tunnel, _'ironic…coming' _he clung to each word and hoped desperately that if their Alice was reacting then she _must _be getting better – or at least she was still alive.

_'From you.' _She clipped off the last word and Natsume's body suddenly went cold, and he was filled with a horrible feeling of losing something.

But he _couldn't _lose her. He just _couldn't_.

"I'm going to get them to tell me how she's doing." Natsume said stonily and stood up, but Ruka caught him by the sleeve and stopped him.

"No, let me," he said desperately, "why don't you stay and look after Reira?" Natusme glanced at Reira, who was still teary-eyed and looked at him dolefully.

"_She_ isn't dying." Natsume hissed shortly, and stated to walk off without either of them.

"Natsume!" Reira called after him as her heart wrenched and all her fears and paranoia's returned tenfold, "You could at least _pretend _you give half a damn about me!" Natsume stopped dead, and held his position for a second without turning around or moving a muscle.

"No." he said icily, "I couldn't." and then he strode away.

* * *

However, he didn't go to Mikan's ward, unlike her he still couldn't _find _her with their Alice, and it irritated him just a little that she was stronger with it than he was. Instead he walked around the hospital and tried to calm down and convince himself that Mikan was going to pull through: this had never happened to him before, that she'd been badly ill whilst he'd been okay, and it was a frighteningly new experience to him because he was just so _used _to being the one at death's door and having other people worry.

Natsume was still pacing the ward when Mikan regained consciousness, her heart shocked back into life and pulse measured onto the hospital equipment. So it wasn't Natsume she saw first, or even Ruka, as he'd stepped out for a minute to look for Natsume, it was Reira.

"Mikan-chan?" she whispered as Mikan groggily opened her eyes and looked up at her visitor.

"R-Reira-senpai?" she said curiously, and noticed the tears on her senpai's cheeks, "why are you crying?" Reira sniffed and then lurched forwards to pull Mikan into a hug.

"I'm so sorry Mikan!" she whimpered, "I didn't realize… I was just… oh I'm sorry!" Mikan sighed and a weak smile crossed her face as Reira hugged her – she'd _hated _not being friends with Reira, and perhaps now things could start going the right way…

"What? She's…? Just now!" Mikan heard a voice outside the door and not one moment later Ruka burst in looking like he might want to start crying and hug her too.

"Mikan!" Ruka gushed and as Reira backed off he swooped in, clinging to her clothes and staring at her adoringly, "we were so worried about you," he whispered, and Mikan was suddenly aware of Reira slipping away and closing the door behind her, and also of the way Ruka was sinking to her level and boring into her with those loving eyes.

"I'm… well I didn't… mean to…" she whispered and felt Ruka's fingers curling around one of her hands.

"It won't happen again," he said, and leaning in so close she could feel his breath on her skin, but all the while she just wanted him to _go away _as horrible as it sounded, because he was one her best friends but she only wanted to be shot of him when he was like _this_…. "I'll make sure it won't."

"Ruka, you-"

"I'll look after you Mikan," he breathed and twitched into her very quickly and brushed his mouth against her cheek, and she felt all too heavily the weight of those words – _he's confessing, _she thought in frustration, making sure to keep her thoughts shut off from Natsume: he had yet to realise she could hold her thoughts from him in the same way she could share them, and she didn't want him to know she didn't _want _this. Because she knew _he_ did. Everyone did! If she played along with this it would be the best solution for everyone…and Mikan was sure she'd get used to it eventually.

She smiled at Ruka and forced a hand to touch her fingers against his cheek.

"Thank you." She lied, and then fell unconsciousness again, as she'd overexerted herself in those few movements with the addition of the mental and emotional stress she was putting herself through.

* * *

When she woke again it was by a nurse, who told her her friends had been sent home as they were tiring her out and in her condition she should really just try to rest. She wanted to tell the nurse she hadn't _rested _for about four days now but couldn't see the point, and started picking the pain off the sides of her hospital bed with a listless and exhausted air.

After a little while a doctor came in and explained what had happened to her; as far as they thought she had started experiencing arrythmia – heartbeat irregularities, for some reason as they had yet to find a cause of (Mikan could easily think of one) and combined with her reported insomnia this had put her body in a very stressed condition, worsening the heart murmurs until it had finally kicked out: not something it was supposed to do on a teenager but according to tests she hadn't suffered any permanent damage to the heart or brain.

"We'll keep you in for a few days," they told her, "so you can rest, if you still have trouble sleeping we can give you some medication, but you are lucky to be recovering very well." She refused to take any pills to make her sleep – she knew those things could mess you up – and instead started reading a book brought round on a mobile library. Now she'd stopped sleeping she had much more time on her hands for things like this.

It was about 2am when Mikan was on the last chapter of her book; her eyes were strained and sore, but not tired, as unsurprisingly she still couldn't fall asleep, and the fact that she'd managed to 'rest' by being unconscious meant she wasn't as burnt out as she'd been earlier in the day.

Ruka had come to visit her briefly in the evening, but only him, and he'd tried to imply that he wanted her to officially be his girlfriend and she, in spite of resenting herself for it, pretended not to pick up on it and then even pretended to fall asleep so he wouldn't press the matter too hard.

Sure, she wanted Ruka to be her friend and look after her, but only as she might be _his _friend and look after _him _–she didn't _like like _him … though she was prepared to eventually play the part once she was better. Once she was better. She wouldn't have any other choice.

At a quarter to three Mikan finished the book and let it fall from her hands to the floor, and she rubbed her hand over her aching eyes, not surprised to feel them watering and wet.

However, what she didn't expect was for the water to fall so freely, nor for her chest to start heaving and guilt-ridden thoughts of Ruka to start tormenting her as she wondered how things had managed to end up in this horrible way? She usually managed to get everything right, make everyone happy and stop anyone from suffering, but this time it seemed she couldn't please everyone… they were all happy, but now _she_ wasn't.

The watering eyes were tears, and her quiet breath sobs, and Mikan cried as her eyeballs burnt and she asked herself why things had gone so desperately wrong. Ruka had talked vaguely about them 'not being kids anymore' and 'moving to the next stage' and 'natural progressions' as he stroked her hair and smiled in a way that still warmed her heart even though at the same time it was killing it, but she wanted to know _why _they had to do that? _Why _should it be the next stage for them to go out from being friends, just because they were a boy and a girl? Him and Natsume certainly weren't going to go out as the 'next stage' of being friends, were they?

Mikan let out a broken cry and rolled onto her side, the tears running hot down her face and her nose dripping as she realized just how much she didn't want this. How much she wanted to be back where they were _before it all_, where Natsume was just a jerk and a friend who couldn't really hurt her and Ruka was her sweetest friend ever and Hotaru wasn't away all the time: those were the best days, and she missed them all to much now.

She was too wrapped up in her crying to hear the muffled footprints on the hallway outside, nor hear the quiet squeak of the door opening and the figure slipping inside; but she heard him all too clearly when he coughed and then spoke to her.

"Why the tears, doughnut-brain?" he said softly, and with an unattractive gasp Mikan jerked her face up to look at him.

"W-w-w-w-w-" she stuttered through her tears, and then switched to the inside track so she wouldn't have to make embarrassing sounds, _'what are you doing here?' _

Natsume wondered with a scowl how it was that Mikan could reach him so _easily _when he tried so hard to get to her and barely ever made it – _why _was the Alice so much stronger on her? Wasn't he the more powerful one?

"Why are you crying?" he asked again and took a casual step towards her, "is something wrong?"

_'No,' _she lied, _'not at all.'_

"You shouldn't lie, it doesn't suit you." He replied and reached the end of the bed, and then he slowly raised a hand and laid it over his heard. "My… chest hurt a bit today, does it have something to do with the Alice?" he asked suspiciously.

_'You have no idea…' _she thought unfiltered and Natsume pounced on it straight away.

"You know, don't you? You know something." He stated and stepped around the bed to stand by her forward-facing side, and then in a moment of kindness reached out an arm to wipe some of the tears from her cheek. She pulled back immediately and a frown crossed Natsume's face. "What?" he questioned, "why did you do that."

_'If you get too close…' _she thought as she squeezed her eyes shut and more tears were forced out of them , _'it'll just be even worse when you go away.' _

_'Shit.' _Thought Natsume as he heard her words and saw her tears and _recognised _them as something he'd done to girls before. "So she was right?"

"W-w-what? W-w-w-who?" Asked Mikan feebly, and try as she might to protest Natsume shoved her over in bed (_not_ running like the wind as she thought he would when he learnt of her feelings for him), and sat down next to her; pulling her against his side and chest, and she pressed her face into his skin and muscle-lined ribs and breathed him in deeply: comfort and safety flowing around her tense and twisted limbs.

"Your ma," he said stiffly, "I…uh… had a _chat_ with her recently…"

"What do you mean!" she said louder, and closer to her usual register, "you saw my mom?!"

"So did you." He replied bluntly, "you just didn't notice at the time."

"What? When?" she cried in confusing, tightening her fingers in his jumper and pulling herself up to look at his face.

"When you came for me," he explained, "on the weekend when I… uh…she was the woman you saw about to… well," _'kill me.' _Mikan went very still as his words sunk in and she realized what had happened at the weekend.

"Oh…" she whispered, and then her hands knotted into fists and she pushed herself up off Natsume's torso, "why didn't you say anything before! You could've-!" she shouted at him and he quickly hushed her with a finger on her lips.

"I'm not supposed to be here," he scolded, "do you want to wake the whole ward up?"

"Then why did you come?!" She yelled, "you've got better places to be haven't you, rather than tormenting me!" Like it or not that _was _what it was to her: torment. Natsume _had _a girlfriend and he _didn't _like her and his being her and holding her like this was what she wanted so much but only having it like this was the worst thing of all.

"I've got _nowhere_ better to be." He hissed and then grabbed her wobbling shoulders, "so keep it down and remember you're sick. If I didn't feel like it I wouldn't come here." He glared at her and then shifted over in her direction to bump his waist into hers and pull her onto his side again.

"There's no point covering it up now, she was right about you…" he remarked with a sigh as he felt Mikan's unwilling melt into his body.

_'My mom?' _she asked faintly.

"Yeah, she… she said that…" he hated these sorts of moments, he really hated them: that's why he first confessed in a mask for heaven's sake. "She said you l-… _liked_ me." He let out an anxious breath, "for years she said. Even if she wasn't right about the years thing she's right now, isn't she?" He looked down at the top of her head and even though it was what he was expecting he felt a cold shot down his spine as she nodded ever-so subtly.

_'I'm sorry.' _She whispered and Natsume heaved a sigh.

"Don't be." _'you can't control who you like.'_

_'But it makes things so awkward… with Ruka now and Reira-senpai and….'_

"What's Ruka done?"

_'He wants me to be his girlfriend…h-he says he'll always look after me.'_

Natsume tried to ignore the tight feeling in his chest at her words.

_'And how do you feel about that?' _he tested gingerly.

_'I just want to go back to when we were friends.' _He felt warm dampness against his skin and knew she'd started crying again.

_'Does the Alice have something to do with it?' _he asked again, and felt her nodding in reply. _'Is that why my chest hurt?'_

_'And mine.' _She added, and with a horrible freezing sensation Natsume put together two more pieces of the puzzle.

"You mean all _this?_" he rushed in horror and gestured to the equipment still running her heart, which only worsened when she nodded yet again.

'They say I had ar-ar-arrythmia… your heart starts missing beats and acting funny… just that since you and Reira started going out for real…'

"You…" Natsume interrupted icily, "don't tell me… you had a _broken heart?"_

_'That's a funny way of putting it.' _Mikan lifted a hand to cling to his jumper and burrowed her face further into his side, _'but… maybe… it fits.'_

"When does it happen?!" he demanded, and Mikan sighed tiredly and yawned a little as her requirement to sleep set in on her, and she basked in the feeling of Natsume _knowing _she liked him and not running away from her; something she'd thought would never happen.

_'When you… touch…and, um, things… with Reira-senpai…' _she told him slowly, as she started to drift off to sleep.

_'Wait! Wait, so if **I** touch other people…'_

_'Not other people, just Reira-senpai… though maybe if there was another girl you liked that might be the same.' _She corrected him, while feeling the relief only letting go of a big secret can give a person.

_'So… if you were with Ruka then…' _Natsume started carefully.

_'Didn't you say you hurt today?' _She supplied, _'you felt it, right? Well we…'_

Suddenly the little jabs and pricks he'd felt whenever Ruka said he was going in to visit Mikan made sense, and Natsume cursed himself for being so thick as to not notice this… and not to realize he was putting Mikan in pain by chasing after another girl. How would that ever work out now? Could he kill her if he went far enough?

_'I… I did…. Mikan, I'm sor-' _he started, but didn't bother to finish as she was already fast asleep, a smile that he hadn't seen for quite a while on her sleeping face.

* * *

The next time Natsume got up, he wasn't awake, if that made any sense. Although he was in the place he _should've_ woken up: a hospital bed.

The only difference was Mikan was no longer there, as she was also up without being awake, and in fact stood at the end of the bed with a giant oversized syringe in both of her hands. This was a compliment to the nurse's outfit she also wore.

"…So…" Natsume started jokingly, "is this your fantasy or mine?" Mikan blushed even though it was a dream, as their shared dreams could become frighteningly close to life like this at times, and awkwardly she answered him.

"Um… mine, isn't it?" she confessed, and Natsume nodded with a smirk.

"_All _the dreams when we are sleeping together have been yours, haven't they?" he went on teasingly, having finally worked out why he'd dreamt of having sex with Mikan, because he'd just _known _it wasn't him.

She nodded again.

"I'm not so sure about that needle though," he added, and then with a cursory glance at her outfit, "or that dress, it seems entirely too realistic to me."

"Huh?" said Mikan in confusion, and by power of Natsume's consciousness within the dream her dress suddenly became about five sizes smaller and lacy in several parts, at which she shrieked, "you pervert!" upon looking down at herself.

"Remind me whose idea this was in the first place?" he taunted in response, and Mikan went even redder, "that outfit is just for your education into naughty nursing, I'm not turned on by you whatever you're wearing." Mikan didn't know whether to be more outraged by his apparent acquaintance with 'naughty nursing' or the fact that he said she didn't turn him on. Was she really _that _unattractive?

"Just shut up," she muttered, as the syringe became a bowl of warm water with a sponge in it.

"Time for my sponge bath?" he remarked dryly and by machinations almost not her own Mikan approached the bedside and pressed the wet sponge against his shoulder.

"You are hijacking my dream…" she murmured in horror as Natsume willed her to further embarrass herself by washing his now suddenly bare chest by hand. She got him back by making a point of rubbing over his scars – mostly the bullet hole she'd discovered a week or so ago and a few stab wounds; they were nothing special but she knew he didn't like them because of the memories they were associated with.

"It's actually quite nice," he commented innocently after a little while, as Mikan bathed him in warm imaginary water with a mixture of attraction and disgust (with herself).

"I'm not doing it in real life," she snapped, and he looked falsely disappointed for a moment. Her hands stopped after she'd finished washing his chest and lingered on his stomach, just above the line of the sheet on his waist.

"You can fantasise, Mikan," he says all too seriously now, as her hands become incapable of moving below waist and onto what must _obviously _lie there, "but you don't really know a thing about this kind of stuff. Have you ever seen a guy naked?" she looked down and mumbled that no, she hadn't of course.

"You haven't even kissed a boy since me." He continued cruelly, and he _knew _he was right because he knew her; he slowly drew up one of his legs and watched her watching what was covered by the sheet, her hands still fixed just above it even though she was obviously struggling to move away.

"You haven't ever _touched _a guy like that." he taunted further, as he made it seem like an unreasonable thing for her not to have done even though she was only a young sixteen.

"Stop it, Natsume," she said sadly, "I'm… sorry, if that's what you want, but just stop _please,_" he paused as if to think over her request, and then moodily pushed her hands away from him and turned over; in real life falling out of bed and onto the hard floor with a loud 'thunk'.

"Ow!" he yelped as he fell off the bed and was woken up by a gently floor smashing into his face, and Mikan bolted up behind him and immediately felt a bolt of shame and disgust for that dream they'd been having.

"Natsume, are you all right?" she asked awkwardly, and as he stood up and righted himself she couldn't help but snigger a bit at his dishevelled appearance or scowl.

"Don't see what you find so funny," he hissed vindictively, "I meant _every word of it,_" Mikan's smile cracked apart into a blank shade of hurt, as she knew what he was talking about all too easily, and pulled up the blankets on her bed as she looked away from Natsume – looking at him too long might make her say something stupid or burst into tears or something.

Was liking someone always this hard? Or was it just Natsume?

"Hey," Natsume retreated a little when he saw just how much he'd hurt her and how easily it was done – by becoming bonded to someone he was slowly having to learn how much he hurt people when he said things like that, "Don't get so down, I… I'll break up with _her._" Mikan looked back to him hopefully and he hesitated and panicked.

"N-not to say I'll go out with you!" he rushed, "I told you how I…well you know," he was still incapable of talking about how he _felt_, "but, well… I don't want her anymore, not at this price. Ok?" Mikan didn't hide her elation at being more important to Natsume than Reira in that moment, even though she realized she was being a horrible person to think like that, and she smiled and released a heavy worry-ridden breath.

"Natsume, I…" she started.

"I'm going to go now," he interrupted, and acted like he didn't notice her face fall, "in case anyone comes by, but I'll be around again, alright? We'll get to the bottom of this thing… so, uh, bye." He said encouragingly, and this bought him enough sympathy to be able to leave the room without Mikan getting too happy or sad or _anything_

Because in reality, he just needed time away from everyone, including her, to _sort his goddamn head out._

(Information overload. Information overload.)

* * *

Well here I leave you for a whole month, so please leave a review to span the cold month of November and I'll be right back at'cha in December.

I've also got post-NaNo another trashy as _hell _Natsume/Mikan planned and a section of written, which is pure garbage in terms of plot and setup, but I'm hoping that if I make the characters 3D and interaction not totally crap then I can pull it off without losing my soul to the failure-fairy.

Ciao for now! Review to wish me good luck on NaNoWriMo! :P


	13. Breakin' Dishes

Oh my god! She finished it!! :P The chapter that is. I will do _one _and _one _more chapter to this story, and then it ends for good, I'm afraid.

I hope no one died of old age waiting for the update, and I want to send hugs and kisses out to everyone who has supported me on this journey, and to pimp out my new Natsume/Mikan story 'Armor Ultio Est' (a fiery AU with a popular/geek theme as well as some heavier issues and a lot of healthy teenage realism)

That said, let's get this baby off the ground!

* * *

Natsume needed time to think. Badly.

He left the hospital, after not being able to look at a nurse straight (for obvious reasons), and simply because of the overload of information on his one-track mind. He was being forced to remember how to think of others before himself – in the past few years he'd got into the habit of thinking only about himself, because he had his friend's constant assurance that they could look after themselves fine, and _he _should just be happy any way he could. He was the one with the problems, and he'd been fooled into thinking the world revolved around him.

They'd encouraged him so much that he had plunged head first into cycles of shallow pleasure-seeking, and he'd forgotten how to put someone else's welfare before his.

That's what he got for being depressed for so long, and getting 'too much' love and support from his friends. But now he wasn't sure he'd moved in a good direction since that time – not if one of his best friend's nearly died because he wasn't smart enough to work out he was hurting her for his own lust.

Mikan…

He scowled to himself as he paced out of the hospital, and then got into his car. It was practically his now, he hadn't taken it back in so long Persona had stopped asking about it: he was just expected not to get caught.

How could Mikan not _say _anything, he wondered, and how had things become so twisted so quickly? For a moment he thought about how _easy _things could be if he got together with Mikan, but then he dismissed the thought, because as he'd told himself time and time again he _didn't _find her attractive so he wouldn't be able to be with her.

At least, that was what he had told himself, and the very fact that he'd drilled it into his own mind so thoroughly made him wonder if it was really true, or if he'd just pulled one over on his subconscious. He probably had _some _part to play in the dreams with sexual aspects, even if he denied it to her face – after all, he was the one with the experience to create them.

He'd said to her he would end it with Reira, and he _meant_ it; thinking back now to all the time they spent together. Knowing that he was physically hurting Mikan for every bit of pleasure he gained tainted the whole experience permanently, and he knew that things wouldn't ever have been the same with her.

Now he had an excuse he felt every other irritation and agitation she made him feel get a free rein, and the things he'd ignored before were suddenly all valid reasons to get rid of her and be glad for it. Hell, in a way he was almost looking _forward _to it.

He was dialling the number before he even realized it, and when she didn't pick up, he was outside the dorms with the engine purring and the words already thought out in his head.

'We can't be together anymore… it's not you it's me… I never meant for it to go this far…'

He could do it. A piece of cake.

He walked straight into the dorms in broad daylight, because, of course, the monitoring bots already had him registered as a resident of the building (after his nocturnal visits to Mikan), so even though there were a few shrieks and squeals he didn't have to stop for long until he was at her door.

He hadn't known which room was hers, but he asked a red-faced girl, who directed him there while she stared at her shoes like they were the hottest new thing in Japan.

He knocked twice. She opened the door.

"Reira, we need to–"

"Aren't you even going to _ask _why I've been crying?" the poor girl asked, and Natsume did a double take and then realized she had makeup all over her face and her eyes were red. So... at least now he wouldn't be responsible for making it worse, right?

"I've got something to–"

"You don't even care, do you?" she sniffed, and Natsume's patience wore thin.

"I'm trying to tell you something!" he snapped.

"I know what it is already, okay!?" she screeched back. "You're breaking up with me! Woo! Big news! _Or not!_" Natsume ducked as a soldering iron flew in the direction of his head, and he was more or less buggered as to what the hell he could do now.

"I... how did you know?" he stuttered, and flying tubes of paint and books caused him to back out into the corridor; people turned around to look curiously.

"It doesn't take a genius to work it out," she sobbed loudly, rubbing a hand (not throwing things) across her face and smearing her makeup even further.

"I'm sorry," he said quickly, and she started crying even harder; assuming it was safe to go in now, Natsume picked up the things she'd thrown and carried them inside, closing the door behind him.

"Reira, I really am sorry," he mumbled, words of empathy and his own true feelings revealed eeking out of him. "We just can't be together."

"Why?" she wept. _"Why?"_

"It..." he started: this could be make or break. "It hurts her," he confessed.

"What? Who?"

"M-Mikan," he felt himself stutter, and hated himself for it. "The reason she... got sick... it was because of _me_," he admitted, and it felt horribly relieving – like letting off the pressure in a pipe that was about to burst.

"...How?" she asked meekly, and Natsume crossed the floor to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"It's complicated," he sighed. "But... I can't do this anymore. I'm bad for you–"

"Like you need to tell _me _that," she groaned, and Natsume ignored the fact that he felt a little slighted by her comment.

"Ugh... I always go for the ones who are already in love, don't I?" Reira lamented, and Natsume froze.

"What?" he bolted. "I'm not in lo–"

"Don't give me that bullshit, Natsume," she retorted. "You 'can't be with me' because of Mikan. You don't have to cover it up, okay? I don't mind losing to her," Reira said, in what _she _assumed to be a very mature and sympathetic way; at least, to her it felt that way.

"I'm not in love with Mikan!" he snapped defensively, and Reira looked up, and the two regarded each other suspiciously.

"Do you think about her every day?" she asked.

"Well... yeah, I guess," Natsume answered, bemused. There was always some point at any day when she bugged him or was too noisy and made it impossible for you _not _to think of her.

"And you know her well?"

"Better than I know myself probably," he grunted: to be fair she was a lot less complex than he was. Easier to understand.

"You don't know what you'd do without her, do you?" she probed knowingly.

"Well...." His performance at the hospital was answer enough to answer _that_.

"And you'd give up anything for her sake, right?" Now that she had let go of him (although it would be a while until she stopped hurting), Reira could see these things _all_ too clearly.

"Yes. Anything," he replied curtly.

"And... you're telling me you're _not_ in love with her?" she announced superciliously, and Natsume suddenly felt a big 'duuh' sticker hit his forehead.

"I..." he panicked, "I...I _don't_," he claimed. "I mean, I... with _you _it was like..." He forced himself to calm down, think things through. He _knew _the answer to this.

"I'm not attracted to her," he stated plainly. "I wouldn't _do_–"

"Natsume, if there's _one _thing I know about you," Reira suddenly said loudly. "_One _thing: it's that you think with the wrong f—king head most of the time." Yes, Reira had stopped throwing things, but somehow Natsume didn't feel any better.

"Stop thinking about getting your rocks off all the time andjust _look _at her, use your _heart_, not your junk," she instructed acidly. "Because I'm sure as hell not giving you up for anyone else but her. So you better realize it fast."

Natsume wondered how Mikan and Reira always seemed to make him feel like there was a big game being played all around him, which he could never notice until it was already over.

He also wondered why it was that, with those words, it felt like something inside him suddenly _changed_, and when before he'd been looking out of a tiny hold in a door, now someone had kicked the whole thing open and light was flooding in all around him. He had her to thank for it, when he stopped being shit-scared of the reality crashing in.

"It's over," Reira re-stated sourly, and he saw the sadness returning to her face. "You can go now."

"Wait..."

"I said go!" That was the sort of tone that leant towards things being thrown again, so Natsume decided that if she asked for it then he might as well do what she said, and quickly made his exit. There were things he wanted to say, but he realized they could wait; now wasn't the right time.

He walked out of the dorm with a feeling of relief – he hadn't ever _wanted _to be in a relationship with her in the first place, and now it felt like an unnoticed burden was gone: he felt pretty good, all in all.

He got out his mobile, and called Mikan, it picked up after a few rings.

"Hey Mika–" he started, but stopped when he realized she had in fact pressed the answer button by mistake, and didn't actually have the phone to her ear – _idiot_, he thought, but then everything inside him clenched up when he heard _Ruka's _voice in the background.

He was his best friend, but knowing he was with her_ alone _made him feel wound up and irritated all of a sudden. He knew Ruka liked her, and if anything _happened _between them... well, he hoped it wouldn't because A. Mikan was supposed to like _him_, and B. if something _did _happen... it'd hurt.

It right then that he felt a horrible pounding in his chest, running right along his ribs and tearing through the middle like he'd been shot – he knew what that felt like – and this honestly wasn't too far off.

"Shiiiit," he groaned as he slumped to the ground and started to hyperventilate, wondering what the _hell _was happening between those two if this was the end product.

Even worse was that if what Mikan had said was right, he was now feeling what he'd done to her all this time.

And suddenly he felt horribly guilty for putting her through it.

* * *

"Natsume?!" Mikan cried when the door to her room opened, and then she tried to conceal her disappointment when it was Ruka.

"Natsume? No, it's me," he said kindly, thinking that she was confused. "Natsume isn't here, but I am, Mikan." He walked over to the bed and reached out for her, and although this shouldn't have been the threatening gesture that it was, because with Mikan's body so bound to Natsume's she was scared by the approach of anyone else.

She also knew it might hurt Natsume, and that was why she covered her mouth with her hand to stop herself screaming when he suddenly threw his arms around her shoulders and hugged her.

"Mikan, I will be good enough for you, I promise!" Ruka cried tenderly, and all the other romantic things he should be, but Mikan just wanted to cry and tell him everything.

Tell him everything? Wait? Why couldn't she?

What was stopping her? Wasn't she still _Mikan Sakura?_

Yes, she was, and Mikan Sakrua did whatever she bloody-well wanted to, and usually made a lot of noise in the process.

"Ruka!" she cried, but before she could say anything else her lips were stopped with someone else's.

His.

But not the right _his_.

"Waah!" she screeched and pushed him away, Ruka backing away from the kiss in fright and confusion – what had he done wrong? Natsume did things like this with his girlfriends, what didn't go right?

"Ruka, please listen to me," she said shakily, her heart pounding and pleading that Natsume hadn't been hurt by that – she hadn't _meant _it, had she? Her first kiss _was _still his, all that time ago.

"What, Mikan?" he asked, obviously a little scared of what she had to say.

"See Ruka...oh, _god_, where do I start," she sighed, and then she told him everything. Right from the mission and stealing Natsume's Alice, to realizing they couldn't sleep without each other's presence, to being able to feel each other's emotions, and discovering what their new Alice was.

She talked, and he listened, as she told him about being able to read each other's mind when the Alice became stronger, and how she used it to find him that night at the pet shop, and how she never meant for it to happen, but she somehow started liking him.

"And it _hurt_," she said emotively. "It hurt so much when he was with Reira-senpai..." Ruka mistakenly thought she was being figurative, but never got a chance to realize this until she came to a close.

"And I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but he said we couldn't tell _anyone _or the Academy would flip, and we got all caught up in the stupid thing and it's horrible but I kind of forgot about you not knowing. Natsume is _like_ that,"she lamented. "He makes you think his issues are number one in the whole world, and there's no one else around."

Ruka nodded, he knew all too well how that was the case.

Then he said nothing, because, to be honest, he was hurt. They didn't tell him? This huge thing happened to his two best friends in the whole world and they didn't _tell _him? They kept it a secret, and Mikan – the girl he had been sure he was in love with – said she _forgot _about him. While he was falling for her she had forgotten about him and was falling for Natsume.

He was appalled. Absolutely disgusted, and hurt, and he felt like he'd been kicked in the stomach, and out of the loop, by the people he trusted most.

Suffice to say, he no longer 'liked' Mikan; that died in a number of short and angry moments. He barely even liked her as a friend right now.

"Ruka, I'm sorry," she said sadly. "Everything is in such a mess now." Then he felt even worse, because when _Mikan _was saying sad things and not spouting endlessly optimistic slogans, you knew you were in trouble.

He was stuck, he didn't know whether he should stay or go, he couldn't believe that what he had thought was _love _was now absolutely nothing – it was like his feelings had been carved out of him – and he did _not know what to say._

Thankfully, Natsume saved the situation. Ish.

He burst in through the door, sprinting over to the two of them as his breath tore raggedly in and out of his lungs.

"Mikan!" he croaked. "What happened?" He had a hand on his chest, and neither of them said anything, but they stared intensely at each other. Ruka had wondered if the Alice Mikan claimed to have with him really did all the things she said it did, but it made a lot of sense; if people could ever look like they were talking using telepathy, then it was now.

"You stupid girl," Natsume said out loud, and Mikan lashed out at him from her hospital bed. Then Natsume turned to look at Ruka.

"You told him?" he said to Mikan, and although she didn't speak or nod it appeared she answered affirmatively.

"It's... true then, Natsume?" Ruka asked sadly, and Natsume nodded.

"We didn't tell anyone until I was sure, _sorry_. And I made her keep her big mouth shut." Mikan scowled, seeming to think something obscene because Natsume shot her a very poor look.

"So... what.... _are_ you two?" Ruka said weakly, and they shrugged. At the exact same time, like mimics. It was a little unsettling.

"We're your friends, Ruka-pyon," Mikan suddenly announced; her voice thankfully a little happier and more like herself.

Natsume nodded. "Exactly, we're your friends, Ruka."_ But just your friends_ was the unseen addition; however, for the moment, he felt he might be all right with that.

"You kept a secret from me," he said coolly. "A big one." Natsume was an expert in keeping secrets, and he had gradually brought Mikan almost to his level now; it had taken Ruka quite some time to find out about the _steal _Alice Mikan's her mother and father.

"Sorry," they chorused, doing that uncanny identical act again.

"What are we supposed to do now, then?" Ruka demanded, a little irritated – to be fair he had been treated like crap by them, he had a right to be put out.

It was a shame he was so bad at it.

"She needs to sleep," Natsume said, with a thumb-jerk at Mikan. "I nearly killed her, didn't I?"

"It... wasn't anyone's fault," Ruka replied awkwardly, but Natsume shook his head.

"It was mine," he said obstinately. "Mine and Reira's." He glanced at Mikan. "It's over, by the way." Even if Ruka didn't quite follow, Mikan appeared to.

"She needs rest anyway, and considering you two just gave me one as well I could probably use time out as well." Mikan's lips moved in something like an apology, but it was directed curiously enough at Natsume.

"What?" Ruka didn't understand anything anymore.

"You..." Natsume started confidant, and then it fell apart very quickly. "You... just... _kissed_ her, right?" he said awkwardly, and Ruka's face went uncharacteristically red.

"Um..."

"Well, when someone else gets... 'close' to one of us, it hurts."

"So there _is_ something going on between you," Ruka accused, once again thinking they were speaking metaphorically.

"No," Natsume interrupted, realizing this. "It _hurts_, actually and literally." He pointed at Mikan. "I nearly _killed _her doing it."

This hit Ruka like a ton of bricks. It physically hurt them? How could it? But did that mean he'd hurt Natsume when he tried to kiss her?

"You... can't be serious..." he whispered, but neither of them looked like they thought this was a joking matter.

"It's part of the Alice," Natsume explained. "It's probably something like our bond causing pain when other people try to disrupt it."

"Well..." said Ruka. "Doesn't that mean it wants you to be... uh, together?" Mikan and Natsume looked bashful; they hadn't thought of it _that _way.

"Um... maybe..." Natsume said quietly.

"Yes," said Mikan at the same time, and both boys jumped in surprise.

"Of course it does," she said. "It _made _me feel like this towards Natsume, and as long as it's like this we can't realistically be with anyone else, right?" she looked at Natsume, and realized just how much she was scaring him. He didn't like _her_, and now he was having to deal with the idea of only being able to be with until the Alice changed.

"I'm sorry, Natsume," she said faintly.

"Don't apologise to him, Mikan!" Ruka commanded. "You don't have anything to apologise for."

No one said anything for a while, and then Ruka – seeing something needing to happen between those two, and also wanting to be away from them to nurse his hurt – made a thin excuse and left.

Mikan turned around and sat up in bed, facing Natsume with her eyes on the floor.

"Can we go somewhere?" she asked timidly. "I don't like it here."

Natsume thought about her fragile condition, her emotional state, the cracked relationship with Ruka and the shock of the kiss, and many other reasons it was probably good for her to remain in a hospital... and then promptly threw them all out the window.

"Okay," he said fondly. "Where do you want to go?"

"Can we..." she whispered, "go to your room?" Her face was red, and he was ever-so-slightly amused.

"What was that??"

"I want to go to your room!" she snapped in embarrassment. "Don't _take _it like that. After all this I just want to be somewhere safe... and now, being close to it makes me feel better." She stared back at the floor. "Stupid Alice..." she muttered.

He felt bad now, and he wondered if what Reira had said to him could have some grounds. How did he _really _feel about Mikan? In his heart, and not his desire...

"Fine," he answered. "You're sick; whatever you want." He carefully helped her out of bed, and then they slipped out of the ward. The act of getting out of bed, and perhaps the fact that Natsume was holding her hand to strady her the whole way, gave Mikan a surge of strength, and when someone noticed they were walking out the two of them ran – laughing – out into the fresh air, which did her even more good.

* * *

"Did you really break up with Reira-senpai?" she inquired part of the way to Natsume's dorm.

"Yes," he grunted. "She said some weird stuff about not giving me up to anyone but you, and she threw some things at me, but it's over."

"Reira-senpai will be okay," Mikan stated optimistically. "She's a really great person."

"She's all right."

Mikan smiled to herself, glad that Natsume didn't seem to have registered that he could let go of her hand. Walking like this – in spite of the fact that she was wearing pyjamas – they could almost be...

"So what happens to us now?" he speculated.

"Um... I don't know, Natsume," she replied quietly. "But... I think... that if you were always by my side... anything would be all right." Mikan used to, and still, said this about Hotaru. But Hotaru was away so often, and so cold and distant. Besides, Mikan was one hunderd percent sure that the way she loved Hotaru was very different from the way she loved...

Wait, she loved him?

..._Shit_. She loved him.

He squeezed her hand in his suddenly, maybe out of surprise, and then he stopped dead and turned her around to face him. He _heard _her.

"Do you realize what you're sayin... uh, thinking?" he said carefully, studying her face. Sure, she was no catwalk model, but her face was something he knew so well that he had no idea what else to make of it.

"Yes..." she answered. "I do."

_I love you_

Natsume closed his eyes and breathed deeply. He cut away 'desire' and 'lust' and whatever perfect measurements he had used to judge a girl since he hit puberty, and looked at Mikan as he had _back then_. When he had loved her before.

_I used to_, he remarked, and the past tense made her heart quicken anxiously.

_Did I ever stop? _He thought to himself – although Mikan was able to hear this – and with a tender and precise movement he put his arms around her, hugging her; not just with his body, but with his mind.

_I'm sorry I'm not pretty enough_, she thought as she read the solidly platonic gesture.

_I'm an idiot, _he told her. _Don't listen to me. It's what's inside your heart that counts. _Yes, he realized now. He saw what a complete bastard he had been for so long, and how pure and straightforward she had remained. She was still all heart, and she never let anything mess with that.

Except him. Stupid girl. Stupid him.

He released her from the hug, but before she could turn away – in spite of the fact that they were in the middle of the street and she was wearing hospital pyjamas – he took her face in his hands.

_What are you doing? _She questioned, as he stared her.

He began to close the distance between their faces, testing the water, inching them closer with a steady motion.

_What are you doing, Natsume? _She asked, more panicked. He _couldn't _be doing what he was about to do, right? He didn't like her. He said it so many times she really believed him.

However, she had to re-evaluate this when his lips came softly into contact with hers.

They were warm, and the pressure was just enough for her to know she was being kissed, but not enough to signify he was just looking for more.

And their Alice was on _fire_.

It raced up and down their backs, tickled their limbs, set off fireworks in every nook and cranny of their bodies, screaming for all it was worth that this was _good _and this was _right _and at _long frigging last they had got it!_

Natsume had never felt anything comparable in all the things he'd done with any of the girl's he'd done it with. The shivers were so strong that they made their own shivers, which caused ripples that tingled tantalisingly underneath their skin as they melted into it.

This was no mere Alice of friendship.

* * *

Mwhaha! I did it... at last! After 50'000 words+, they actually did it :P

So leave a review! THEY KISSED! (fireworks)

This is also the penultimate chapter, the ultimate one (being totally ultimate!) probably being a while in the works, but I assure you it will happen.

Instead, if you are open to AU give the new WiP a try, it's already got more chapters than this ::) (oops)

Find it at www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/4685697/1/Armor_Ultio_Est

Thanks to everyone for everything in every way :D


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